Episode 3: Desperate Measures

I was tasered.

It was the most uncomfortable sensation I had ever experienced. It was as if millions of miniature lightning bolts were ripping through my entire body, triggering my nervous system to overload with unbelievable pain.

The worst part was, she didn't even know I was trying to get her attention. Rika had already entered her apartment by the time her security detail incapacitated me. It was a fruitless effort, one that left me in a world of physical hurt and agony. But the bad news didn't even remotely stop there.

My celebrity neighbor continued her streams throughout the weekend as if nothing had happened, with each one somehow being louder than the last. And I couldn't just storm up to her door again. My last stunt had caused them to upgrade security, and now there was always a bodyguard standing at the entrance.

They usually wore disguises, ranging from maid uniforms for the women to dirty gardener clothes for the men. Occasionally, there was that slight, unintended bump in their pockets that gave away the fact they were carrying tasers. I guess they weren't trying to draw attention to the rest of the residents in the building to the fact that a celebrity lived here. They were just trying to blend in while also carrying out their duties of looking after her safety.

From what I observed, I was the only one who knew her true identity, and of course I was also the only one suffering from her nocturnal noise fests.

Sunday night, after spending the entire afternoon recovering from my taser wound, I decided to head to bed early. But I couldn't get to sleep. My entire bedroom wall was vibrating from the steady hum and muffled chatter of machine-gun fire coming from her room.

I tossed, turned, and covered my face with my pillow. But no matter what I did, I just couldn't block out the noise.

Frustrated, I grabbed my phone and looked up her live stream. It wasn't helping. I just didn't know what else to do.

She was playing one of those horror shooter games, with a live feed of her in pink headphones with cat-ears and a controller appearing in a small box in the corner of the screen.

"For real, guys, Hell Falls one is maji unmatched. Do you see the amount of blood in this thing? It's yabai! Like, seriously crazy!"

"That’s right! Tony, you're so right! The animations are totes smooth. The fire! I love them!"

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't see that on time. Thanks for the super chat, Mr. TerminatorZero. And that reminds me, guys, if you're just joining us, I want you to know all donations gotten from this stream will be used to fund a totes-cute charity event my friends and I are planning for the end of the month. Details will be out sometime next week, so you guys better keep an eye out for that, okay?"

I somehow ended up drifting off to sleep to the sound of her boisterous voice. And the next few days saw her charity stream explode in support and donations, raising a total of thirty million yen for the charity stuff she and her friends were planning. I was glad they were able to surpass their goal, but I was also losing my mind.

I had begun to consistently fall asleep in class due to not getting enough shut-eye at home at night. My lecturers were getting worried for my sake.

"Sota. Sota!"

"Ye-yes, sir!"

"Is there a reason my top student is suddenly falling asleep in class? That's the third time this week."

"Sorry, sir, i-it won't happen again. I promise."

"It better not."

I was so embarrassed. Every time I neared my boiling point and tried to do something about the situation, there was always an obstacle in my way.

I couldn't approach her directly because of her bodyguards. I couldn't report to the owners of the building because, just as I had suspected would happen, her agency had already won them over.

When I called to put in a noise complaint one day after school during the week, they first asked me who I was complaining about.

"I don't really know her real name, but it's the girl in the suite next to my room. Umm, that's apartment 9C. Second floor. Sorry, I mean third floor. West Wing. Also, she's a celebrity."

"Okay sir, we have received your complaint, and we will investigate the matter. Our sincere apologies for any inconvenience you might have experienced. Once the situation has been resolved, we will reach out to you at your earliest convenience. In the meantime, please look into soundproofing your living space. With a miniature ten percent bump in your monthly rent, our staff could come over tomorrow and install some for you. Would you be interested in this...?"

The moment I heard the operator advertising soundproofing, I knew I was on my own. They were well aware of the situation and were trying to sell me a solution. Paid-off scumbags. I hung up the phone.

Was there really nothing I could do?

Things got a whole lot worse when the weekend rolled around. It was Friday night, and she had invited a few friends over, who I guessed were the famous friends she was constantly harping about. They all wore hoodies to cover their faces. I saw them sneaking into her apartment when I was coming back from the gym.

Surprisingly, they weren't immediately noisy when they first entered. I was baffled by this. I actually visited her live stream just to see what they were up to. I was supposed to be studying on my laptop, but curiosity got the better of me.

"HUUUH!"

I almost jumped out of my swivel chair when I saw what was on my computer screen. What the hell was that just now?

"Come on, Mai, get your butt out of my camera."

"Awww, Rika, boohoo, why are you being the fun police? I'm just trying to thank the fans. They did help us with the fundraiser after all."

"Say thanks by actually finishing your costume so you can sing and dance with the rest of us. Hurry up and change into your bunny suit, girl."

I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. What I was watching should have been obscene, but it also kind of wasn't.

It was just the girls who, at first glance, looked like they were dressed in skimpy outfits and what nearly resembled bikinis in front of the camera. But on careful inspection, they were just wearing half-finished costumes of various fantasy and anime characters, quietly chatting amongst themselves as they got ready on stream.

Sure, one could assume the content was somewhat still of an erotic nature based on the description, yet at the same time, it was surprisingly tame.

Mai, the first girl who earlier had her behind take up the entire width of my monitor, looked to be wearing a bunny girl costume. She only had one of her ears on and was trying to put on the other.

The other two girls, I'll just call them Blue Hair and Pinky, were putting on a cat girl and fox girl costume respectively.

And the woman herself, the troublemaker of the hour, Rika, or should I say Rika Riot, had the most devilish costume of them all. Literally. She was dressed as a succubus. Horns, wings, a tail, all of it.

"Alright, guys, to say a totes big thank you for totally reaching our goal with the fundraiser and crushing it, we're keeping our promise. IT'S KARAOKE TIME! Right here, right now! So if you're just tuning in, SPAM THAT COMMENT SECTION! Tell us what you want to hear! We're gonna randomly pick... let's say... 20 songs and sing 'em LIVE! Let's GOOOO!"

I guess the live stream was some kind of reward to her fans for helping them reach their goal. Wait... Hold on. What did she just say? All-night karaoke?

The singing began an hour later. I, of course, was no longer able to study. I gripped my pencil in frustration. I even considered shoving it into my ear to deafen the noise. That's it. I had reached my boiling point.

Opening my door slightly, I peered out into the hallway. It looked like there weren't any guards standing in front of her room, but I had no doubt they were somewhere close by. Watching.

I took out my phone and made a call. Twenty minutes later, Kenji pulled up to the scene on his little sister's bicycle, streamers and training wheels still intact. He looked ridiculous.

I went downstairs to meet with him. I came up with a plan, but I also had to agree to another promise to get him to do this for me. This was the only way I was getting into that apartment. Our schedules never aligned for me to talk to the celebrity, her bodyguards wouldn't let me see her, and instead of helping me, the building management was only trying to capitalize on my predicament. So, I had my back to the wall and no other choice.

Pretending to be high on whatever drug I had given him the liberty of choosing for his backstory, Kenji staggered his way upstairs and began banging on Rika's front door. Instantly, two guards emerged. One from the shadows behind him, and the other, the woman with short red hair who tased me last week, from inside the apartment.

I knew it! I knew they were somewhere close by.

Kenji was visibly intimidated as both guards closed in on him with questions. He was starting to panic.

"Come on, man," I whispered from my peeping spot behind my door. "Don't chicken out on me now."

Kenji must have suddenly remembered what was at stake: snagging a potential date with our school nurse, in the eventuality of my first promise not working out. Because the next thing I saw was the expression on his face instantly morphing into that of sheer will and determination, the face of a man who was ready to do anything for an opportunity to hold hands with a woman some few years older than him.

Admittedly, Miss Akizuki was kinda cute, in a young-faced, youthful-body kind of way. So I understood if he didn't mind the age gap, and still wanted me to help him go out with her.

Thus, without an ounce of fear or shame, Kenji, the timid teenager from just a second ago, reached out and slapped the male bodyguard across the face with all the force he could muster.

"Thwack!"

It was so loud, I could almost feel it from where I stood. I did not tell him to do that. But apparently, he had decided to improvise.

While the male bodyguard clenched the side of his face in shock, still processing the fact that he had just been slapped by a nerdy-looking high schooler, Kenji quickly reached out and grabbed the woman before she could pull out her taser.

"Gah!"

And, it was more of a grope than a grab. He had his hands tightly squeezing the top front of her uniform. Yeah, I did not tell him to do that either.

Was he smiling while sweating at the same time? Dude was a maniac.

Before I knew it, Kenji was running for his life, being pursued by the two security personnel he had just assaulted. Although his methods were questionable, he had gotten me the opening I was looking for.

I could not let this opportunity pass me by.