Chapter 11. An essay on purpose

"...Argon eyes in your chromium heart stimulating to the niobium..."

Like a fluffy bunny, Uzuki lays curled up on her bed, hugging a pillow.

"Uzuki."

"...The attraction from neodymium, erbium thought amplification... are the key to the beam ytterbium..."

I stomp towards her

"U-ZU-KI!"

She drops the notepad and almost falls off her bed; she quickly regains her composure.

"Ai! What's-"

I'm more than sick. So sick that I throw the candlestick on the ground, it, of course, makes a lot of noise.

"I'm here, at 2 am, a school student. My fake mother bloomed into petals due to God knows what and okay no, I'm done. I'm so done with this."

I get the brush out of my pockets and slam it to the ground.

"What is this lame thing good for, even?! I can't attack! I can't defend! What kind of power is transforming into someone else if you're basically yourself with a skin on?!"

"Erm... Ai... you..."

"No! I'm absolutely done with this! In fact, you know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to...commit crimes with the face of someone else to incriminate them! Yes! That's the only possible thing this can come in handy. Forget about mom, forget about everything. I'm Done. D-O-N-E."

"Ai-"

I slam the door and head out of her house.

"Stupid brush with its stupid rules and stupid bristles..."

On my way home, I realize I'm still living in that hellhole I call home. The door falls off my room.

At 5 am the sun is already up; I pick up whatever and go to school.

On class, everyone is here but a few people. My perfect chance. I go to the bathroom and transform into Ayumu. I don't even know the girl.

"Kishida Ayumu"

"Here!"

We take class.

...welp, there's nothing evil I can think of.

I get out of class and I...

...which club does this girl even go to?

I walk to the bathroom again and change into Uzuki, now things...

...no, I can't do something like this to Uzuki.

I go inside a stall and just sit on it. I pass the brush on my face.

Hikari? Too boring. Nozomi? She does anything bad and it'd be normal. Sayuri? She doesn't even go here. I even changed into a random guy, a teacher and an anime character I saw on the tv. Every time I brush it doesn't feel right.

"No, no, no, no..."

I change back to myself.

"...yeah, I can't even think of anything."

I walk to the library. Uzuki is, of course, sitting there with an open book.

"Here"

I put the brush on the table.

"I don't want anything else to do with this. I’m done"

"Ai, can you let me talk for once?"

"...okay, go"

"What do you think is the purpose of this brush?"

"Changing people."

"Well... It isn't. It's just a brush. Its entire existence is just... being a brush"

"...okay...so?"

"Well, why are you trying to find meaning on something that's clearly meaningless?"

I tap the brush.

"Look, I didn't want an adventure or to be involved in all of this, so I don't want to be here anymore."

She smiles at me.

"Oh, I know exactly what's happening. Well, you’re going on a special mission then."

"Special? I just told you, I don't want to be a burden"

"You're going alone"

"Alone? As in, no Katsuya or Sayuri?"

"Yes, all by yourself"

She hands me the brush back.

"There has been reports of unusual activity by the equestrian park. You need to go there and pose as a resident of that building. This person seems to have an immense amount of intel, so this mission is extremely important. You can even use your acting skills"

I fiddle with the brush and pocket it.

"Alright, but just because you're so confident on that. Besides, I don't want to ruin your friendship. Not again."

"Don't worry, just keep in touch, alright?"

I get to the train station and go to the equestrian park.

It's noon already, I'm getting very sleepy, so I rest on one of the benches by the park.

Right next to me, there's another bench. A girl is sitting there with an open book.

'An essay on purpose' by Dr. Hansel Korh.

I rest my chin on my arm, and I lean to see her book.

"...is something the matter?"

"Oh, sorry, I was just...looking at your book."

"So, you're interested in psychology?"

"Not really, more like, just on purpose. I don't want to bore you with it but it kind of resonates."

She stands up and sits right next to me, book closed.

"Ka- uhm... Yukimura... Yoshiko"

She bows down a bit.

Yukimura... Just like mom was.

"Hibana Ai"

She smiles at me.

"So, purpose by itself is a complicated topic, you know? It's not like a single, shiny goal you see in movies. This is more... quiet and personal. Like Ikigai, you know? A small happiness that makes getting up worthwhile."

"So, do you think everyone should have a purpose?"

"Yeah, even if it's small. I know this is a personal topic but... I think my purpose is not a big thing. I need to take care of my family, listen to my friends, even having fun is purpose, in a way."

"Have you ever felt like your life has no purpose at all?"

"Hm... Not really. I mean, I may have some difficulties every now and then but... Not out of purpose."

"What about items? Can objects have a purpose?"

"Not by themselves of course, but you can give them a sentimental value. Maybe... a thing such as a broken bowl may be trash to someone, but for another person, it may be a family treasure that needs to be preserved. It all depends on how much value you find on a thing."

She closes the book and looks super flustered.

"I'm... not so proud of knowing this but... in some cultures, you can inflict curses on things by giving them enough value. I'm not saying I believe in that but..."

"But...?"

"Never mind that! What I think is that if something or someone is very important for you, they hold more than a special place in your heart. "

A bit weird, but she has some good points. 

"I... think I'll try to check that book later."

I get off the seat.

"Wait, Ai-chan!"

"Ai-chan?"

"I- I mean Hibana-san! Yeah, sorry, I forgot your last name! Haha!"

I look at her like a bug. Absolutely no one refers to me by name, except for Uzuki, of course, but we kind of been close for quite some time. I mean, not even Sayuri did so. It makes me mad but...it's kind of comforting.

"Sure... what's up?"

"Can we...uhm... stay in touch? You seem cool."

"Uhm... sure, what's your Tyme?"

"My...Tyme?"

She takes out her phone, the most generic looking phone ever. It is not even from a recognized brand or anything. It's like, if someone just imagined the concept of a phone and just...made it.

"Uhm...It's 5:45"

I stay silent.

"...You don't have Tyme?"

"I just told you."

"Okay, just give me your number"

"Gladly, it's 3-XXXX-1234."

It seems familiar, but I don't have it registered.

"Got it, we'll stay in touch."

I walk away.

"Stay safe, A- I mean, Hibana-san!"

Weirdo.