Chapter 20. Shadow of the Crimson Moon

A shadow crawls across the darkness. Round. Distant. Immense.

The crimson moon.

I don't look at it for long. Something about it feels wrong, of course, assuming that I indeed died.

The next moment, I'm standing in the middle of an empty city. All buildings are intact, but they look like if someone that didn't knew about buildings made a building. The windows are wrong and pitch black. The signs are blank. There are no doors. The roads stretch without any destination. No wind. No noise. No nothing. The moon stands eerily above me, but it's not red anymore. It's black.

I keep walking for minutes, hours. God knows how long I've been doing this.

Something sounds behind me. A small squeak that echoes a ton, considering I haven't heard anything since I came here.

"Hey"

The voice sounds calm and professional. I turn around without any surprise or worry.

A woman holds a bicycle. She wears a police uniform. Her short black hair rests on her arms, with a hat tucked right under her arm. She has a name tag.

'Koizumi, Mizuho'

"You're not supposed to be here"

"Really? Well, I think I'm just right where I'm supposed to be"

Her eyes look deep inside of me, like she is analyzing me. I know that look from somewhere, but I can barely remember anything. I just barely remember my name.

"Well, you're not dead-dead, you know. It's like you're...paused?"

We laugh. I don't even know why.

"Walk with me, please"

And we do.

The city keeps exactly the same. I don't even think we’re moving from the location we're at.

"Is this like... hell?"

"No. That's a loud place."

"Heaven?"

"I'd say it lacks a lot to be heaven"

"So where are we?"

"You're kind of in a waiting room. Mostly for people who don't know whether they're done"

I don't like that. At all.

"So, I don't know if I should be alive? What kind of thing is that?"

"Not really, because again, you should definitely not be here"

She sits across me on the floor, slowly arranging her hair sideways and resting a palm under her cheek. I know I've seen this before, but I can't remember where.

"So, forbidden items. Quite a thing you got into"

"How did you-?"

Wait, forbidden items? Yeah, I remember that. I remember my friends, and I remember me.

"I assume you just remembered everything. Well, the hairpin that you wore didn't do anything. It was just a regular, plain hairpin."

"...So, it wasn't anything special?"

"I didn't say that. I said it was just ordinary. It was special just because you gave it a purpose. You made it something under the red moon. That made you forbidden for a moment. You were kind of like an item. An unstoppable being. Of course, it'd be impossible to replicate because will alone can't cause miracles. Sometimes it does, but it's not the norm."

"Then why are you telling me this?"

"I'll answer you with a question. Considering that at that point, you were unstoppable, and there was no other factor that could have been in play, other than the moon, why do you think you're here?"

She's... right. Everything was perfect. I felt invincible. Yet... I think I got too much into being myself. Not having the analytic side of Hikari, the strength of Katsuya, the knowledge of Utsuki, or the confidence of Sayuri. I was me... but I didn't know who I was in the first place.

I feel ashamed, and with a shaky voice, I decide to answer

"I... kept copying people because I didn't know what I was supposed to be. Then I stopped and just when I did that, I died."

"Ouch. That's awful. Yet... I don't think this is your end. I mean, again, you're not dead."

How is that supposed to make me feel?! She's awful for emotional advice.

"Hey, I'm just saying what I see, don't blame the messenger"

"How did you-?"

"Let's say it's an ability of mine. Took it from an old friend, but ultimately mine. Anyways. I'm not here to help you. That's something that only you can do."

"So, what am I supposed to do then?"

"Most people wait here. They sit down and think of what they did, their regrets, and so on. Then at one point they tell themselves they deserve to rest"

"And?"

"And then they just... vanish"

I look at my hands. They’re solid. Alive. Too alive to be here.

"I don't want to disappear"

"Then don't"

I look at her surprised

"...that's...it?"

"Yep, that's always it."

She stands up and stretches her hand to help me stand.

"You must have something unfinished. So go ahead and tell me anything you left unfinished"

I think of Uzuki, standing way too straight. I used to bully her back then, but I did it to protect her. I managed to push her away from my worries, but after talking with her, I now appreciate as a friend, and I value the fact that she believed in me, even on the worst time.

I think of Sayuri, her smile cracking at the edges. I didn't believe in her because I was selfish and a total idiot. But I managed to avenge her, and once she got back, I accepted her the way she is, and the immense value she has.

I think of Hikari. And even if I didn't help her at all, she always mentored and put herself in front of me. She saved my life and is the reason why I am here, right now.

I think of my mom. She did the absolute best for me. But I was looking at the wrong person when all that horrible stuff happened. Now I know she is sorry, and I'm glad she's back, even if she looks around my age.

But... I can't think of anything else.

Except...

"I... haven't decided who I really am"

"Yeah, that's something you definitely need to finish"

The world starts getting darker and darker.

"I won't be able to walk you out, but you'll be alright. Our time here is over. Just... don't tell your friends about me. I don't want to get you in any unnecessary predicaments."

The moon cracks open and shines, bright red. Blinding.

"Wait, who are you?"

"Someone who, I hope, you'll never see again"

I wake up shaking, in my mouth, a piece of gum.

Uzuki is standing in front of me. She looks terrible. Her hair is undone; she doesn't have her glasses. On her hand, a package of gum. The same one she used with Sayuri. This time, it was empty.

The moment she sees me her eyes light up.

"She's awake!"

Sayuri appears right next to her, ducking right behind her as if she was to scared to see. But the moment she does, she smiles and cries.

"Ai! You scared me! I mean, you always scare me, but... but this time I'm so glad you're ok!"

My mom comes from the door and hugs me

"You idiot! Don't make me worry like that ever again!"

She cries on my shoulder, I hug her more

"Don't.... don't leave me alone again, please..."

Hikari comes back; she looks at the floor after getting a glimpse of me.

"I... know it wasn't me. But I'm sorry.”

She hugs me too.

"You did very well. I knew I could count on you"

After a while, we separated for a moment. Uzuki comes to me.

"Well, the good news, of course, is that you're alive. The bad news is that this was the last piece of gum. So, we're not going to be able to do this again. Besides, there have been a lot of reports of unusual activity nowadays, so we will have to intercede again. As for your brush..."

She hands me the brush, broken in half.

"I... think that thing destroyed it for good. This and the forbidden tasks. So... I believe that this would be it for your transformations."

"That's fine. This is exactly who I should be. But... now I think my relationship with my mother is going to be super weird."

"Yeah... let's not talk too much about that. We will find a way to revert it. Hopefully."

"Well. Uzuki. Thank you. Thank you for believing in me, and for considering I was worthy of your forgiveness and... one of your most valuable objects."

She smiles at me.

"You were always worth it. And I don't regret anything, other than the amount of harm this caused you."