Chapter 5 – The Person I Was Is Gone | Part A

Author Note :

Thank you for accompanying Kaivan’s journey through the end of Volume 1.This first arc closes the chapter of a boy still trying to hold on to who he once was—even as the world kept pushing him toward something far larger.

In this chapter, that final line finally shatters.Kaivan will still walk through the same school halls, still wear the same uniform,still laugh with the same friends…but what he faces after this point has already stepped far beyond anything a student—or even most adults—will ever encounter in their lives.

Thank you for reading this far.Prepare yourselves—because even if Kaivan’s daily life still looks ordinary,the path he’s on has already left “ordinary” far, far behind.

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Kaivan swallowed hard, his mind racing for a way out of the awkward situation. Without thinking, he made a reckless choice. The towel slipped from his hands.

Thivi froze, eyes widening. “Waaah!”

Before she could react further, Kaivan quickly wrapped the towel around her instead, pushing her out of the bathroom.

“Give it back when I’m done,” he said curtly, shutting and locking the door.

Outside, Thivi stood motionless, still swathed in the towel. Her face burned red, yet a smile tugged at her lips. Inside, Kaivan finally found a moment’s peace to shower, though his thoughts spun endlessly. He knew—this coming week would be anything but ordinary.

Night descended. The house fell quiet once more. At the dinner table, Kaivan and Thivi sat across from each other. A simple meal lay between them, but the silence carried a weight, louder than any words. Thivi’s cheerful smile never faltered, though something unspoken lingered, like laughter trapped in her throat.

Kaivan ate slowly, occasionally stealing glances at Thivi as she enjoyed her meal. He chose to hold back, while she seemed intent on pretending nothing had happened. Still, curiosity flickered in Kaivan’s eyes, impossible to hide.

When they finished, Kaivan let out a breath. He needed air.

“Thivi,” he called, his voice low but firm. She lifted her head.

“Bring your cigarettes. Let’s go to the rooftop.”

Her brows rose in surprise, but she didn’t object. Reaching into her bag, she pulled them out. “You first, Kaivan,” she said with a small smile, trying to ease the sudden seriousness in the air.

Beneath a star-scattered sky, they sat side by side on the roof, letting the night wind brush against their faces. Kaivan lit a cigarette, exhaling smoke as if trying to chase away the weight pressing down on him. Beside him, Thivi watched intently. “Why didn’t you let me scrub your back earlier?” she asked lightly, though her words carried a hidden edge.

Kaivan only smiled faintly. “Forget it. That’s not what I want to talk about.” His tone shifted.

Thivi offered her cigarette. “Then what is it, Kaivan?”

He inhaled deeply, smoke trailing into the night sky. “I have to leave again,” he said flatly, though the weight in his voice was clear. His gaze sharpened. “The Omnicent Tome gave me a lead. I have to find someone in Purwakarta.”

Thivi turned quickly. “Someone? Who?” Her voice dropped, tinged with unease.

“His name is Raphael. I won’t be alone. Ethan will help.” Kaivan’s eyes lingered on the fading glow of his cigarette.

Thivi leaned back, staring at the heavens. “Ethan? Is he really that important?”

“He’s a former gangster. Knows the underworld better than most. Raphael isn’t just anyone—he’s tied to terrorists. The Tome says he’s the key to something bigger.”

Silence wrapped around them. Thivi’s expression hardened. “So this isn’t just another mission. You know it’s dangerous.”

Kaivan nodded slowly. “I can’t turn back. The Tome has never been wrong. All I can do is follow.”

With a swift motion, Thivi lit her cigarette, exhaling sharply. “If you ask me, this is no longer something kids should be handling. It looks more dangerous by the day.”

Kaivan met her eyes, saying nothing. Only a slow, heavy nod. The night reclaimed their silence, and in that stillness, the seeds of weighty decisions began to take root.

When they finally descended from the rooftop, the atmosphere inside the house felt heavier. Without a word, Thivi slipped into Kaivan’s room, while he drifted wearily toward the living room. His steps echoed exhaustion, the sound of someone already burdened by what lay ahead.

Lying across the sofa, Kaivan stared at the ceiling. His eyes remained open, mind tangled with visions of Raphael and Ethan. Their names circled in his head, puzzles waiting to be solved. At last, his eyelids fell shut. In the darkness, he searched for calm, even as tomorrow loomed like a storm.

---

Morning crept in gently, soft light filtering through the gap in the curtains. The glow brushed against Kaivan’s sleeping face, stirring him awake. He stretched, rubbing his eyes, though the fatigue of yesterday still lingered. With a sluggish motion, he rose, fixed his messy hair, and trudged toward the bathroom.

From the kitchen came the cheerful voices of Thivi and Teh Kira, mingling with the clatter of cookware. The air carried the warmth of breakfast, filling the house with a comforting scent. Peeking in, Kaivan saw Thivi standing by the stove, her short hair tousled yet charming, while Teh Kira busied herself with plates.

“This is for lunch, okay? Don’t forget to eat it,” Thivi said brightly, handing him a lunchbox.

Kaivan accepted it hesitantly, but a small smile slipped onto his lips. “Thanks, Thivi,” he replied softly. Simple, yet sincere.

After a warm breakfast, Kaivan prepared to leave for school. His steps were steady, though his mind still lingered on the guidance of the Omnicent Tome. Yet that morning, the warmth of home and the small kindnesses of those around him were enough to soothe his restless heart.

---

That morning, school was as lively as ever—filled with laughter, chatter, and hurried footsteps. Kaivan walked slowly through the corridor, seeking a moment of calm within the chaos of his tangled life.

But at the front gate, new footsteps entered. Felicia stood gracefully in her high school uniform, her long black hair flowing, crimson eyes sweeping across the courtyard. A gentle smile bloomed as she stepped forward—today, she officially became part of Kaivan’s world.

In the cafeteria, Radit was laughing with his friends when his gaze froze on the figure approaching. “Felicia?!” he exclaimed in shock, jumping to his feet.

“Hehe, yeah. I transferred here,” Felicia replied casually. She brushed her hair back, then added softly, “I moved because of Kaivan. They said he often gets bullied here… and I can’t stay calm being far away from him.”

Radit fell silent, then nodded. “He’s in Class 11 Science. Upstairs, turn right.”

“Thanks, Radit!” Felicia waved lightly and walked off with steps that carried the rhythm of a heart falling far too deep.

Radit watched her go, a small smile tugging at his lips. Deep down, he knew Kaivan would never be ready for this surprise.

At Ratu High, life rarely changed. But today, something disrupted that routine. A girl walked in—her steps light, her black hair flowing like midnight, her eyes sharp yet warm. Felicia.

“Excuse me, is this Class 11 A?” Her voice was kind, yet firm. The two students at the doorway froze.

Dandi pointed nervously. “Y-yeah, at the end of the hall.”

Rina stared at Felicia intently. Something about her felt off. Without another word, she ran to the cafeteria.

There, Tania was lounging. Rina rushed over, breathless. “She… that girl, she’s a student here now.”

Tania straightened. “Who?”

“The one who insulted you,” Rina whispered. Tania’s hand clenched her plastic cup until it cracked. “She’s heading to Kaivan’s class,” Rina added.

“Good,” Tania murmured, a dark smile spreading. “She’ll regret it today.”

Meanwhile, Felicia walked toward Kaivan’s classroom. Whispers followed her steps, but she pressed on. The classroom door was ahead. Her heart pounded.

Inside, Kaivan sat in a daze, having just finished the lunch Thivi had prepared. He reached for his water bottle when suddenly, two hands covered his eyes.

“Guess who?” Felicia’s cheerful voice chimed.

Kaivan quickly pulled the hands away and turned. His eyes widened at the sight of Felicia standing before him. Her smile was like sunlight breaking through the heavy clouds in his mind. She held a lunchbox adorned with a small ribbon, the gesture showing she had prepared it with great care.

“F-Felicia? What are you doing here?” Kaivan asked, bewildered yet faintly glad. A quiet warmth spread through his chest.

Felicia’s smile widened. “Hehe, I transferred here! I heard you often get picked on at this school. I can’t relax unless I’m by your side.” Her words were light, yet overflowing with sincerity.

Kaivan was left speechless. His eyes shifted between Felicia and the empty lunchbox in his hands. “I know you transferred… but why come to my class?” he muttered, holding up the empty box.

Felicia’s cheerful expression hardened. Her crimson eyes sharpened as they fell on the lunchbox. She stepped forward quickly, making Kaivan instinctively lean back. Her strong hand gripped his shoulder, holding him in place.

“That… was Thivi’s cooking, wasn’t it?!” she asked firmly, her gaze piercing into him. The weight of her voice made Kaivan feel like he was being interrogated.

Kaivan swallowed hard, powerless beneath her stare. “Y-yeah… it was Thivi’s,” he admitted awkwardly.

The once-quiet Class 11 shifted as attention turned toward Felicia standing at Kaivan’s desk. Her very presence seemed to change the air. Her long black hair flowed perfectly down to her waist, glimmering in the sunlight streaming through the window. The faint smile on her lips carried both elegance and an undeniable strength.

“You’re still hungry, aren’t you, Kaivan?” Felicia asked softly, though her eyes carried a resolve that couldn’t be refused. Her voice cut through the chatter of the classroom, and suddenly the noise faded into silence. Every student who had been busy with their own world now held their breath, watching with curiosity.

Kaivan froze. He had just finished the lunch Thivi made for him, but his gaze shifted from Felicia’s face to the lunchbox she was holding out. He knew this girl wouldn’t settle for a half-hearted answer. With a small, awkward smile, he replied, “I already ate… but yeah, I guess I’m still a little hungry, hehe.”

Felicia gave him no room to retreat. With a swift yet graceful motion, she opened her lunchbox. A warm, inviting aroma spilled into the air, filling the room. Taking the seat across from Kaivan, she moved as if the spot had always belonged to her.

“Alright then, I’ll feed you. Open wide—aaah.” She held out a bite of food toward him.

Kaivan had no choice. Hesitantly, he opened his mouth, accepting the bite. Each mouthful felt heavier than the last. His stomach, already full, began to protest, but he forced himself to chew and swallow. Deep down, he knew Felicia wouldn’t take rejection lightly.

Whispers spread across the classroom, sneaking between breaths. Curious glances darted in their direction.

“Is she the new student?” “She’s gorgeous… is she Kaivan’s girlfriend?” “No wonder he ignores Tania.”

Kaivan heard every word, but it was hard to focus on anything else. Felicia sat there, smiling warmly as she watched him eat, her expression radiating satisfaction.

Once he finished, Felicia neatly packed her lunchbox away. Kaivan, trying to ease the tension, asked, “So… what class are you in? Since when did you transfer here?”

“Class 11-B4. Today’s my first day. Now, show me around the school, okay?” she said quickly, slipping her hand into his. Before he could refuse, Kaivan found himself being pulled along, following her confident steps through hallways that suddenly felt like a stage.

From behind a pillar, a sharp pair of eyes glared—Tania. Her gaze pierced through, heavy with anger wrapped around old wounds.

“Kaivan should’ve relied on me. Bullied, broken… and then saved by me. That’s how it was supposed to be. I’d pull him close, use him however I pleased… just like before,” she muttered bitterly, every word drenched in resentment.

Beside her stood Dandi, broad-shouldered with long hair, watching with unease. He knew Tania’s emotions weren’t to be underestimated. “Tania… are you really just mad? Or is this something else? Obsession, maybe?” he asked carefully.

Tania’s head snapped toward him, eyes blazing. “Obsession? Don’t be ridiculous! He’s just a weakling I played with once. And now… now I’ll be the one to humiliate him!” Her voice rang sharp, yet unsteady—cracks she couldn’t hide.

From the back, Rina adjusted her glasses, crossing her arms as she leaned against the wall. “Leave her, Dan. She’s fighting her own battle right now. We can’t interfere.” Her tone was calm but firm.

Around them, students whispered nervously. “No wonder Kaivan turned her down… look at him now. His new girl’s way out of her league.” “Shh! Careful, Tania can hear you.”

Tania’s fists clenched, her face flushed red—not only with anger, but shame. The whispers cut deep. She spun around and stormed off, leaving Dandi and Rina in a silence that spoke for itself.

Meanwhile, Kaivan and Felicia finished their little tour of the school. Felicia walked with light steps, as if the floor itself had become her stage. Kaivan trailed behind, awkward under the weight of countless eyes.

In the garden, they spotted Radit lounging on a bench, legs propped up lazily. “Yo, Kaivan! Still hungry? Two lunches and you’re still standing?” he teased, laughter bubbling out.

Kaivan waved, forcing a stiff chuckle.

Radit shook his head. “Unbelievable. You ate Thivi’s lunch and then Felicia’s? What are you, a bottomless pit?”

Felicia smiled, her hand brushing lightly over Kaivan’s shoulder. “Kaivan can handle anything I make for him.” Without hesitation, she sat down on his lap. Radit froze, stunned. The silence that followed was heavy, yet brimming with unspoken meaning. Something new had begun.

Raising his hand, Radit gestured as if to stop them. “Hey, Felicia. This is school, not your living room. Don’t make this a habit here,” he said, trying to sound stern, though a faint smile betrayed him.

Felicia frowned in confusion. “Remember what?” she asked innocently, unaware of how much attention her actions had drawn.

Kaivan cleared his throat softly. “I mean… don’t sit on my lap like this. People are watching,” he murmured, glancing nervously around as whispers began to spread.

Felicia sighed, then stood up and slid into the chair beside him. “Fine, fine. I’ll move,” she muttered, a faint trace of disappointment lingering behind her smile. She quickly shifted the topic. “We’ve got physical training again this afternoon. Don’t forget.”

Both Kaivan and Radit slumped at once. They knew exactly what that meant: sore muscles and sweat. Still, neither argued, only nodding to avoid stretching the awkwardness.

Their conversation flowed lightly after that, like a stream weaving between forest shade. Quiet laughter, soft smiles. Felicia tucked a strand of her long hair behind her ear, while Kaivan kept his gaze fixed ahead—careful to avoid meeting her eyes. They talked about trivial things: lessons, drinks from the cafeteria, small events in class.

Then the bell rang, loud and sharp. The warmth of laughter was replaced by silence.

Kaivan rose, checking his watch. “Let’s head back to class.”

Felicia nodded, but just as they were about to leave, Kaivan raised a hand to stop her.

His eyes locked onto hers. “Fel… let the others know to gather at the workshop. Don’t be late. There’s something I need to tell them.”

Felicia’s brows lifted, her ruby-red eyes flickering with unspoken questions, but she didn’t press. “Alright. I’ll let them know,” she replied gently.

She pulled her phone from the pocket of her skirt, her fingers moving swiftly, with the calm focus of a soldier carrying out a mission.

And Kaivan… could only watch her walk away, carrying his message—and a secret soon to be shared.

From the shadows of another corridor, Tania stood clutching a book to her chest, her gaze sharp, hiding the unrest boiling quietly within.

“His other friends?” she whispered, narrowing her eyes as if trying to pierce Kaivan’s thoughts from afar. “Don’t tell me… he has a secret place now. What is he planning?”

That suspicion clung to her like ice—cold, sharp, and unwilling to let go.

---

The moment Kaivan stepped into the classroom, the air stirred with noise. A student raised his hand, a teasing grin on his face.

“Hey, that girl who fed you earlier... is she your girlfriend?” he asked, half joking, half serious.

The question dropped like a stone into still water—every gaze immediately turned toward Kaivan.

He paused. His eyes were sharp, unwavering. “No... she isn’t,” he replied softly, yet firmly.

Before the tension could fade, another voice cut in. “Then how do you know the new transfer student? People are saying she moved here because of you.”

Kaivan’s eyes drifted toward the window. In that silence, memories flickered: Felicia in the abandoned mall, striking him without mercy. A brutal meeting, absurd yet undeniably real. His lips almost curved into a faint smile, but his face remained cold, unreadable.

Heavy footsteps echoed into the classroom. A teacher entered.

“All right, everyone. Turn to page thirty-two.”

The questions dissolved into silence. Kaivan let out a quiet breath of relief.

---

Meanwhile, in the school corridor, Radit walked at an easy pace. One hand in his pocket, his eyes sharp and watchful.

A classmate called out to him. “Radit, who’s that pretty girl you were with earlier?”

Radit paused, his brows knitting for a brief moment before a faint smile touched his lips. “Just happened to walk together. I don’t really know her.”

His friend nodded, seemingly satisfied. But Radit knew better—the curiosity hadn’t died. It was only quiet for now, biding its time to flare up again.

---

Felicia sat alone, surrounded by a small fortress of freshly bought books. Her fingers turned the pages slowly, her eyes tracing each line as if savoring every word. The clamor around her faded into nothingness—she seemed to exist in a quiet world of her own.

Suddenly, a boy approached, a practiced smile on his face. “Hey, who are you going home with today? Want me to walk you?” His tone was casual, yet carried a pressing weight beneath it.

Felicia lifted her gaze. Her crimson eyes cut sharp. “I’m going home alone. But a friend will come pick me up.” Her voice was soft—yet unyielding, like a wall of steel.

The boy hesitated, then nodded and walked away. Felicia lowered her eyes back to the book. But Kaivan’s voice echoed in her mind: the workshop later. She knew—it wouldn’t be an ordinary gathering.

Calmly, she closed her book and stacked them neatly. She was ready to face something much greater than a quiet afternoon of reading.

---

Time flowed on, and the school settled back into its usual rhythm. Yet beneath the routine, something waited. The dismissal bell rang. The day was far from over.

Kaivan packed his things quickly, eager to head for the workshop. But a voice stopped him at the doorway.

“Kaivan! Where are you going today?”

Tania stood there, cheerful on the surface, but her eyes brimmed with hope—searching, almost clinging to the past.

Kaivan knew where this was heading. He didn’t answer. The last book slid into his bag, the zipper closed. Without a glance, he walked straight past her.

But Tania didn’t step aside. She blocked his path.

“Kaivan, wait! Why are you avoiding me? What did I do wrong? You weren’t like this before... You’ve changed!”

He stopped. His back remained turned, his breath heavy. A few classmates lingered at the doorway, instinctively quiet. They could sense it—this wasn’t a simple quarrel.

Kaivan stood there, unmoving, facing a shadow he no longer wished to carry.

“What do you want? I’m busy,” he said at last, his voice firm.

Tania flinched, then drew a breath, trying to stay strong. “Why are you like this, Kaivan? Is it because of your new friends? You’ve changed… But we’re best friends. You promised you’d introduce me to your parents after graduation. Now you won’t even talk to me... why?” Her voice trembled with a soft ache, as if trying to reach his heart.

A faint smile touched her lips—the same smile that once charmed him. But the word best friend now rang hollow, almost mocking.

Kaivan slowly turned his head. His gaze was dark, sharp. The corridor grew tense.

“Best friend?” His voice was almost a whisper, yet it cut like ice.

He stepped closer, eyes never leaving hers. “Don’t ever call me that again. What kind of ‘friend’ uses someone as a tool?”

Tania staggered back, shocked. “Kaivan, I never—”

“Enough.” His voice rang out, cold and certain. “Do you think I didn’t know? Your smile, your words... all of it a mask. You only came when you needed something. You never cared. You leeched off me.”

Her breath caught, lips trembling. “I... I—”

“What? Different? Not like that?” Kaivan let out a bitter laugh. “Don’t waste my time. You’re no friend. You’re an opportunist. A sweet-tongued manipulator.”

Whispers spread like wildfire. Students exchanged glances. One voice murmured just loud enough for Tania to hear: “So she was pretending all along...?”

Kaivan stepped forward, close enough to feel her breath. His tone softened—but it was even more terrifying.

“Remember that night at the café with Dandi and Rina? You laughed at me. Remember how you made me trust you, then tossed me aside? Did you think I wouldn’t know? Or that I was too stupid to realize?”

Tania froze, her face pale.

“And now... you still dare come here, pretending to care? Empty words, Tania. No empathy, no heart. Just a performance. And me... I was nothing more than a pawn in your play.”

The whispers grew louder. Students edged away from her, their eyes cold. “Never thought she was that cruel,” someone muttered, just enough to sting.

Kaivan turned to leave. At the doorway, he looked back one last time. “And one more thing, Tania. If what I said hurt you... it’s nothing compared to the wounds you left in me for a year. So don’t expect sympathy.”

Tania stood frozen. No tears fell—not because it didn’t hurt, but because she refused to show weakness. Her jaw clenched, teeth grinding, holding back the storm within. The empty classroom echoed with silence—not sadness, but fire.

Kaivan walked down the corridor toward the gates. His steps were heavy, yet his chest felt a little lighter. The outburst had brought relief, though he hated the way it happened. The pain had been voiced, but the scars ran deep. In his heart, he made a vow: never again would he open himself to those who only knew how to take.

At the school gate, he saw her—Thivi. The girl leaned casually against the post, dressed in a tight white tank top and bold hot pants. Confidence radiated from her like sunlight. Her blue eyes sparkled, alive and unrestrained.

“KAIVAAAAN!” Thivi’s voice rang out, high and sharp, cutting through the quiet afternoon. Students turned their heads. She waved enthusiastically, her wide grin contagious.

Admiring and envious stares gathered around her, yet Thivi only shone brighter. She thrived under the spotlight. And now, that spotlight shifted onto Kaivan.

Kaivan looked at her. His face calm, though weary. But inside, a weight eased. Thivi always brought a glimmer of light when his sky turned gray.

His steps toward her grew lighter, though the shadow of the classroom scene still lingered.

“Hey, I’m here! You walk so slow,” Thivi greeted, her eyes sparkling, her smile like morning light. Kaivan approached without expression. “Carry my bag,” he said flatly, handing her the burden.

Thivi accepted it without complaint, though its heaviness surprised her. “What is this, bricks?” she joked lightly. Yet her movements were steady, without a hint of protest—only quiet joy. Being needed was enough. As she bent slightly to balance the weight, more eyes fell on her. She simply smiled, basking in the attention.

Kaivan reached out and gently patted her head. “Thanks.” A single word, but it was enough. Thivi’s smile softened into something rare—tender, unguarded. She understood without needing him to explain.

From another corridor, Tania watched the scene unfold. Her eyes widened. Who is she? Kaivan, who used to put me first… now he’s with another girl? The thought bit deep, leaving behind an unfamiliar fear. Kaivan was no longer the same.

Old memories flashed—Kaivan waiting outside her class, buying her whatever she wanted. But now, that boy stood surrounded by stares and light. He no longer belonged to her.

A black SUV pulled up. Frans, behind the wheel, rolled down the window. “I’ve already picked up Zinnia,” he said casually. From inside, Zinnia waved, her violet hair tied high, her eyes sharp as ever.

Not long after, Felicia appeared, walking calmly toward the gate. She greeted them with a faint smile. “See you at the workshop,” she said evenly, as if it were inevitable. She took Thivi’s hand and guided her into the car driven by Frans.

Once seated, Thivi leaned closer, a mischievous smile curling her lips. “By the way, I bathed with Kaivan yesterday.”

In an instant, Felicia pushed open the window. A sharp, mocking frown cut across her face.

“I’m staying at your place again tonight. And you… you actually bathed with Thivi?” she said loudly.

Her words cracked through the air like thunder. The chatter around them froze. Whispers spread like wildfire, eyes snapping toward Kaivan—confused, jealous, awed. Who is he, really? The question burned silently in every gaze.

Kaivan stiffened. Felicia’s words pierced him to the core. His eyes darted around, his mind clouded, his chest tightened with shame. His tongue felt heavy, unable to form a single word.

Radit appeared, trying to lighten the mood. He slung an arm around Kaivan with a laugh. “Wow, the kid who used to get bullied all the time actually managed to bathe with a girl like that.”

But the memory of Thivi stepping into the bathroom with him slashed through Kaivan’s thoughts once more. The stares, the whispers growing louder, and the crushing weight of humiliation made him wish he could vanish from that place entirely. It felt as if the world itself was laughing at him.

From a distance, Tania stood frozen. Her eyes locked onto Kaivan, her thoughts unraveling into chaos. That’s Kaivan? The new kid—protected by Radit, trailed by a gorgeous girl acting like his attendant, chauffeured by a boy with a luxury car, and… another woman waiting in the car for him?

Everything felt reversed. Once she stood above him, but now Kaivan towered at the summit. Jealousy, regret, and disbelief pummeled her heart without mercy. In silence, she screamed: That’s not the Kaivan I used to know.

Meanwhile, Kaivan—nearly drowned in his own shame and anger—strode quickly toward his motorcycle. He clutched the key tightly, started the engine without looking at anyone. All he wanted was a single thing—to escape the stares, the voices, the crowd. To retreat into solitude, where his wounds could bleed unseen.