TTS Elderly Edition AU (Non-Canon Bonus Scene)

                                                              ≈≈≈ OLD MAN CHAOS BREAK ≈≈≈

The wyverns circled overhead, screeching like kettle alarms.

Nathan, now eighty-four and one stiff breeze away from an overdue nap, shuffled his walker forward and tried to look intimidating.

"Back in my day, the dungeon respected its fuckin' elders!"

He bent down to adjust the tiny moss puffs he used in place of tennis balls on his walker—
and farted.

Three orcs behind him died instantly.

Kieran smelled it immediately. Unfortunately, his sense of smell was still elite.

"Draegor! You farted mana again. You smell."

Nathan hunched over his walker, wheezing. "You want me to do a spell?"

"No, you smell!" Kieran barked, already swinging his augmented walking stick at a wyvern. The creature exploded.

"You don't need a spell!" Nathan snapped.

"SMELL!"

"Fine, fine, I'll do a spell."

Kieran opened his mouth to clarify he absolutely did not say that.

Too late.

Nathan lifted both gnarled hands off his walker, and his joints cracked like a firework finale. A pulse of mana erupted and blasted upward in a blinding column of light, nearly knocking him off his feet.

The sky exploded.

Three wyverns vaporized instantly.

Two more spiraled out of the air like overcooked frisbees.

The last one took one look at the elderly duo and made the tactical choice to die from fear.

Kieran stared at the sky. Then at Nathan.

"I said you smell."

Nathan dusted off his cloak. "Yes, yes, you're welcome. Spells are hard these days."

"I SAID—"

Kieran's frustration flared.

So did his walking stick.

"SMELL!"

A clean arc of golden mana shot out and obliterated the remaining ground attackers who somehow survived Nathan's mana death farts.

Nathan patted his arm. "See? You still got it."

Kieran exhaled. "I was trying to scold you. And you made everything reek. You're still farting, aren't you?"

Nathan smiled. "You did great, sir."

Kieran sighed. "Shit."

"What?"

Kieran shook his head. "Nothing."

Wild magic rippled across the valley, powered entirely by senior rage.

The two continued on their way, shuffling and bickering, corpses in their wake, as if this were simply their morning walk.

                                                          ✦──────༺༻──────✦

This silly AU bonus short was inspired by a comment on another platform.

The commenter wondered if Nathan and Kieran's overall progress was so slow that, starting at one percent upon exiting the tutorial, they might literally be old men by the time they finished.

It was a wonderful question.

I assured them that these two would not be walking out with canes and bad knees. However, I couldn't shake the mental image of them as octogenarians, still battling monster hordes with walkers and curse words, courtesy of my overstimulated, caffeine-fueled, sleep-deprived brain.

I cackled like a madwoman, and this was the result of my madness.

I hope you enjoyed!

—Star Road