A Hunter’s Scar

I was born a Saegusa.

People think that means honor, prestige, elegance. All the poetic nonsense found in Bureau brochures.

But the truth? Being born into the Saegusa Clan is like being issued a sword instead of a childhood.

I do not remember learning to walk. I do remember learning to step without making a sound. I do not remember my first toy. I do remember the first talisman I accidentally swallowed because no one explained that children are not supposed to ingest holy paper.

By age three, I was swinging a charm-blade. By six, I was reciting purifying sutras until my voice cracked. By nine, I was taken to the field to observe real missions. The elder hunters would say,
‘Do not fall behind. If you fall, you die.’

‘Motivating,’ I had muttered once, during my teenage years. I received a week of silent punishment for my attitude.

That is just the Saegusa way. You are not loved, you are assessed. Evaluated. Ranked. Graded like meat in a market stall.

And the worst of it? Even after all the training, all the blood, all the endless drills, I plateaued early.

My little brother surpassed me before he even finished losing his baby teeth. My cousin unlocked a spiritual mutation and grew spectral wings. My classmates mastered mantras as if they were collecting stickers.

And the elders looked at me with that expression I grew to hate more than those I exorcise.

‘Acceptable.’

‘Expected.’

‘Predictable.’

‘Normal for a Saegusa.’

“Normal”. My mortal enemy, in adjective form.

Normal meant I was not special enough really to cherish nor exceptional enough to fear. Normal meant replaceable. Normal meant if I vanished, the clan would simply shrug and train the next child.

The first time I stood on the temple roof at sixteen, I wondered if my absence would leave even a dent.

I did not jump. But the thought sat quietly with me for years.

Then came “the ultimate mission”, the grand opportunity to prove myself, as the elders put it, like a final exam from the gods.

Exorcise the runaway Kuroyanagi heir. Capture or kill Mutsuki.

A catastrophic-class target. A vampire. A threat to society.

My clan practically salivated. An alliance with the Kuroyanagi or better, a political debt. Oh the prestige, honor and status that I could bring to the family. My parents were begging me to at least get this done for them.

‘Bring him back or bring him down,’ they told me. ‘Do not fail.’

They did not send the strongest hunter. They sent me. Seventeen-year-old, plateaued, predictable me.

And somehow, like some TV drama ridiculously impossible to happen in life romcom, we crossed paths.

I followed him to an abandoned ryokan in the mountains. Snow fell like shredded paper talismans all around us. My charm-blade glowed faintly between my fingers and the back of his neck.

He stood in the middle of the unroofed room like he was expecting me. Alone, trembling and disheveled. Despite being the one at my mercy, he held a certain pride. Like he gets to decide when he goes. Where he goes.

‘Mutsuki Kuroyanagi, I hereby exorcise you.’

I did not have to announce that. My blade already started burning the part of his neck that it made contact with. He knew what my intentions were.

‘Shigure, right?’ He said.

How he knew my name, I never asked. He turned around very slowly, maybe not to startle me. But by the time he turned around, it was like the night skies was preparing a spotlight for him. The snow stopped, the clouds opened up, and the moonlight descended directly just to show me his crying face.

He was not a monster. Or if he was, he was the beautifulest creature I have ever laid my eyes on.

‘P-please,’ he whispered weakly, ‘I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just… wanted to make people happy. I… did not want to hurt anyone, ever.’

He looked at me as though begging for a life he believed he didn’t deserve. The heir of the world. Someone brimming with talent and powers I will never, ever possess.

I had been trained to kill nightmares. But what stood before me was a scared, exhausted young man who apologized for existing.

For the first time in my life, within his presence, I heard my own thoughts without interference. No nagging from relatives. No whispering from teens my age. No bickering from my parents. I cried as well. For some reason, the person I was meant to capture ended up comforting me.

He became my secret for a while. My mind was always at peace with him. He always looked guilty but gentle. Always prettier up close than should be legally allowed. He had the red vampire eyes which he covers with contacts or accessories. 

Every time he thanked me for not reporting him, my clan’s scolding echoed in my mind. Every time he worried about me, my clan’s coldness stung sharper.

Mutsuki eventually fled overseas. I came back empty-handed. So, I lied to the clan. He escaped me, I said. The trail went cold, I said. They called me incompetent, but they already predicted that anyways. The only thing I did not disappoint them on is, disappointing them.

My mother looked at me like I had stolen from the family. After years of holding it in, I finally cracked. I cried murder. I cried as if I was the one needing exorcism. That night, in the storage shed where no one could hear me, I realized no Saegusa wanted the real Shigure, only her achievements.

But Mutsuki, he had thanked me. He even bowed to me, after my attempt on slashing his neck. He worried for me. No one had asked me if I was alright in years. He made me feel seen. And I hated it. Because I was not allowed to be anything other than a hunter. And I was certainly not allowed to fall for a vampire.

I couldn’t deny it anymore. I love Mutsuki.

He eventually came back to Japan, due to Maria’s relentless search, and became widely accepted as a magical idol vampire of sorts. He learned to minimize his already innate inborn power amplified by vampirism, via putting it all in a compact form of a female body. It was a genius idea.

I had still loved him all these time. Though, I prefer his male look. I even sent him fan mails in secrecy. My clan noticed of course. I feared I might get punished once more, but the clan descended into a type of chaos I did not expect.

‘Oh? You like him?’

‘That might be politically useful.’

‘You must win him, Shigure.’

‘If you marry him, imagine the alliance.’

‘Yes, yes, pursue him!’

They wanted me to hunt love the way they wanted me to hunt yokai. Efficiently, brutally, and flawlessly.

They turned my feelings into strategy. They did not want me happy. They wanted me useful.

I told myself that If I can’t be the clan’s strongest hunter, I can at least be the clan’s greatest asset. And if, in the process, I get to be with the one person who treated me kindly, was that so wrong?

I worked hard on myself so I can be the best version of myself when I meet him again. No exorcism, no weapons. Just two adults who crossed paths in this world. An equal playing field. He doesn’t have to run, and I don’t have to keep my feelings a secret.

Just when I thought I can finally show him what he was missing out on, dressing up as a woman, when he can be with one. Just when I thought, this time, there won’t be any one who will stand between us, I saw her, beside him. Fujikura You, the shrine maiden.

The name alone annoyed me. The Fujikura are a dormant clan. No politics, no ego, no ambition. Historically powerful shrine protectors, yes, but that’s it.

They’re known to be quiet, noble, reserved and elegant. Everything my family pretends to be and fails at. And Youchan was their princess. The perfect shrine maiden. The perfect daughter.

I met her for the first time during a staff meeting. I thought she was incredibly beautiful. I had wished I was born in a family like that. I heard they do not even force her to do anything. She just decided to offer herself for the family’s duty. She could’ve been my friend…

Enter interschool meet. There I was, looking immaculate, leading my class of elite prodigy children, prepared to impress him. Then I saw the way he looked at her.

She held his hand so that he would stop trembling. He turned red. I almost choked on my own oxygen.

Why her? Why not me? What does she have that I—

But then I remembered… Everything. A clan princess. Soft as moonlight. Strong as an ancient tree. Everything I am not. Everything I could not become.

I hated her. I admired her. I wanted to push her into a pond and also braid her hair while crying.

He looked at her the way I had dreamed he might look at me.

Still, I refused to lose.

And that was the mood I carried into meeting him again, after all these years. My class marched in perfect triangular formation. Aura control is flawless. Uniforms are immaculate. Every child is a honed blade.

Compared to this Torii Heart School. Eight misfits trailing behind a crossdressed ex-idol who looked like he’d rather play make believe than handle a field trip. I had memorized his students, of course.

Mon vibrated. Gon flirted with the wind. Honey squeaked. Kishin sweat beads. Meow trembled. Akashi steamed. Kojiro glared at anything that moved. Sumire radiated princess superiority.

And Mutsuki, my Mutsuki, trying desperately to keep them in one piece.

I approached him with the confidence of a woman ready to reclaim her romantic destiny. I could not help myself. I even tried to kiss him. His barrier stopped me so fast I almost ate my own lipstick.

‘Please don’t kiss me in front of the children, Shigure.’

A gentleman. An idiot. The love of my life.

The misfits clapped silently like theatre critics. The shrine maiden watched, serene as ever. He blushed. She blushed. I combusted.

The misfit children adored him. All of them. They orbited him like tiny, feral planets. Protective. Possessive. Devoted. Even Kojiro, who glares at sunlight, softened when Mutsuki fixed his helmet strap.

And Mutsuki, he looked… happy. The kind of happy I had never seen in him before.

I was so jealous, I insulted his class. Not greatly. Just a little jab, for cheering on that shrine maiden. He stepped forward like I had stabbed his heart instead of their dignity.

‘Don’t,’ he said softly, ‘talk to my students.’

My breath caught. His aura flared faintly. The misfits rose as one, forming a crescent around him. Eight tiny warriors defending their favorite person.

‘I care about them.’ He crouched to cup Meow’s cheek and whisper, ‘You’re not broken,’ I felt something in my ribs splinter.

He also said that to me. Mutsuki stood, facing me with eyes bright and steady.

‘Because they are mine.’ He confidently announced.

The kind of ‘mine’ I never knew growing up. The kind children deserve. The kind I never received.

His words had an effect not just on me. My elite students stiffened. The misfits glowed. The shrine maiden smiled proudly at him.

I lost. For now.

Just when I thought I have retreated into safety, Maria appeared.

‘Shigure Saegusa.’

Fired. Just before I can do anything with Mutsuki…

I followed her into her office like a scolded puppy.

Maria folded her arms.‘Explain.’

‘I—’

‘You may bully Mutsuki,’ she said flatly. ‘That is fine. He deserves it.’

I choked on nothing.

‘But you may not attack his students. Even verbally. Understood?’

I swallowed. ‘I didn’t mean—’

‘You meant to,’ she said. ‘But you will not do it again.’

Her gaze sharpened.

‘Do you love him?’

I nearly set my own soul on fire.

‘Maria-san!’

‘I need honesty. It affects his rehabilitation plan.’

‘His wh—’

‘He spirals,’ she said plainly. ‘He self-isolates. He believes he is dangerous. Stability matters. And you…’ She paused. ‘You are not stable.’

Well. There goes my spine.

‘But,’ she continued, ‘I will not forbid you from being near him.’

I stared. ‘You… won’t?’

‘No. Because he does not run from you. He finds your confidence grounding.’

My heart performed an embarrassing cartwheel. So, Mutsuki did not tell her the full story of our meeting? Figures. Maria would not hire me had she known I tried to kill Mutsuki.

‘But,’ she added sharply, ‘if you want to be part of his life, do not burn down the children.’

Ah. Yes. That. 

I bowed deeply and apologized for my behaviour. 

When I stepped back outside, my eyes found him right away.

Mutsuki gently fixing Honey’s shoelaces. Adjusting Meow’s helmet. Untangling Mon from his enchantments. Letting Akashi and Honey cling while pretending it wasn’t happening. Patting Kishin’s head. Dodging Sumire’s water gun. Thanking Youchan for keeping everyone calm. They were a family. His family.

I want to be part of that…

Maria’s words lingered in my head as I looked over him.

‘If you truly wish for his happiness, let him walk toward it. Not be dragged.’

I have spent my whole life dragging. Dragging myself. Dragging expectations. Dragging worthlessness.

Maybe it’s time I learn to walk. Alongside him. Not by force. Not by scheming. Not by stepping over Youchan. Though I could not promise anything. I will fight her in my dreams for now.

Shigure Saegusa does not give up.