Ch.1 Marvel in death

The last thing I remembered was the feeling of oppression and the unwillingness to just stand down and do nothing. Then came the gunshot, the sharp pain in my head and the incredulity. Then the brief muffled sound of shrieks and panicked shouts. Then nothing, my mind gone into darkness for an unknown amount of time.
I was now floating or I think I was floating. Perhaps I was falling. My mind was struggling to understand what was happening to me, some of my senses were gone, others jumbled into an unfamiliar form. I was Evan, Evan Cole. My memory of my identity returned, then I let myself focus on my surroundings for a bit I could see lights, clouds, colors move by... Or perhaps I was moving by them. But that wasn't important. I realized I couldn't tell if I was seeing. It wasn't as if I had eyes, I just perceived things all around me.
My sluggish mind then realized, I was probably dead. So much for playing hero back then, trying to play around the vigilance of those terrorists, perhaps it did help and no one else tried to get smart and got killed as a result, at least this much consolation. But my death wasn't something than came as a shock. Or rather I was conscious so could I be really called dead? I couldn't, could I? So then what was I? A ghost? A soul? I thought that perhaps I should be afraid, but I felt very free. There was no body no pressure acting on me, no heartbeat, no need to breathe. Somehow all the things that should have made me panic felt right, felt better. It felt free it felt as though a big part of my mind was suddenly freed from use. I felt light and perhaps due to the environment, perhaps due to the current carrying me... I felt strong.

A feeling of omnipotence was plaguing me. Everything felt more real than reality and yet strangely ethereal. I felt solid but I knew I wasn't I wasn't bound in shape as a human, yet I naturally took this shape. I felt as though I could pull those stars, alter my surroundings. All the while the feeling grew. I thought perhaps my body? Soul?... Anyway, I was perhaps absorbing something from this space as I was pulled towards some unknown destination. This constant growth was also exhilarating, but I had a vague idea that this space should have teared me apart or rubbed my mind of my soul and as my senses grew sharper, I became more and more convinced of this. I soon put this in the back of my head. So what if I was supposed to be wiped? Since I wasn't and I was even growing then whatever.
With this assessment of my state of being my mind was free to absorb the marvelous sights around. Nebulas colliding mixing and swirling, stars glittering from within creating a multicolored spectacle. It looked surreal, as though there was no gravity affecting anything. Everything was just chaotically floating, moving in its own path lost in what seemed as infinity. It was chaos in harmony. I never thought I'd couple those two words. I started regretting my inability to hear anything. But who knows perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, just 'cause it looked good didn't mean it sounded good. With a bit of amusement I realized that I should be happy I couldn't smell it. Inhaling multicolored glittery dust wasn't exactly appealing.
After an unknown amount of time I realized what my destination was. A golden swirl growing larger and larger. Within I started to distinguish a purplish glow and what looked like countless actual stars, nebulas, and galaxies forming a tapestry reminiscent of a net. Suddenly my growing sense of power vanished. I felt small and unimportant compared to the vastness before me. I wondered why when looking at the rest of the space I didn't feel as overwhelmed, but the thought soon vanished. I realized that unlike before, when I could change my course and the way I was going, now the course was set and there was nothing I could do to change it not even slow myself down. As the ethereal translucent swirls got bigger in front of me the impression, I got was that of a giant maw opening to swallow me whole. It took a very short time to start feeling a strong pull and shortly my new 'vision' went dark. The remaining thought as I lost consciousness was my unwillingness to part with the sensations and freedom from that space. Guess that's why the enlightened ones in my world always chose to move on and die, the physical body was truly too restrictive.
Another period of untold time passed before I regained my awareness, once again feeling bound, contained. I was in fluid, tightly pressed and curled. I felt in resonance with what was surrounding me, every heartbeat being answered at the same time. But the walls were squeezing me, constricting and pushing me away. I seemed to be moving, pushed to some other place. I couldn't tell where, couldn't resist. Soon I felt myself even more horribly squeezed. What felt like my head was being pushed through a tight orifice. This went on for a while, then light overcame my senses. The sensation of blindness from the sudden flash went away fast. I only saw a blur of things. Nothing made sense and I couldn't make out any details.
Someone or something was holding my head and pulling gently. It felt rough but soft, perhaps a worked female hand. Soon I was free. But the suffering didn't stop there. I was placed lying on my front and something, someone hit my back. I coughed up the liquid in my lungs, or rather it just spurted out of me, from my nose and mouth. The hit came again after a proper cough I started being pressed rhythmically. I started breathing, the cold air scrapping against my feeble nose and throat into my unused lungs. I held on in the pain and didn't make a sound, breathing hungrily the sensations of life settling in my mind again. Then I felt it. Or rather I stopped feeling it. The previous connection was gone, despite having another living being besides me gently holding and cradling me, I couldn't help but cry. Mourn the now missing connection.