The Shine of Applause

Takumi is sleeping in his room, late at night. His eyelids are quivering like he’s still awake, the iris below darting back and fourth, almost as if they were chasing something in his dreams.

Diving into the mind of Takumi, his thoughts are a storm of roaring applause and blindingly white spotlights.

The crowd cheers for Takumi, for no other reason than they need to. It’s because they’re meant to do it.

The intensity of the light, and the noise of the crowd isn’t increasing; it’s getting more and more quiet

After just a few seconds, none of the sounds and sights are left, just the deafening silence, and Takumi’s once defined silhouette is nothing more than a spot of black adding to the emptiness of the world.

Why isn’t there more? More applause…more lights…more attention?

Takumi’s hands are nothing more than white outlines, barely standing out from the black void he’s in.

He tries to move, but no progress is made. He tries to run but his distance remains zero.

Out of the corner of his eye, Takumi notices something. A star, white and glimmering.

He reaches out to grab it, extending his hand and cradling it in his fingers.

When he pulls it close, the star cracks once more. It then shrinks to a size he can hold in his palm, and he closes his hand on it.

Takumi hears what seems to be the faint sound of cracking glass, and opens his hands to check the star.

The sharp edges dug into his palm, leaving red scratch marks.

But it wasn’t the star. The ground beneath him is cracking.

Before he can react, a golden-glowing chasm opens below his feet and swallows him whole.

The once present boom of applause is now an echo, coercing him deeper into the bottomless pit.

Spotlights roar to life below Takumi, but never on him, always just farther than he currently is.

He reaches out, and his hand illuminates for a moment. The spotlights flicker, then completely shut off.

Takumi wakes up in a jolt, shooting out of bed.

What was that supposed to mean?

He quickly forgets the contents of the dream, and goes about his regular routine before school.

He styles his hair in the mirror, then forces himself to smile humbly. He checks his tie, fixing any imperfections.

Takumi heads to the kitchen for some breakfast, before peeking at the calendar on the fridge. Looking at today’s day, there’s something written:

“Takumi Tutor Session”

He thinks back to the first tutor session, where Yuna directly insulted him: she knew who he was, and decided to not give him the attention he deserved.

This time for sure…i’ll open her eyes. Then she can truly understand what it means to matter.

As he’s heading out the door, he notices his own reflection in a mirror near the front door, and takes to adjusting himself once more.

Fix any imperfections. Any outward anomalies.

When he enters class at school, he half-heartedly shoots a smile or wave to people greeting him.

He sits at his desk, and looks over to Yuna, trying to understand her.

How do you think? What separates you from the other numbers? I just don’t understand you, Yuna Yamaguchi.

Lunch time arrives, and a few classmates swarm Takumi’s desk, eagerly awaiting a response.

Takumi appears lost in thought, not even registering the words being said to him.

“Do you want to join us for lunch?” a female classmate asks

“Sure” Takumi automatically replies, like the words were meant to be said regardless of question

Takumi readjusts to the situation, wondering why his attention was somewhere else.

“What?” Takumi questions, like he didn’t already reply.

“I can’t believe Takumi Sora finally agreed to lunch! I’m so excited to eat with someone famous!”

Could have been worse. I just have to spend my valuable time on people so insignificant. Seriously, how inconsiderate can they be?

They all head to the cafeteria, and sit down at a table and begin eating.

As fast as they begin eating, they begin to sing Takumi’s praises.

“That movie you just starred in, you looked so cool!”
“Yeah, and that interview made you look super smart!”
“Plus the modeling you did for in-season was killer! You should consider modeling more!”

The words melt into a smaller crowd, applauding him on the stage in his mind…only…something’s wrong.

Their hands are moving, but where’s the sound? Where’s the glow of admiration?

Takumi thinks for a moment, then comes to the only logical conclusion

They’re just pretending. They see me shine, and want to stand close enough to feel like me.

They admire the shadows casted upon themselves from my light.

I need to remind them what it means to be a number.

“I’ll take that into consideration. It’s always nice to see what fans of mine think” Takumi humbly replies, playing the situation as it should.

The table livens once again, Takumi the centre of their attention

The sound of applause is heard again in Takumi’s head, much to his satisfaction.

The weightless motion of applause, without the burden of choice.

Takumi looks up, satisfied with the turn of events, until his gaze fixates on one person.

Her black hair reflects the sunlight from the windows in the cafeteria, swaying to the flow of the air conditioning almost hypnotically.

Yuna Yamaguchi, alongside the rest of the nameless students, is eating her lunch alone. In her offhand is a book, though Takumi can’t make the title out. Not that he cares.

Her lunch was onigiri and rolled egg, a common lunch for students like her.

He begins to stare, waiting for her to notice his attention. After all, how would attention as strong as his be ignored?

Takumi’s table begin talking more and more about him

“What’s your workout routine? If it helps me look as good as you I might need it!”
“How do you get your hair so silky?”
“Which parent did you get those beautiful eyes from?”
“Your fashion sense is, like, super amazing. I need to learn from you”
“You have a girlfriend? If you don’t…:”

The increase in praise lets Takumi play the “externally humble card”.

That’s right. Act like the nameless faces you are…

Their words grow dampened again, and the ambience of the cafeteria grows louder.

Takumi adjusts his bento box, the sound of the plastic sliding on the table resonating through Takumi's ears.

Takumi’s fake smile twitches momentarily, having to put up with the useless background noise from the cafeteria for the first time.

Why is this place so loud? Everyone needs to quiet down! Don’t they know who they’re in the same room as?!?

Takumi is irritated at the ambience of the cafeteria. Though he’d been here many times before, the chatter of the faceless crowd never entered his brain.

The grinding of the chairs on the linoleum floor.
The incessant chatter of his classmates.
The distant hum of the fluorescent lights.

The day ends, and Takumi finalizes his plan for the tutoring session later that day

Once we study for a while, I’ll decide we can take a break, then put on a movie I'd starred in.

After a while of seeing me on the screen, she’d finally come to the consensus that I am someone who deserves attention.

That someone like me deserves a name.

That someone like her doesn’t mean anything.

That someone like me deserves to shine.

That someone like her can’t change anything, or anyone.