Committment

By the time we made it back to the green room, the rest of the band had already left. They had made it to the tour bus to unwind before the short ride to our hotel, and then the early morning, traffic-intensive jot to Philadelphia. When we were done in the hallway, we didn’t say anything to each other. No affirmations, no I love yous. If she was like me, we were both overthinking everything between us.

“So, Cy,” she finally broke the silence as we stepped out of the room en route to the bus. “What are we?”

There it is. My mind perked up at the clarifying question.

“Well, I’m not sure what the title should be…I’d say we’re exclusive, but that’s all I know for certain.”

“Exclusive? Yeah, but exclusively what?” She paused. “An old friend used to say she was exclusively nothing with people, but I can’t say there’s nothing between us.”

“Well, we could just admit that we’re romantically involved,” I said with a slight smirk, choosing the most direct path.

She stumbled over her words, garbling up a bit of nonsense before connecting the dots on a rational thought.

Her complexion was the color of a strawberry, which created a beautiful juxtaposition against her caramel hair.

“I mean, I guess if you have those kinds of feelings for me, that would be the easiest answer,” she said, feigning innocence.

“I’m sorry if I haven’t made it more clear… I wasn’t sure what you wanted. After the media, and Tony, and everything else, I figured keeping my feelings to myself was safer. But it isn’t fair to put this decision on you anymore.”

I took a breath.

“Kiia…I’m falling in love with you. And if you feel anything close to that…will you be my lover?”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, wrapping her arm through mine. “That sounds really nice.”

As we made it to the performer’s exit, two security guards opened the door for us, leading to a straight, forty-foot path to our tour bus. We knew there would still be fans lurking, and we shouldn’t have kept our arms locked during the short walk, but all of those worries melted away. I couldn’t speak for her, but this was the first time I had been able to trust someone wholly in years.

***

The short bus ride back to the hotel was filled with awkward silence as the band tried to piece together what occurred tonight. In a room of people she trusted, Kiia was at her most unguarded, sitting in my lap with my arms around her with her face buried in my shoulder trying to take the shortest nap of her life.

For Nate, it was obvious. I could only imagine the conversation those two had after the fiasco with Tony. She was either a complete tsundere or spilled her soul to him. Either way, the faint smiles every time his gaze strayed over to us told me that he knew this was her desired endgame.

I saw people with cameras on our walk, so I knew that social media was going to be buzzing with the inside scoop on our relationship. Realistically, all of the early rumors about us back on NYE did make sense. I’d caught feelings the night we met, but that was when it was obvious that there was more than just the professional trust between us.

Arriving at the hotel, there was no one waiting for us; a testament to the Twilight Reverie management team keeping our logistics and bookings schedule quiet. Kiia stirred in my arms, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek before going ahead of everyone but the tour manager.

“What shifted so quickly between you two?” Hank asked, walking behind me.

“We just decided to be honest with ourselves after the set,” I answered, not wanting to explain more.

“Well, the guys from Beyond the Realms certainly forced the issue a bit before the show,” Nate cut in. “I’m surprised after Tony’s warning, she rushed straight into this.”

There was tension in his voice. Even though he was happy for her, he was impacted by Tony’s words.

“We didn’t know each other back then, Nate, but I can assure you that I’m a different person now,” my tone was stern.

“I want to believe you, but it’s not like your reputation doesn’t match the facts.”

“Yeah, but how many rumors have you heard about me since the Tara incident?” I pushed, aggravated.

“Well, there haven’t been any new ones, just women you cheated on or with before the incident,” he said, piecing my point together.

“I’ve been alone since that incident, Nate,” my words sat heavy as I walked ahead of them to catch up to Kiia.

“Wait, Cy, what do you mean alone?” He called out, chasing me into the lobby.

“Exactly what it sounds like, I had no one. I was a solo artist with an ever changing backing band, roadies, and tour managers. I spent ten months on the road for two years. I didn’t have anyone,” I lost control. I didn’t realize I was crying in the hotel lobby.

I was lucky, the tour manager, Kiia, and Hank had gone ahead to the rooms. Nate was the only one who witnessed my meltdown.

“I didn’t realize…” he was less brazen.

“No one did. Everyone saw the album sales, the sold out stadiums, the press tour, and the money. It’s easy to think I wish I was him, but no one thinks about what that success cost. You, a musician, know that touring is miserable. When you aren’t on stage, the only break from the boredom and the intrusive thoughts is your companions…so picture living on the road without any support system–” I stopped myself.

The thimble full of people in the lobby were uncomfortably staring, waiting for either a full meltdown or a fist fight.

“I’m sorry, Cy,” he said, walking toward the elevator. “I didn’t know.”

I followed him quietly up to the floor our rooms were on.

During the brief elevator ride, I checked my phone. I had too many notifications to even process, but I fixated on the one unread text from Kiia.

Kiia

If you forgot, I’m in room 405. It’s a bit irresponsible, but the door is ajar if you want to come in.

I didn’t know what I was feeling as I read her text. There was zero chance that I wasn’t going to spend the night with her; I wasn’t going to sleep after talking to Nate. It was a terrible habit I’d developed, relying on her to find my equilibrium.