Wondering

There were two things that weighed on my heart nowadays.

One was the fact that I haven’t been able to see Rachel as of late. It was that there was no opportunity to do so, but because I didn’t know how to ask her out– No, I didn’t know where I should invite her to or what I should invite her to do.

“I miss her...” I voiced out without realizing as I rolled over to the other side.

Another thing that had been weighing on my mind was what she said back then. We were talking about her performance in Rune Hunters after the episode ended, as always. The problem was the message I left for her after giving my opinion on the show, in which I asked if we’d slept together or not. At first, she didn’t reply to that message since that wasn’t the only message I sent to her, but then she answered it.

“No, we didn’t.”

Followed by a reason for her refusal that was so obvious, I knew she didn’t want me to be hurt by her rejection.

I understood why she refused me, though. I was being overly familiar with her. Besides, I couldn’t understand why I’d requested to sleep with her all of a sudden either. Perhaps it was a desire deep within my heart that I didn’t know existed, only revealed when I was intoxicated. And now that I knew it existed, I wanted to turn that desire into a reality.

Rachel and I, lying on the same bed, facing towards each other. How close should we be for her to be comfortable? For me, I wanted us to be so close that I could feel her breath tickling my skin as we stared into each other’s eyes, her hand caressing my hair, and she wished me a goodnight with a soft yet clear whisper that would melt my ear. That would be nice.

For that to happen, I had to get closer to her as a person. But how did one get closer to one another? Kayle and I definitely got along well, but I had no idea how it happened. One day, I got to know her, and before I knew it, we were best friends. So, to find out, I got up, pulled my phone out of the charger and went to the internet for help as I threw myself back into bed. I didn’t want to ask Kayle because asking my friend how we became friends would be awkward for both of us.

‘How to get closer to someone?’ I typed and pressed search.

After the page loaded, there were countless links to guides on the topic I was looking for. I picked the third link because it felt the most reliable somehow.

After reading all the tips in the article, I realized that in order to get closer to Rachel, all I had to do was spend time with her and talk to her, which was something I wanted to do in the first place. And so I changed my approach and looked for a place I could ask her out to.

The first place that came to mind was the Burger Queen. We’d promised to go there the other day, but I wasn’t sure if she was saying that out of pleasantries to keep the conversation flowing or not.

Besides, I didn’t think it would be a good idea since all we would do when we got there would be eating our meals; I wasn’t good at talking, so it would be boring if I invited her there without preparing a topic to talk about. And so I decided to cut it out of the list; maybe I could bring it up when we were already out and were trying to find somewhere to eat.

The second place that came to mind was... nothing.

It was a bit of a shame to admit this, but I didn't know much about Rachel personally. I might know all about her as an actress, but as a person called Rachel? I had no idea. All that I knew about her was that she liked Zero Lemon, had pet fishes, and knew how to cook. I didn’t know what she did in her free time or how she would spend her day... She told me that we were friends, but I didn’t know such basic information about her, like this? What kind of friend was I?

Realizing how little I knew about her, I added that as another reason for me to get along with her, fueling my resolve to grow closer to her, and so I searched for a good place to hang out or a fun activity to do with her.

There were many suggestions in the article I was reading. Picnic, movie theater, hiking, and many more, so let's start off by cutting out any activity that wouldn’t work for us.

Firstly, I didn’t want to do something physical since... well... I was pretty unathletic, so hiking was a no.

Secondly, something like a picnic or watching a movie seemed boring; not that I would be bored being with Rachel, I was worried that she would be bored. Picnic was sitting around and eating, not better than going to a Burger Queen. And watching movies would be boring for her since Rachel had probably seen so many as she was an actress.

As I was doing the research, I was interrupted by a message appearing at the upper side of my phone screen.

“Are you free this weekend?”

It was a message from Kayle. Before I could reply, another message was sent.

“Wanna go afternoon tea sightseeing tour bus?”

What a mouthful event. I asked her to clarify, and basically, it was a sightseeing bus tour that served afternoon tea and desserts. This particular tour was themed around Halloween since it was already late October and was supposed to tour around the iconic landmarks of London, like Big Ben or Tower Bridge.

‘Sounds fun,’ I thought to myself, and an idea struck me.

“Can Rachel come along?”

I was looking for where to spend time with Rachel, and Kayle presented me with it, so I should take advantage of that.

Perhaps I was thinking too much about where to invite her. Because even a simple invitation from Kayle was enough to get me interested, then it should be the same for Rachel.

There was a noticeable pause in Kayle’s reply. She was probably doing something while typing a message.

“Are you sure?”

“I think she wouldn’t mind. Let me go ask her right now.”

I then switched my chat to Rachel.

“Kayle and I are going on a bus tour. Do you want to come with us?”

And I waited for her reply.

“Kayle?” Rachel asked.

“My friend,” I clarified. “We’re going on this bus tour where they serve afternoon tea while driving around London.”

I sent Rachel the website for more information, like the route of the tour and the food available on the vehicle. She took some time to read it, and so I waited for her answer.

“Sounds fun. I’m in.”

A smile appeared on my face, and I sent Rachel a thumbs-up sticker and relayed her agreement to Kayle.

“She said she’s in!”

“That wasn’t what I meant, but whatever.” Kayle wrote. I didn’t get what she was trying to say, but she moved on.

After that, we planned out the meeting place and what time we should meet up. Planning this out with them was already enough for me to get excited. I was sure that this trip would be a fun one. I couldn’t wait.