Motive for Charity

Carolyn didn't know how she returned to her room after leaving the church. She remembered leaving Benedict's office and showing a weak smile to Derrick and Lety, but the trip from the slums to the Wild Boar Inn was a blur. However, there was a memory that remained firm in her thoughts.

"Ms. Carol, these children are not like you. Stop projecting your fears onto them."

When she first heard those words, she could only instinctively realise what they meant, but after taking time to think about it, the answer was clear.

"Was I really thinking of them like that?"

As she lay on her bed and looked at the old wooden ceiling, Carolyn questioned herself. In both Riddly Village and Noral Village, she had spent much time looking after the children there. In Riddly Village, Carolyn didn't have any special attachment to the children. However, after fleeing with her life and encountering Atla and the children of Noral Village, the desire to protect them, to ensure that they could live happily, sprouted inside of her. Carolyn believed that it was this desire that made her want to aid the children of the slums as well, but Benedict's words revealed a darker possibility.

Besides their environment, there was one aspect of the slums' children that made them different from the Noral Village children and more similar to Carolyn. None of them had parents to rely on.

Carolyn didn't think that was her sole motivation, but it did make it easier to empathise with them. To some extent, it was possible; no, it was certain that she saw herself in them. That was why she wanted to make them happy. She wanted to prove that they could smile from the bottom of their hearts, even without their parents, so maybe she could too.

"Kanna was right. It's all just self-satisfaction."

When Carolyn offered money to Kanna after hearing of her struggles, the young woman had chided her for her thoughtless charity. Carolyn thought she had learnt from that time to think about the other person's needs rather than what she wanted to do for them, but now she saw that she was still the same. She wanted the children to be happy, but was it truly for their sakes?

Carolyn tried to come to a conclusion, but her thoughts were disturbed by sudden cravings. She knew that this was the first sign of withdrawal symptoms, so she languidly got out of bed and searched for the packet that Benedict gave her. As she struggled to find the packet, there was a knock on her door.

"Carol, are you up?"

"Ms. Lavender?"

"Good, you sound better. I'm coming in."

While Carolyn watched the door in confusion, Lavender opened it and entered with a tea tray, which she rested on Carolyn's desk. Even after Lavender entered the room, Carolyn's confusion only grew.

"I thought you might start feeling the withdrawal symptoms of that nasty drug. How are you?"

"You're right about the withdrawal symptoms. Thank you."

"Don't worry about it. As punishment for putting you two to work last night, Marg wants me to take care of you both for the next week."

"Oh, that explains the apron."

Over the outfit that Lavender had on when they went to meet Benedict, was a short pink apron with the word 'Love' and a simplistic heart on it. Carolyn had seen similar designs when she went shopping with Kanna, but it was still surprising to see Lavender wear it. She didn't look bad with it on, but it made Carolyn see her in a new light.

"That's right. Oh, but this sight is just for you. If I wear this when I see that kid, he would just end up making me angry."

"Miss Margaret also mentioned him. Is the boy you two are referring to the one that lives in the room on the left at the end of this corridor?"

"Ah, I guess you wouldn't have been introduced to him before. Still, you two have met each other."

"Well, I have spotted someone watching me from that room, but I'm not sure if I would describe that as us meeting each other."

"No, not that. Wasn't there a kid who told you where to find Henry?"

"It was that child?!"

"Yes. I can't really go into details, but I had him on the lookout for Henry. Unfortunately, since I was busy protecting the inn, he went to find you instead. I was honestly surprised that he did that. Usually, he wouldn't go farther than the front desk."

"I see. Is there something stopping him from going outside?"

"Hmm, it's complicated. You should hear it from his mouth. He probably has a good impression of you by now, so when you're ready, I'll bring you to his room, and you can ask."

"No, if he has circumstances, I wouldn't want to force him."

"Okay. Sit down and have a cup. I don't like copying that evil Priest, but it seems it would be easier to take these packets once mixed in something."

"Thanks."

Carolyn sat down on her bed and accepted a teacup and saucer from Lavender. The cool ceramic texture made her subconsciously straighten her posture and recall the etiquette lessons of her mother. As Lavender looked at her in slight surprise, Carolyn drank the black tea. Her tongue perceived the original flavour of the tea along with sugar and a slightly bitter aftertaste.

"How is it?" Lavender asked.

"It's good. You're proficient at brewing tea."

"Well, it is one of my few hobbies. Do you feel any better?"

"Yes. I was feeling strange cravings before you came, but now they're not as troubling."

"That's good to hear. If it wasn't effective, I would have had to throw that rotten Priest into the same jail cell as the drug dealer."

Carolyn chuckled before finishing the tea and returning the teacup and saucer to Lavender.

"Thank you again."

"Don't let it bother you. Do you want me to bring something light for you to eat?"

"No, I think I'll just rest until dinner."

"Okay."

As Lavender prepared to leave the room, Carolyn remembered something and stopped her.

"Wait, about the dress you lent me—"

"Oh, that. You can keep it. Treat it as a souvenir of our first collaboration."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Sweet dreams now."

Before Carolyn could raise further complaints, Lavender left the room and closed the door. In truth, there was one other thing she wanted to ask her, but it didn't seem like the right mood for it.

"'The lonely path'. I hope it doesn't mean what I think."

Inside her room, Carolyn laid on her bed and tried to get some rest. She hadn't come to terms with how she had been viewing the children, and she had to start considering moving out of the inn, but for the time being, sleep called for her.

While Carolyn stayed inside to recover, news spread about Anthony, the evil drug dealer and arsonist. Even those who hadn't noticed the rise of drug addicts inside the slums soon learnt about this great villain who once destroyed a city with his sinful concoctions and plotted to do the same to Vernum City. The specific acts that he committed were dramatised, but one thing that was kept constant in the stories was the fact that he had been imprisoned in the royal capital yet somehow managed to escape and make it to the Amber domain.

When she discovered this news, Lavender quickly realised the aim of it and suspected a certain man of the cloth of playing a role in this scheme. If things went well, then there was a chance of the domain making a major recovery, but even then she wouldn't want to express any gratitude to him.

Once Sunday came, Carolyn prepared for work like usual. She was still suffering from a headache as a result of the withdrawal symptoms of Henry's, or rather Anthony's, drug, but her self-assessment was that she was over the worst of it, so she didn't want to call in sick, especially since she had left early the previous working day without any notice. Lavender, the inn family and Kanna all tried to stop her, but she insisted on going, so in exchange they made her promise to return if her condition worsened.

The inn family and Kanna didn't know the true nature of Carolyn's illness; Lavender told them that she got it from inhaling too much smoke from the fire that appeared in the slums district but didn't share more than that. Carolyn didn't want to worry them, at least not any more than she already had, so she agreed to follow Lavender's explanation. She had to vomit a few times and endure a ringing headache and fever, but thanks to Benedict's remedy, she could move well enough to take care of herself, though she accepted Lavender's help whenever it was offered.

The experience made her think of the slums' children and what they went through, but there was still doubt in her mind that her intentions were pure. To find some degree of closure, Carolyn planned to head to the slums district after work to see the children. She had no intention of reneging on her promise to Lety, but she didn't want to continue interacting with them with this uncertainty in her chest.