Chapter 18

The moment the thought passed through my mind, I froze. Mai’Ri, An’Ri... They weren’t stinkers. They were...my friends. I sighed. We had been defending our home, but still, our victory suddenly didn’t feel as glorious as it used to. Had the Major already seen that, and that’s why he was so pro this unity initiative? And did that mean I had been wrong? Yes and no, it was complicated…

I noted the marks of the armour and entered them into the database. It was a standard procedure, but for the first time, I found some relief in knowing that someone, somewhere, would know what had happened to their loved ones.

I tried to focus on my work after that, pushing the unwanted thoughts away. It worked until I found their remains, crushed under the collapsed roof. I couldn’t even tell who had hit them, us or them. I spent the rest of my time securing the parameter, grateful that my task ended here and someone else would recover them.

Once I was finished, I walked back to the compound, still feeling lightheaded after hours of immersion in Tau, but for the first time in a long while, I didn’t want to sit among the ruins. The rest of my team had grown used to my silence, but this time it wasn’t only I who was quiet. They knew what we had found.

I glanced at the parking. The Major wasn’t here, his battered Toyota was gone. As much as I wanted to know what he had found about An’Ri’s flower wish, I wasn’t ready to speak with him today.

Okoye offered me a cigarette, and I accepted it, even though I rarely smoked nowadays. We leaned against the wall, smoking in silence. Some of the team glanced at me, but this time, there was understanding in their eyes rather than the general friendliness I had seen before.

After that, I slowly walked home. Part of me wished to see Mai’RI and An’ri, but another part of me wanted to be alone. I guess I should find myself something to do when I got back.

A cold shower helped me clear my head, at least a bit, and I sank into the sofa. I should eat something, but I wasn’t hungry. I took my laptop from the table. Keeping myself busy was probably the best course of action.

I was still working when An’Ri slid the balcony door open and ran inside.

“Fu’Ri!”

I got up and walked over to her, and she put her forehead against mine and then hugged me.

“Touching you with my arms is nice!”

She smiled.

“You want to come and eat with us?”

I sighed. Part of me wanted to be alone, but… I wondered if this was another of their customs. If it continued like this, I would need to find a way to contribute. I couldn’t imagine that their food allocation was big enough to support another person.

I hesitated for a moment, but she took my hand and pulled me towards the door.

“Come! Mai’Ri cooked pila, you will like it!”

I sighed and followed her to their flat.

Mai’Ri smiled when I entered and gave me her weird greeting, a forehead touch plus a hug. I guess she also tried to adopt some of our ways, but it felt weird, even if I appreciated her effort. She was too stiff and leaned in too much. Was it the same for her when I greeted them?

She looked at me, concerned.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just tired”

I didn’t think she believed me, but she didn’t ask any further. We sat down on the floor, and she rested her head on my shoulder. Another weird thing of theirs. To comfort someone, you sought comfort in them so they could take their mind off their worries. It was weird. No matter how much I read about it, it didn’t make any sense, but part of me enjoyed the forced closeness.

“Are you hungry?”

“Not really… You shouldn’t wait for me, eat if you want”

An’Ri looked at me, then shook her head, and rested her head on my lap. Her ears felt soft and fluffy, so maybe their way worked in some weird way. It made me happy to see how she enjoyed the attention.

“She likes you a lot”

Mai’Ri smiled. I smiled back, and my mind drifted to last night and her small body huddled against me. Did she really like me that much, or did she simply try to bring back what she knew from the other side? Family was important to them, after all. I blinked. Family… Was that how she saw me…? As weird as it was, it made sense. But what about her? I glanced at Mai’Ri, but like so often, I couldn’t read her expression.

“We could watch something!”

An’Ri looked at us.

“Let’s eat first”

I nodded to Mai’Ri’s suggestion, and she brought a large ceramic pot and bowls and placed them in front of us.

“It is still warm”

She looked at me with a smile, and our eyes met. What was I to her? And what was I really thinking about them?

After the meal, we shared tea and then went to my flat, as An’Ri insisted we’d watch it there. I didn’t really mind it. The sofa was more comfortable than the floor, and the forced closeness was welcome. Yeah, what were they to me? Friends…? I didn’t know. It felt different from my mates in my squad, and that had been my only reference point so far for any social interactions worth remembering.

I found the movie she wanted to watch and put it on the screen. School of Tomorrow. All the latest stuff had titles like that. I guess it happened when someone who had worked on war propaganda for years switched to making entertainment and movies, or, actually, as I found out, a TV series. A group of kids, us and them, like in all these new productions, who decided to rebuild their school as their parents were busy rebuilding an industrial power plant that would supply the whole district with power.

I didn’t see the point of it. Online education had worked well so far and had been more efficient. Who, in their right mind, would want to be stuck in school? I remember running from it whenever I could, and only the free lunch would sometimes force me back, but only if I couldn’t find food anywhere else.