Wish Seeker

“That is a curious thing to say.” Aya pressed her arms on the table enjoying what Yumi had going on now. She had never known the woman to take on such a controlling position with confidence. There had been times that she tried and it worked out well enough, amusingly that she let her go do her thing. It worked out. But it was different this time. Aya found herself watching closely to everything that she did, more curious by the passing minute.

Nothing about this was what she expected.

Chapter 552 - Wish Seeker

A few more moves played between them in silence while Yumi measured her pace. It felt like rushing things to dive straight into everything. There was a method that had to be adhered to and the timing right for her plan. Not all the pieces were in the right place. “You’ve never had anyone challenge you like this before. You’ve made it difficult for anyone to get close to you. It’s always tests with you.”

“It’s a lonely world to rule.”

“Yes, but you weren’t always interested in that. Before the tragedy you just enjoyed looking for someone that could put up an effort to meet you. Though, no one ever met your high standards.”

“Childhoods aren’t your future. Look at yourself, you were a remarkable child, but without drive or purpose. Until I came, you had no fire and now look at you.”

Playing another piece, she agreed with Aya, though not for the reasons that she believed. “My life was in a holding pattern. But you were looking for revenge, everything you did was bring down those that killed your family. Yet once you did that, things didn’t end there. You just went on to conquer all of Japan and what will you do now? Defeat me, then what? What’s your end goal?”

Aya countered the play as their end game stalemate continued on the board. “You look like you have an answer.” She didn’t provide Yumi with a response like she might have wanted. For now, this was Yumi’s stage.

“Because you don’t have an answer to the question,” she answered with her next move on the board. “I don’t think you had intended to conquer, but you decided when you realized the revenge didn’t solve anything for you. You just kept looking and conquering was the easiest answer you could find.”

“What do you think I’m looking for then?”

“Something that you can’t admit to yourself. Something that you won’t say aloud.” They played out a quick few moves on the board as the pieces narrowed a little, but the same stalemate continued. Aya’s normal pressure did nothing to change the game. Yumi could respond to everything that she attacked with keeping things tied.

It started to become unclear when a move that would decide everything would happen. Each time either made an attempt at a strong play, the other countered it. The game remained equal with no clear signs of a victor, both in piece count and position. It could easily turn into an hour long game and still find no victor. Such feats would be new for Aya, who never found anyone to push her to such a length.

Yumi paused from the game to settle into her seat. She already knew this was going to be a long game. Everything remained on schedule for her. If anything, it felt like it was moving a little too easy. But she knew Aya very well at this point. When someone grabbed her attention, she wanted to see everything. And Yumi had done more than anyone to completely enrapture Aya.

The look that Aya had for Yumi might have bordered on attraction, it was a little unclear to Yumi. As much as what Yumi showed Aya was new and foreign, the reactions that she received from the woman became increasingly foreign as well. Even planned, it was new and strange territory for someone that everyone feared.

“You believe that no one’s figured you out. That you’re too mysterious and above everyone. You got everyone off balance that no one understands what you’re thinking. And I can admit for a while I was in that camp with everyone else.

“You’re a strange woman to be sure. I’ve never met anyone with such command over others. You have this clarity and understanding that’s unrivaled. You command with ease and everyone follows. Either because they fear you or believe you, exactly how you want.”

She stretched out her finger to a captured piece that rested at the side of the board. The wood block rolled around her fingers as she looked back over at Aya with her words being carefully managed. “I said before that I knew, but it was something that I wished for as well.”

Pausing, she grabbed the piece tightly in her hand. “Age grants many things, it’s like time. There’s a finite amount of it, but the more that passes clarity and understanding come, if you look for it. As a child, I didn’t know what I wanted. I thought I did, but like we’ve agreed things change from time as a child to an adult.

“I’m here because of my wish and one that I didn’t know myself. We’re quite alike in that respect. We both wanted something that we’re not able to see ourselves. Though I’ve taken my time to learn about myself. Something that I can thank you for doing for me, in part at least.

“But if I’m being honest, it’s something that I’ve wished for twice.” She opened her hand revealing two pieces in her hand and placed them back on the table before continuing the game of shogi. Even for Aya it seemed that the game was more than an afterthought for something more interesting.

Aya leaned back taking in the slowly unfolding theory. Little had been unveiled yet, she could see that Yumi was being deliberate about how she was pacing the conversation. However, she already had attention and couldn’t turn away now. “Wishes are just dreams of a child, you create your own destiny.”

“But even now you still have a wish. I know what it is.”

“So you’ve claimed.”

“It took me a while to see it. I had thought you were just consumed with revenge and were just unsatisfied with how things turned out when you killed the Hirohata Clan, but that wasn’t it. I realized watching you and looking at myself it was actually something more simple, child-like as you said.” She clicked another piece down forcing the game deep into the planned end game. There was no longer any turning back. Everything had been planned, she just had to execute it.

A slightly more aggressive click by Aya signaled that it was time to advance. “You’re lonely. It’s like you said ruling is lonely, but it’s more than just that. You aren’t looking for a friend or a lover. You’re looking for someone that’s your equal. Your entire life you’ve been alone. No one’s been able to match you in anything that you do.

“Having friends is not the same thing when you look down over everyone and they fear you. Your tests are you searching. Your curiosity is you hoping you finally found the one and your killing is disappointment that they failed to live up to your standards. You’ve never had anyone actually make you work for what you want. You could always see the solution and no one could counter you. You’re a genius that’s alone.

“Revenge gave peace to your emotions that raged, but it did nothing to silence that which remained unsatisfied. So you just kept going, fighting, hoping, wishing that you would discover your counter out there. You’ll take on the whole world if it meant that one person that rose up to challenge you made you work and made you feel like you weren’t the only one in the world.

“You’re surrounded by so many people, but you're the loneliest and most scared person in the room because you’re afraid that there’s no one out there for you.” Yumi laid her first card on the table and moved her piece on the board. A strong move that left Aya paused for the first time.

There was no immediate reply. A denial out right would have been easily seen as obvious for what it was. It cornered Aya in a way that she had never been before. Part of her presence chipped away. It hit harder than she expected to hear that from Yumi.

It was an unusual state to be in for Aya not having a response. Controlling the room and conversation, knowing all the answers was exactly her thing, yet Yumi found the one thing that had no prepared answer. She could only watch calculating and formulating as she continued into an almost frustratingly endless game of shogi.

Eventually, after a long silence, Aya replied, “You speak as though you’re familiar.” A non-committal answer was all that she could manage at the moment. Anymore felt like giving up ground that she didn’t want.

Nodding back to her, she kept their game moving with no end in sight. “You’re similar to someone else I met. Though, they had a death-wish, something that you lack. But you were both looking for someone. That it took me so long to see it in you is a credit to how well you hid it as well as how intimidating you are. But it was when I looked at myself that I figured it out.”

“Your wish.”

“Correct. You had something that I wanted. I envied what you had. Everyone followed you, you could just step into a room and everyone listened to you. It didn’t matter that you were a woman, everyone listened because you demanded attention. You could command armies and bring down warlords so effortlessly. I wanted that I realized, because no one took me seriously.

“Sure, those close to me listened and heard me, but I wasn’t the one actually leading the conversation. I wasn’t adding in a meaningful way to change things. I was at the table, but I was alone. I just followed and when I looked at myself, I hated that. I don’t want to follow, I want to stand side by side, I want to take charge and I want the rest to feel completely confident that we’ll win because they believe in me.

“And you had that. Yet as I watched you to see what you had that I lacked I realized what you had. I could see what you were doing. You had everything, but it just made you alone.” Yumi lifted up the piece and clicked down the board echoing through the chamber. “And that’s why you lost to me today. I’m not alone. I found friends and a lover. They trust me and are equals to me in different ways. We can walk together.”

A furrowed brow wrinkled Aya’s face seeing Yumi play her next card. She responded with a sharp click of her move. Emotions bled more into Aya’s moves even as they remained tightly honed on defeating Yumi. “Equals...it’s a lie. There’s no such thing in this world. There will always be someone better and someone weaker. You make a bold claim, but what are you trying to prove? You want to win and defeat me, just like me. Someone will come out victorious today.

“Even if you’re correct that I’ve been looking for someone that’s my equal, it’ll never happen. Like you said, I’ve lived for almost forty years and yet to find anyone that I can call an equal. I will sooner die than find what you say I’m looking for because there is always a winner and loser. I would never be satisfied. War will continue.”

“I think you’re being a little narrow in your definition of equal, but let’s put that aside for the moment.” Yumi snapped her piece down as the never ending shogi game pushed forward to the final moves. She could finally see the end of the plan in sight. It was strange having such a clear view unlike the last two times. Though she did have years to think about it unlike the others. “You’ve got a binary world view. But I’m here to shatter that and prove you wrong.”

“I’ve lived in this world. I know it better than you do. There are only winners and losers and the winners remain alone. Rule is a solitary life, there’s no escaping that fact.”

“You need a partner and with your standards, they can only be your equal. Because if they were better or worse than you, it would only justify your world view and make you lonely. So I’m going to become your equal!” Yumi snapped down the last piece that she had to play. The game had finally ended exactly as she wanted.

Aya stared down at the board directly for the first time in hours of their playing. She was playing the game mostly in her head up until that point while talking with Yumi, but her mind saw what happened and what she missed. The board had to confirm that she didn’t imagine it. She could see the next move and the move that Yumi would make. Her genius could see all the moves that would happen.

The same conclusion was reached. She leaned back putting her hands in her lap.

Yumi achieved a draw.

A draw. Any move they made, the right move would just put them in an endless loop that couldn’t be broken without a cascading defeat. Yumi had trapped her into an inescapable maze.

She had found a way to not win or lose.

Aya looked up at Yumi who now stood up from the table. “All this time you were never trying to win.”

Yumi extended her hand out to Aya. “That would only prove you right. I’m not a genius like you, but I can still stand next to you. Like you said, ruling’s pretty lonely. Wouldn’t it be better to share it?”

A bit of hesitation still rested inside Aya, but she stood up and took Yumi’s hand after a few moments. “I admit defeat.”

“No, Aya, not defeat. You’re just wrong, nothing more.”

“Stubborn.”

“Equals.”

“Equals.” The two women smiled at each other with the end finally reached. Yumi closed her eyes briefly as the world began to fade away confirming the completion of the objective.

She and her friends were reunited back in the void that they briefly visited before and now for the final time. Yumi stepped forward awaiting for the appearance of the one that seemed to judge over her trials. “I finished all of your tests. So let’s end this and return us. My mind is my own.”

“You’ve been working under a misunderstanding,” replied the familiar voice as they appeared before Yumi. “Your final test is still to come and it will be nothing like what you’ve confronted. Your chance to fail is higher than any of the previous tests. For you still don’t know your mind fully like you believe.”