| It's your turn

“Huh?”

“If there’s anything we can both agree on, it’s that your father was honest to a fault.”

“And he was extremely loyal.So, quit while you’re at it. I’m losing my patience rather quickly.”

“You’re right. He was loyal. Which was why it came as a surprise. It was an open secret that the lady in question indulged in office affairs. As much as he turned her down, it made the chase more intoxicating, I assume. But here’s the important part. He was faced with either bruising her ego and ultimately making an enemy of her or being one of her many accomplices. Well, he chose the latter.” the longer she went on, the more you could see her smile gradually fade.

As her daughter’s gaze rested firmly on hers, she recalled these memories with a tinge of sorrow in her voice.

“.…..”

“All his words, of course. You’re probably wondering, why did he confess?”

“Because he felt helpless in that scenario….”

“In hindsight, both of those options had the same outcome.Should have rejected her advances at least. When his boss found out, he didn’t react instantly. Rather, he was busy tracing the trails of this crime scene down to the very first accomplice. Reo found out she died shortly after due to a heart attack. Perfect timing, don’t you think? Your father thought he was next, so he awaited punishment like an animal at a slaughter house. The means under the punisher’s discretion.”

“.…”

“Such a thing was never going to end well. If you were one to scoff at the word ‘power’, you were bound to be a believer.”

"'Assuming this is the truth, why didn’t he tell me? Did he think I was going to judge him the same way you did?"

“Who knows? In essence, that was his great sin.”

“Was it a sin that he told you the truth?? A reality that exposed his hopelessness. What would you have done in his shoes?”

"Now that I think about it. Perhaps I would have blackmailed her instead. Mutual destruction has its reputation for a reason."

"Hah, like you would have been able to pull that off without any warning or plan.”

“While your father was prudent, I was quicker on my feet. Plus, he only told me after the fact. I had never heard a word about this woman beforehand.”

“Think.” she tapped the side of her head like it was a sign. “ He told you right after it happened precisely because it was unexpected.”

“What hurts your point is that it’s highly speculative.”

“Well, I know my Father well enough to understand his thought process.”

“What if he lied?”

“I know you don’t really think that. If he did, then what’s the point of this conversation? And you haven’t answered me.”

“As I said earlier, I wouldn’t have cheated at the very least.”

“With your track record, I beg to differ."

“I can't help but feel like your bias is showing."

“Given that he never laid his hands on me, it's hard not to.”

“Well..”

“She has a point.” jun coughed.

“Not you too.”

“Hey….If he kept you in the dark, do you think our family would have been safe?"

“It’s hard to say. I don’t believe in karma per se, but I do believe as destructive as things ended, we never lied to each other. Lies always had a way of unwrapping themselves in the worst ways.”

“I see.”

"Let’s move on to the second piece. At what point did we start hating each other?”

“Such a stupid thing to say. I might have hated you but Dad never did.”

“That might be what you think but I know he did."

"That's not true."

"You wouldn't understand."

"Oh, yes. I clearly couldn't get it. Like I wasn't the one there that was left to deal with the mess you made of him.Did you know? He never recovered from that. His last chance at love was a bust because of the scar you left here." she gripped her chest.

“I had someone I’ve known my entire life convince me that I wasn’t a failure. Who did he have? I tried my hardest but that man went to the grave still believing that. Love is an understatement. So don’t you dare say that again, you snake.”

“While I do understand…”

She paused, questioning how to slice her next words but that jumbled mess she had in her head was perfect the way it was.

“You weren’t that one that slept beside him every night. You cared for him, yes, but I was his wife. You were his daughter.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“You claim to know your father but you clearly don’t know him enough. Not in the way that I did.”

“….…….”

“And that’s not a bad thing. I didn’t know him fully either. But the parts I did know, you can’t paint a brush all over them and pretend they don’t exist.”

“.….You’re right. My apologies.”

Her eyes were wide open in shock. She wasn’t the only one caught off guard by that.

“Y-Yeah, so this..uh..ties to the first piece.”

“Straight. to. the. point.”

“It was the day we actually ran out of money in savings. This was well after that incident. The financial burden was too much for him. I worked at a salon at the time. I believe you were just six back then. I wonder if you remember."

“I vaguely remember the time I was stuck with you at the salon anytime I came back from school.”

“I was the manager so..”

“No wonder you barely did any work.”

“I’ll pick you up from school then after, we walked home. Do you remember that part too?”

*Tch*

“In any case, he felt the pressure. He needed his old job back. There was not a single part of me that felt the sentiment. It was an utterly foolish decision. He wasn’t dead but he was blacklisted. Groveling on his boss’ feet wasn’t going to change anything. 

At this point, he was rushing to leave but I stood at the door and insisted he calmed himself. I knew it was a waste of time, he probably did too.That was when it happened. He fell to his knees. For the first time, I saw my husband in tears.He kept asking for forgiveness. Saying I should say what I truly thought of him.”

“Did you?”

“I hesitated at first but eventually, the words slipped out. ‘You’re scum’. ‘Your stupidity has ruined this family’.’I want to hit you so bad’.”

“.…..”

“He was just as quiet as you. All he said was he would sort it and I should hit him as hard as I wanted. So I did. Again.. and again.. and again. When I felt my blows were too weak, I would hit the parts that were bound to swell. When I didn't see blood, I would use an object. I would hit him until my fists were hurting.”

“So in summary, the reason you became such a piece of shit was because my father cheated on you.”

“That’s a cruel thing to say. Yes, my heart was smashed to smithereens.It was a mixture of betrayal, suffering and not addressing what hurt the most. Like carrying on with a wound that hurt so much, you could die. As I cried my eyes out, all the love I had for him too, flowed out. I began to think perhaps it would have been easier not having you in the picture.”

“Haha, right?”

“I thought ‘why?? He made a fool out of you, yet you’re just there, a pitiful bystander and an easy victim. Is that what you are?’”

“Enough. What’s the third one?”

“Right. Why did I leave him the way I did?”

“Isn’t that a simple one? You being the devil you are, were tired of hitting a doll that wouldn’t respond. I know the reaction you wanted wasn’t anger. It was guilt. I remember the day you foolishly chose to come straight home after having an affair. At the time, I thought you were simply reckless but no. You wanted him to notice and feel the guilt of losing you due to his own actions. When that didn’t work, you took it a step further.”

“I guess you’re not wrong. I wanted him to feel my pain, every inch of it. Even if I screamed at the top of my lungs how hurt I felt, it wasn’t going to cut it.Neither was inflicting physical harm. But, all my suffering couldn’t be for nothing, right? I needed him to suffer too. After all, what did I ever do to suffer? I didn’t think you would be there with him that day.”

“What would you have done if you knew? Yano. I will be honest with you. I think you wouldn’t have changed had you known. I will give you your flowers. You were capable as hell and as much as I hated you, I loved how hardworking you were. You carried the financial burden like it was nothing. You barely cracked under pressure. A good role model but you were also an abuser.”

“I acknowledge that. Despite my pain, I did a lot of things poorly.I always claimed I was the victim and maybe I was up to a certain point. But the moment I dragged you into our game of cat and mouse, I had no right to claim that.”

*clap*

“Bravo. Such a wonderful retelling of a popular story I already know. You expected me to feel bad for you?”

“No. I just had to let you know my side of the story.”

“So that’s it??”

“No. Perhaps there is another piece. So I guess it’s really four. It’s your father’s suicide.”

“Stop.”

“You know, I was initially against it but I attended but you.. I didn't see you. Quite a number of people attended. For that many people to show up, it means he lived a good life.”

“Of course. He did a lot for the locals at the time.With you being that nosy, you must have seen the bookstore he made.”

“Maybe I did. More importantly, I’ll like to ask why you chose not to attend.”

“I just had no right to.”

“You were the one person he cherished the most in this world. Which ‘right’ do you speak of?”

“I’m sure Miyu already spilled so why pretend like you’re clueless. I’m the reason he’s dead. It’s my fault. All my fault.”

“Do you think your father was the type of person to think such things?”

“I know that already!! I know my father was filled with guilt every single day for what happened. Still,all I ever did was make it worse. You should know this. Guilt doesn’t appear from a vacuum. It takes a pattern of thoughts pointing to the obvious.”

“I’m surprised how you haven’t figured out the obvious.”

“And what pray tell might that be?”

“What you’re doing right now is much worse than just spitting in your father’s grave.”

“What did you just say?” she gripped the table, as though she was ready to throw it to the side.

“You’re using your father as a tool to aid your self destruction. You’re tired of blaming people that are no longer in your life, so what’s the next step? That is to blame yourself for everything and you’re already doing that. But it’s still not enough for you. You need someone else to put the blame on you. Be it me, your colleagues, loved ones or even your father. What’s worse, he is not able to correct these gross misconceptions. Maybe that’s the real reason you have a hard time facing him.”

“You really want to die now??”

“If I die just speaking the truth then so be it.”

“What do you know about the truth? You’re filthy.Rotten to the very core. When you touched me just now, I nearly puked. You might try to hide your true nature as much as possible but I know what you are. Hiding the scent of trash with perfume doesn’t erase the scent, it doesn’t even do a good job in overpowering it.”

“What if you took a shower, will the smell go away?”

“If only it was that convenient. Perhaps if you could be reborn, die and come back I mean, then maybe you could take a shower. Hell, as many as you would like. But that’s impossible. Before you open your mouth to speak about the truth, never forget that.”

“Calm yourself. It’s spiking up.” aiko whispered.

Aiko was mainly quiet through the entire exchange, her main task was to concentrate and monitor her aura level. Doing what needed to be done if it ever came to it. Yet this conversation reopened wounds from her own memories.

“How don’t you see it? It’s right in front of you.”

“You wear all your evil deeds as a badge of honor, don’t you feel any shame?”

“Your father…Your father never wished to blame you. All he wished to say, in his own way, was ‘I’m sorry.’”

“Listen!!”

“No, you’re the one that ought to listen. You’re the one running away from the truth. I would spend the rest of my life having you hate me if it means you stop hating yourself. Please, you need to love yourself more. That’s all he would have wanted.”

“No.”

“This web of hurt and pain is deep. Even decades after, it still hurts. Despite everything, you’re still my daughter, and I would rather die than pretend to not see it. Never again.”

“I should love myself, huh? What is there to love?”

“The Megumi I know read the room far better than anyone. Her ability to reflect on her experiences and move forward with a new perspective was something I wish I had. She never complained even when we were struggling and despite…despite everything I did, she still had it in her to love me. What is there to not love about a person like that?”

“.…”

“Looks like someone doesn’t receive any compliments.” she stirred her drink and smiled, the warmth in her heart was proof she really died and was reborn.

“I’m a bit curious. What happened after you left?”

“It’s a bit of a long story, dear.”

“So summarize it.”

“I left and thought I had everything figured out. How stupid of me to believe an innocent child was the reason for my misfortune.By the time I noticed the monster in the mirror, it was already too late. I just had a miscarriage and was abandoned. I was forced to move back to my parents’ place. I was lonely and hopeless. I too thought of ending things. At that crucial point, I remembered you and all the pain I caused you and your father.

That’s why, I can understand just a fraction of what your father was feeling. I wanted to die but I also wanted to live. That contradiction started to make more and more sense to me.”

“You..”

“For every wrong I made, I had to make a hundred rights. That was the only way I could live with myself. So I started from scratch. I wiped my tears, faced the mirror and first made that change. You didn’t need money to do a good deed in the world. I joined a volunteer group and helped those who suffered PTSD from the big calamity. 

Afterwards, I opened my cosmetic store and when the money came rushing, I worked at multiple orphanages. That’s where I actually met Jun. I could finally face the person in the mirror. So, in summary.You made the person you see right now.”

“Honestly, that's good to hear. I hate you but I’m kinda happy for you.”

“I see you’ve calmed down.”

*sigh*

“Talking to you is exhausting.”

“Likewise. I haven’t had such an intense conversation in a while.”

“Not even my editor gets to see that side of me.”

“When I started my cosmetics business, everyone around me became so agreeable to the point that it didn’t feel real. I never really experienced arguments like these. I guess I’m lucky.”

“Once again, you’re creeping me out. Don’t get the wrong idea. I will never forgive you and I will never forget the things you did to me and Dad.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers. By the way, got a kid?”

“Nope.”

“I figured.”

“Cheeky hag.”

“Did you get that from me or did I get that from you?”

“Who knows?”

“Haha. One more thing, Megumi. I never forgot. I want to say it properly. I’m sorry for everything.”

“It’s a bit too late.”

“Permit me to say another. Just one more.”

“Keep it.”

“This one, it’s something a parent should have said as often as good morning or welcome home. It’s something your coward of a mother couldn’t say.”

“Then don’t say it.”

“I love you, Megumi.”

“I…said.”

“If I never said it, you will never have known.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you leave?”

“.…”

“I did all that work to mould my life back into what it ought to be. I had to leave my heart out of the equation. We didn’t need to be happy. We just needed to survive. The both of us. But you still placed a curse on us. Why did you ruin our lives then leave us to pick up the pieces? Why weren’t you there when I lost everything again? Why did I lose everything again?

I hated the abuse more than anything but if that was required to keep our family standing, if it was first place I needed, I swear, I would have done it in a heartbeat. You fucking whore, you already cheated once so why didn’t you just continue doing that while married? Hell, you thought Dad didn’t know? You were the devil, but we still loved you. We needed you. Even if you stayed while hating our very existence, we still needed you, damn it!!!”

“Megumi..”

“And if you were dead set on leaving, why didn’t you come back. I wanted you back. Who doesn’t like an old fashioned redemption story. You were supposed to come crawling back, we would have accepted you in a heartbeat. Isn’t that what family’s for? I wanted you to meet my first boyfriend. I wanted you to watch my graduation.

Hahh, you couldn’t have seen that because I dropped out. I at least wanted you to be there when I won my first writer award. Got my first house. We were in pain too. Why couldn’t we be in pain together? I hate you so so much but you’re still my Mother. I could never really have another one. You and Dad were all I had so why did you have to leave me all alone?? Why?”

“I did. I saw all these things from afar. When I was invited to the funeral, I initially thought I had no right to attend but I wanted to see you after so long so I hid my shame and attended anyway but you weren’t there. Any self respecting adult would have passed it off as luck and moved on, but I didn’t.

I made the same mistake during your graduation, you weren’t there for obvious reasons. I retraced your steps back to your father’s home in Hakone. I spent many of my holidays there. Knowing fully well you had left. I also saw your father’s bookstore. I know you kept it alive somehow. So I supported in anyway I could. I also attended your first literary award. And I know you weren’t there to begin with due to ‘personal reasons’. Perhaps you were shy?”

She gave her a tight embrace.

“I’ve been watching. When I said you made the woman you see, I wasn’t lying. And when I said what’s there not to love about you, I wasn’t lying either.”

“I hate you. I hate you so goddamn much. But I…”

“I know.”

*Sniff sniff*

“I need to pee.” she pulled away, on the verge of tears.

“It’s on your right. You can’t miss it.” Jun uttered while pointing.

“Thank you.”

“You’re…welcome.”

In the toilet, she wiped her face, dozens of times, over and over. They don’t stop flowing. All the memories rushed in like she was looking at all the memories of her life before death. She gripped the wash hand basin with all the strength she had, her voice as suppressed as possible,she could no longer hold it. Her heart felt tingly. All the hate she could give, had no where to go, so it had to reside in her. But the faint pieces of love she had somewhere in her heart, began to bloom like a rose. She felt its presence and was rightfully upset.

Her mother was the devil, but even she could change. So was there a possibility, even a slight one to love her again. When she thought about it, even her father would have said yes, like it was a no brainer. Love and forgiveness were two separate things. You actively chose to forgive a person that wronged you but loving them? That was an entirely different feeling. Her heart felt like a sinking ship that began to float. But as it came to the surface, she felt something else. She felt utterly defeated.

“Seems like I need to check up on her.”

“Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. Give me a moment.”

“Please take this.”

“What’s this?”

“She’ll understand.”

As she slowly made her way to the restroom, she didn’t even bother knocking.

“I was thinking of a way to call for you.”

“What is it this time? I can see all the marks on your face, better clean it up before coming back out.”

“I don’t want to go back out.”

“Why?”

“I’m tired…Just kill me already.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“My entire life is always flipping, leaving me behind. All the time. My right, my wrong. I’m always the one chasing the truth. Every thought I have is a lie. Every perception I have is tainted. My whole life feels manipulated. If all this suffering was really meant to be, is it wrong to at least know why? Huh?” in the mirror was a little girl whose plea fell on deaf ears but regardless, her string of questions went far beneath the surface, they were not posed for the one beside her.

“I don’t know why people suffer, Megumi. As much as I want to say everything happens for a reason, I don’t really believe that. The cruel hand fate dealt you. I don’t think it happened all for this moment. That’s why I can say with certainty that you can still be happy.”

“Happy?”

“Call me ignorant but it’s just a feeling. I have a feeling you’ll experience this feeling.”

“That was funny. You came with me for one purpose, right? Did you forget that?”

“You aren’t making sense.”

“Use my pen to do it. I’ve seen your powers.”

“Is this what you truly want?”

“You calling me an idiot?”

“No. If it is, I’ll have to stop you.”

“Thank you.Huh?”

“A pen is used for writing, not for killing. I’ve got something for you.”

She handed the book, it was worn out, dark in color and looked more like a diary. Yet it was oddly familiar.

“Is that my…”

“See for yourself. Your Mum asked me to give it to you.”

“Did she?”

*Sniff*

“It reminds me of my diary. But mine was never this bland. I don’t even remember the designs I made on it. This handwriting….Dad.”

Her weary eyes lit up in splendor. Before she knew it, she was sucked in. Every page she flipped through felt sacred.

“So what’s in it?”

“I guess you could call it a diary. But it was purely made for the stories my Dad made. I guess this was the vault he stored those ideas in.”

“I see.”

“How selfish of me to hope to see my name here. But it’s fine, I don’t need that. The last page talks about an unfinished story. Apparently he was unsure whether it was suitable for kids, reading through it I don’t blame him. I think I know what to do.”

As she embraced her final moments, she didn’t let that bother her. Rather it served as fuel.

{ Happiness, something so sweet, so innocent, yet so destructive. I have tasted poison all my life, to the point where every other taste felt weird to my tongue. This glass-like happiness is too heavy for me to bear. But if it is an unfamiliar taste that I end up leaving with, then perhaps that wouldn’t be so bad. }

“Are you done already?”

“I told you, just a few tweaks here and there. You can turn a log of wood to a fine chair. Father, I’m sorry. This is the best I could do. I’ve been told my morals are questionable so I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing. Even if you do scold me, I know you’ll be proud of me. I know its short. I know it probably didn’t feel right to release. But I know you still wanted to. So let’s do that, Dad. Chie Ari will bring your work to light. Whether they love it or hate it, screw them. In my opinion, they’re for your eyes only.”

As she uttered these words, she began to slowly fade.

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Giving me that look when I was about to cry. You seee, I promised myself I would never cry in front of my Mother. And I left with that intact.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to.”

“Haha. I finally did it, Hansha.” The last expression she wore was a jaded smile, with dried tears on the corners of her face.Whether it was genuine joy or simply satisfaction, only she knew.

“Hahh, maybe he was Medusa.”

This was her very own happy ending.

“Rest in peace, Megumi.”

As the woman vanished, so did her smile. She too was tired. It was supposed to be fulfilling, but each time she arrived at this point, something was taken from her instead.

“I’m back.”

“Where is Megumi?”

“She’s gone…”

“Gone where?”

“Gone.”

“I see. She really is a handful.”

“Madam.”

“She couldn’t even say goodbye…”

“I don’t know if she counts but she said you should have this.” she handed over the book and the pen.

“Both belonged to her Dad. We made a few changes to the story here. You can either read the draft or wait for it to be officially released.”

She accepted them with a gentle embrace. Much like her daughter, the waterworks were out of her control.

“I don’t know how long we spent in there so feel free to check the perimeter once again. That’s assuming you have any doubts. I’ll be taking my leave now.”

“Wait.”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.”

She bowed her head and left. From outside she could hear heavy sobbing. Nothing could be done, though.

All this time, she had been on the phone with her partner who ended his own mission not too long ago but chose not to directly interfere when they arrived at the mansion. This made things easier, there was nothing to relay back as he got a first hand experience.

The mission was complete but one question lingered in her mind.

“Why do I always get praise for something so cruel?”