The Girl or the Flower?

Shino

Now back in that wonderful forest, I waited for Chigira to wake up. During that time, a faint hope that the clan may respond overtook my naive mind.

"Nothing..."

In the end, it was only normal for them to cut me off the second my identity had been disclosed. By now—just like I've done many times before—my brothers and sisters had probably erased my name from their memory.

"Useless!" I shouted, smashing my watch into a nearby rock. By the time I realized what I'd done, it was much too late. I quickly looked at the device, but the glass was broken, and the cracked watch had become nothing more than a tasteless accessory.

Resting my face in my palms, I felt like hitting myself. How could I do something like that? How could an assassin fall into despair? How could I let anger dictate my actions? I felt worthless and stupid for having fallen so low just because the mission wasn't going the way I hoped it would.

What's more, my childish behavior woke Chigira up. I didn't realize it until she reached for my hand, but when I felt her soft touch pulling my palm away from my face, I felt even more ashamed.

"Good morning..." she said, and it was only then that I noticed the pink sun rising over the horizon and the trees of the same color.

"Do you want breakfast? Or maybe a bath? Or maybe..."

I puffed loudly before she could finish her sentence. I'd told her many times what the meaning behind those words was. It was funny to see her get all flustered back then, but even after that, she didn't stop using this expression, and every time she used it, I would stop her before she could finish.

I pulled out a bag from behind me. It was a plastic bag filled with essentials I had brought from a nearby convenience store.

"Stay here. I've brought some water." 

As I looked around for the bottle of water, I felt Chigira getting all tense.

"Ah!" she shouted. "What about that guy?"

"He got away."

"And the mission?"

I found the bottle I was looking for and handed it to her.

"What about your mission? Why didn't you go after him?"

She repeated her question. I grabbed another bottle from the bag and took a couple of gulps, encouraging her to do the same.

"Chigira drank the water and started coughing. I knew she wasn't used to bottles yet, but that was exactly what I wanted to see. For some reason, her silliness felt right.

"Tell me! What about—"

I handed her a green mochi. I knew she liked those. She accepted it with a "thank you" and finally gave up on repeating the same question.

"He's hurt. We'll catch him another time," I assured Chigira—no, I assured myself, and we both sat down, gazing at the pink sunrise while eating our grass-flavored mochi.

By the time we were almost done with our breakfast, Chigira broke the silence.

"Don't you want to ask anything?" she said, looking at the ground beneath her feet instead of staring me in the eyes.

"Shouldn't you be the one to talk about it yourself?"

My question pot her off. I knew this because she looked at me with wide eyes. Her "tatemae" was really weak, after all. Or at least that's what I thought, but after a moment of weakness, she took on on a solemn smile, staring deep into my eyes.

"Shino... in your eyes, what am I?"

Her question got me confused. I had no idea what she meant with it, so I gave Chigira the first answer that came to mind.

"A girl with green hair?"

I didn't know if that was the right answer, but at least I made her laugh. When she calmed down, she looked at me again, the sun reflecting off of her bright smile.

"So... a girl? That's good then!" she said, looking contempt.

"Honestly, even if you said that I was a flower, I would have been happy. A simple flower, or even better, a simple girl. Do you really see me that way?"

I nodded, still confused at what she was trying to say.

"Being a normal girl who goes to school, or maybe works a simple job... A girl who hangs out with friends, or maybe with a cute boyfriend. A girl born into this world to live a life free of burden, to fall in love, to push through any hardship with a smile, and at the end of it all, to look back on her life satisfied. That sounds so nice!"

She had lost me completely, but at the very least, her eyes shone like never before.

"A flower isn't bad either... You grow from almost nothing, push through the harsh weather, and reflect the sun in beautiful colors for everyone else to admire..."

I wanted to ask why she wanted to be anything less than she already was, but I wasn't one to understand the intricacies of the human heart. All I knew about human behavior was cause and effect.

Maybe it was my work experience that pushed me to do it, but I placed my hand over hers.

"If it's fine with you, then you can be a girl, a flower, or both. I don't mind."

"And can you keep either safe?"

I nodded.

"I can keep both safe."

Chigira smiled and rested her head on my shoulder. In the end, I had little to no idea what our conversation had been about. I simply went with the flow, supporting my weight with my arms stretched behind so that she could better lean on me.

Whatever that was, it felt good. I felt warm inside, and it wasn't only because of the sun that shone on us.

I still had many questions about what had happened, about where her power come from, and about why she had only now used them to such an extent.

These questions still lingered in my mind, but...

*Snore*

But for now, I could wait. For now, her breathing was truly steady.

*****

?

Have you ever carved your name in a tree? 

I did, and now I'm waiting to see it grow.

My little girlish quirk.