Your Rack Is Awesome!

“… So she’s one of the five rulers of Jandariu, huh?” Eric said, looking up at Kimora. “Come to think of it, I could sense there was something about her—her energy is just too powerful.”

“Well, what now? What are we going to do?” Kanie whispered to him. “We have to get HER to fall for ME somehow, but I’ve got no idea where to even start with that!”

“Right, we’ve got to tread carefully here,” Eric said. “If we mess up, there’s no telling when—or if—we’ll get another chance.”

Um, so how do I put this? Kanie thought. It sort of feels like we’re playing some RPG game and just encountered a rare spawn event…

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Eric snapping his fingers.

“I got it,” he said to Kanie. “I think I found a way for you to make a strong first impression!”

Kanie looked dumbfounded at first, but his expression slowly turned into a trusting smile.

“Well, then let’s hear it, man,” he said. “I’m all ears.”

He crouched down so that Eric could whisper something into his ear. Upon hearing the proposition, he pulled away. A troubled look formed on his face.

“… Seriously!?” he said. “No way, man. Do I look suicidal to you?”

“Just do it,” Eric said. “Trust me on this.”

“You know, in any normal situation involving a girl, I might’ve trusted your judgment,” Kanie responded. “But this is a whole order of magnitude different than getting some random college chick to blush—world’s literally at stake here.”

Kimora glanced in their direction.

“Hm~? What are you two whispering about over there? Care to fill me in, because I am curious,” she said. The tone of her voice was regal, yet equal parts cute.

“Alright, fine. I’ll do it,” Kanie said to Eric. “Just don’t blame me for whatever happens next.”

He stepped up.

“U-um, Kimora,” he stammered.

She shifted her eyes toward him.

“Hm? What is it, Kanie Misawa?” she asked.

“Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but—”

He gulped.

“Y-your rack is awesome!” he blurted. “Those are some seriously amazing knockers!”

Following his comment was a long, awkward silence that pervaded Vorax Thicket.

Having recovered, Aurora and her teammates were flabbergasted. Their mouths hung wide open in shock.

“Wha—!?”

They took turns sputtering, tripping over their words.

A sound broke the silence—it was a ‘ding’ from the locket in Kanie’s pocket. He whipped it out and checked it. To his surprise, the progress meter in front of Kimora’s name and icon had moved from ‘0%’ to ‘1%.’

Hold on, he thought. … You’re telling me that actually worked!?

“Hahahaha! Oh, this is just hysterical!” Nyle laughed, choking on a blue raspberry slush drink. “Of all the people who could’ve ended up the heroes, I’m so glad it was you idiots!”

“Really?” Kimora asked. She gripped them in her hands and gave them a couple of light squeezes.

“You think they’re nice?”

Blood trickled out of Kanie’s right nostril. He wiped it off in a panic and nudged Eric.

“… Dude, what am I supposed to say next?” he asked.

Eric whispered something to him. He took a deep breath and made eye contact with Kimora.

“I-I do! I think you’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on!” he said, voice full of hesitation and awkwardness. “S-so, that’s why—”

“Let’s go on a date sometime!”

A fierce wind blew through the area. It was as though for a moment, time itself had stopped.

All of a sudden, the golden, heart-shaped locket, still resting in Kanie’s hand, emitted a loud beeping noise. He looked at its screen.

Kimora’s ‘love meter,’ as he decided to go ahead and dub it, had crept up considerably—it now read ‘7%.’ Below the meter, an eight-bit digital white emoji of a smirking smiley face throwing a fist bump appeared with a beep, along with the message, ‘You’re on fire!’

Kimora blinked in rapid succession. Her cheeks were a rosy pink.

“A-a date? Y-you mean one of those sacred appointments you humans make with each other!?”

“Oh, uh, yeah!” Kanie said. “Exactly! … One of those.”

His words made Kimora’s eyes light up with excitement.

“I’ve always wanted to try going on a date before! ” she said. “I’ve watched humans from afar for thousands of years, and they always seem to have so much fun on dates—laughing, and talking, and eating nice food, and oh, doing that other thing they seem to love so much called ‘sex.’”

She sighed and slumped her shoulders.

“… But between my duties, and, well, the fact that any human that I go near bursts into flames, it’s always been impossible!”

“But you—” she said. “Kanie Misawa, you’re the first human man I’ve met who seems unaffected by my presence. I’d certainly like to get to know you better~.”

… What’s this? Eric thought. Could it be that this mission might ACTUALLY go smoother than I thought it would?

“Erika and I are the heroes of Jandariu—the legendary swordsman and witch. Maybe that has something to do with why we don’t burst into fla—YEOWCH!”

Kanie’s words were cut short when he and Eric were burnt to a crisp. For some reason, Kimora had roasted them with a powerful burst of fiery dragon breath.

“Oo~h… Wrong move, Kanie,” Nyle smirked. “Shouldn’t have said that.”

A beep sounded from Kanie’s locket. He saw Kimora’s love meter drop all the way back down to ‘0%.’ A teasing eight-bit emoji appeared, followed by the line, ‘Way to go, Romeo.’