Going full drop bear for pizza time

I landed in the Eisenbog tower and was immediately rushed to a dressing room where I found that bitch spider waiting for me.

"Hey bitch, got a new suit for you since you'll be competing," Ri-chan sneered as she held up what looked to be a body sized plastic soda can holder.

"The hell I'm wearing that! It barely covers anything up!"

"Too bad bitch!"

...

My face went red with mortification as I walked out into the wrestling ring. Apparently, some asshole was hosting a wrestling tourney. If I won, the spider bitch said she'd let me beat the shit out of her. It appears that everyone competes in one big tourney regardless of gender or weight class. Well, all those martial arts I mastered will come in handy. And now, I might even get to beat up some assholes who gave me so much grief.

My first opponent, was the three masochist cheerleaders... Well if those masochist shits want pain, I'll give it to em in FULL!

From there on out, things were a blur, and when I came to, everyone was pulling me away from the three bleeding cheerleaders on the ground.

"Not cool girl. This is TV wrestling, not a death batlle," Rie-chan glared.

This fucking whore... EVERYTHING'S HER FAULT!

Once more, I yielded my consciousness to rage and swung a punch at her. I kept swinging, and swinging.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" a voice shouted.

Snapping back to reality, I was greeted by a bleeding Ri-chan along with the singing koala and the furball and his trio.

"Ore wa ketsu ga daisuki desu," the furball glared.

"He says we're taking you down, villain," the bodysuit pervert glared.

"Me the villain? I'm the one that just went through hell," I scoffed.

"Bitch please, you really tried to kill those three girls and Ri-chan. Like KILL kill. What the fuck? I mean, I know you freaked out about going bald, but it said in the contract this would be a demanding role," Shitty Sal sighed, breaking character at times.

"And?"

"I think you need a some beating," Ravio scowled as he ushered for the others to clear the ring.

Once it was just me and him, we decided to banter.

"Pizza, pasta, I'm turning you into sauce and sending you home in a box," I glared.

"That's a my line. "You ready to get funky!?" Ravio shouted as he suddenly charged at me at breakneck speed.

Before I knew it, everything was hurting.

"OHHHHHH! We're getting funky!" a hype man shouted as I was being thrown around like a rag doll.

I then fell to the ground as I began to lose consciousness.

"1! 2! 3! Knock- AAH!"

"No! I'm not done yet!" an enraged Ravio shouted as he threw the ref out.

He then jumped into a pizza box before reappearing outside the ring. Bells began ringing as he ran for me at breakneck speed and began pulverizing me in the air.

"TIME A FOR ROUND A 2 BITCH!" he shouted in fury as my bones began to powderize.

IRL FOR REAL, MY BONES WERE GETTING POWDERIZED! THE HELL KIND OF STEROIDS DID THEY FEED THIS FURBALL!?

"Crikey, mate! He's gone full drop bear on ya!" Dumbee smiled.

Suddenly, I was gunged in melted cheese and sauce as the freak drop bear flipped me into the air like a pizza. I landed with a splat on the ring floor and screamed in pain. EVERYTHING hurt.

"Oh no, you aren't done yet," Ravio snarled as he suddenly became buff and large.

Everything began to shake as a timer suddenly descended from the ceiling. Then the furball pulled out a shotgun.

"Oh no, this was just a for effects, this is war, ROUND 3!" Ravio yelled as he crushed the shotgun with his hands and whipped out a rocket launcher.

A ROCKET LAUNCHER!?

...

Ravio ignored Maddie's pleas of terror as he fired, blowing up the ring in a fiery ball of smoke.

He then faced the fireball and performed the Italian "Fuck you" salute as a fanfare played.

"You make me proud my son," Italian chef Pistachio Ragu applauded as he appeared next to Ravio and stared at the fireball.

*Maddie lost a shit ton of brain cells*

"Well guess the Yowie hunt's on hold," Dumbee laughed.

...

I glared through the bandages as I was pushed back into the ring in a wheelchair and full bodycast. Luckily that rocket launcher was just a prop. Unfortunately, that little were-koala's beatdown was real and all my bones were broken. It would take months to heal.

A few months later...

I was finally able to move again, but then it was right back to stupid.

"Well, bitch, sure lost a shit ton of brain cells. Now you only got 111 left. Die one more time with Dumbee, and it's erotica hell for you," Ri-chan glared.

I ignored her and got back into the arena. Despite it being months, my hair hadn't grown back. That damn Spider bitch was truly going to get it.

My opponent, was the French werewolf.

"NOW You will be taunted!" he laughed as he hopped in holding an inflatable guitar.

He then proceeded to smack me with it again and again. That damn squeaking made my head ache like crazy. I fell to the ground, and couldn't get up, but before the ref could finish the count...

"I forfeit," the werewolf snickered as he hopped out and ran away.

That asshole.

Once I was dragged out of the ring, Dumbee hopped in and fought Zollum. Well, more like playfully wrestled with each other. It honestly looked more like it was a scene straight out of yaoi fic. That damn spider bitch was drooling at the sight of it as body oil poured into the ring, oiling up Dumbee and Zollum. All while that shirtless elf flexed and sang his dumb song.

"I'm taking your precious to Isenbog bog bog b- b- bog bog."

I quickly averted my eyes. I did not want to lose any more brain cells.

It was eventually my turn again, but as I hopped into the ring, the spider bitch hopped in along with a yowie.

"Ello mate! Name's Blaine. I'm a yowie into yaoi," the yowie chuckled.

"Decided to make things easy for you. Just win this 2v2 match, and you and Roux can go back. Your hair won't be coming back though," Ri-chan snickered.

"Sure, I'd love to beat you up since I couldn't finish the job last time," I glared.

"Who said you'd get the honor? Your teammate might take me out instead."

"Teammate?"

"Crikey, mate! It's a yaoi yowie!" Dumbee smiled as he swung into the ring on a vine.

"Only one of you needs to remain standing, though if one of you goes down, you're out for the rest of the match. Same applies to my team too. And if you lose, it's erotica hell for you, though I'll be nice to Dumbee and let him play with the yowies regardless of if he wins or loses."

That damn spider. Is she trying to make this harder on me? I'm gonna beat her ass for all the hell she's put me through.