Something Like A Romance

Upon entering the home of Hidaka Jin and Nozomi, the familiar scent of miso broth clinging to the air was gone. Typically, both day and night when I used to spend my time here, that delicious fragrance coated every surface and particle. Instead, the thick aroma of stale alcohol and cigarette smoke clouded the building, and it wasn't long before I encountered the source. Sitting with his head in his hands, snoring like a baby, Hidaka Jin was fast asleep on the counter of his own shop, a dim light from the stove illuminating his unshaven face. Whiskey bottles lined the floor where fresh vegetables and kegs used to reside, and I could immediately tell that he hadn't opened up shop in days. Jin was a prideful man, always doing his best to sell ramen to the citizens of the red-light, a smile plastered on his aging face, despite having been one of Charlotte's living messages.

My heart ached at the sight of him; that I had no way to help him other than when I left money under his door. I approached his sleeping figure, staring daggers into his rapidly twitching eyelids. He must have been in the middle of a nightmare. As quietly as I could, I removed his hand from the fallen whiskey bottle, taking it to the kitchen sink and emptying its contents as to lessen the damage he had already caused himself over these past weeks. I'm not sure why, but I found myself planting a soft kiss on his forehead, almost as if to thank him for treating me like a human many moons ago.

I took a deep breath, looking up at the staircase that led to the living quarters above the restaurant. Quietly, I avoided the many squeaky steps that I had familiarized myself with in my nights spent here; force of habit, of course. Being sneaky was the single thing I had going for me, so memorizing something as simple as which floorboards creaked was second nature. By the time I had reached the door next to the bathroom, I halted my movements. I saw, underneath the doorframe, the soft glow of Nozomi's desk lamp. The illumination was almost so faint that I couldn't quite tell if I was imagining it.

Why would Nozomi be awake at such a late hour? It's the middle of the week; she always sleeps early on school nights.

I'll blame myself for being so lost in thought that I didn't even hear the shuffling approaching from the other end. I didn't nearly have enough time to hide, nor could I risk running down the stairs and awakening Jin. Instead, I waited for the door to open. When it did, I stepped inside, grabbing Nozomi by her waist and cupping my hand over her mouth.

She shrieked in fear, her delicate eyes shooting wide open as I rushed her down onto her bed, our small bodies bouncing ever so slightly from the force of my advance. I straddled her lap, resting my legs on either side of her hips while keeping my hand wrapped tightly around her soft lips, my free hand pinning her slender wrists to the mattress.

"Nozomi-chan... no, I'll just call you Nozomi. I'm in no position to call you my friend after what I put you through,"
I whispered, staring deeply into her eyes.

She spoke against my hand, her words muffled and remorseful. I couldn't make out what she was saying, but she began to cry. The sight of her tears almost drove me to break down myself, but I continued my impromptu speech as to hasten my goal.

"Nozomi... I need to tell you something, so listen closely."
I gulped.

Nozomi nodded her head, her eyes still widened.

"Nozomi... you don't have to be afraid anymore. I'm sorry for what happened back then. It was my own stupidity that got you involved with the Bara-gumi. No, it was beyond stupid. I was careless, and that carelessness drove you, my only true friend, to suffer because of my mistakes. I know you hate me, and I hate myself too. So here's what I'm going to do,"
I inched my face closer to hers, my hair gently tickling the bridge of her nose. If not for my hand covering her mouth, perhaps this moment could have been interpreted as something romantic.

"I'm going to kill Ninagawa Charlotte. I'm going to torture her in the exact same way she tortured you. I want to break her fingers, yank her teeth from her thick skull, and shoot her in the stomach with a real bullet. If there's no more Bara-gumi, then that means there's no more suffering. I'll steal her fortune, and give it all to you and Jin. You can get your teeth replaced, and you can move out of this disgusting town. When you look back on those days we spent together, I want you to remember how you called me strong. I don't want you to worship me; I want you to remember me as your friend."
I finally removed my hand from her mouth, unsure of whether I should even be staring at it. I wanted to see the damage I had caused her, yet I felt as if I would only encourage my own desire for vengeance to flare up.

Deep down, I knew what I was doing. I was projecting my fears onto her, having just been taught a valuable lesson in friendship, and how the wrong decisions could completely alter the fate of a person's life. I was telling her my goal for one reason and one reason alone; to ensure that whatever happened to me, I would always consider Nozomi a friend.

Nozomi, for some strange reason, broke free from my grasp, wrapping her loving arms around my neck and pulling my face into her collarbone. I froze, unsure of whether she was trying to strangle me in some strange way.

Instead, she began to sob, stroking my hair and repeating the words,
"Mika-chan... Mika-chan!"
Over and over.

"Nozomi?"
I tried to pull away, but felt so weak in her embrace that I could sense my body reacting before my brain. I, too, wrapped my arms around her, laying on top of her as I savored the familiar warmth of a friend's cuddle.

"You idiot! You're such an idiot, Mika-chan! How dare you!"
Her hands started to move. She raised them high in the air, bringing them down onto my face in an attempt to slap me. Her hands connected gently, and through her tears, she was unable to put any real force behind her strikes.

"Nozomi? What are you-"

"Mika-chan! I thought you were dead! You idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot!"
Nozomi's tears only seemed to gush faster, and her relentless attempts to slap me had no effect.

I straightened myself on her lap, gently grabbing her wrists to get a better look at her face. Once again, I found myself enamored by the sheer beauty of her. Even when she cried, Nozomi looked like an angel. Her unblemished, doll-like face was wet with tears, and the faint blush on her cheeks made me want to embrace her.

"What are you talking about? I've been leaving you and Jin money every week. I... thought you never wanted to see me again, and it was the only way I felt like I could repent."
I bit my own lip, trying hard not to cry upon seeing just how much she cared for me.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! You're my best friend, Mika-chan! Of course I wouldn't be happy to never see you again! You're the only girl who's ever truly understood me!"
Nozomi shouted, still trying to slap me despite her own weakness.
"What money are you even talking about?! Papa didn't mention anything about money!"

I felt my eyes widen at her confession. In a slight daze, I watched her mouth move as she spoke. When I noticed that Nozomi had all of her teeth, and not a single scar on her gums, my confusion skyrocketed.

I gently stuck two fingers in her mouth, prying her jaw open as thick strings of saliva stuck to me. Her tongue quivered slightly, but she allowed me to inch closer to stare at her teeth.

"N-Nozomi... what happened to your teeth?! Why do you have all of your teeth?!"
I finally raised my voice, staring in complete awe at her perfect pearly whites. I caressed them with my fingertips, hearing a soft whimper escape her throat as I did so, perhaps from pain or sensitivity.

When I pulled back, she swallowed and said,
"Papa paid for crowns. He said that he refused to pay back his loans until I had all of my teeth replaced."

I let out a shaky breath, realizing exactly what had happened. Nozomi must have realized at the same time, as her eyes seemed to grow a bit wider too.

Hidaka Jin had secretly been saving up the weekly money I was leaving him to pay for Nozomi's dental implants. Once again, he had been enduring the Bara-gumi's punishments for the sake of healing his one and only daughter. Despite me being the source of her disfigurement, Jin still accepted my cash without a word, ensuring that Nozomi was treated with care before himself. I was unsure just how much Nozomi told Jin about that day, but the details didn't matter. Nozomi was physically healed; even her fingers were bandaged, probably already past the time she needed to wear splints, as it had been over a month.

"You... were the one leaving money for us? Papa told me he took out another loan, not that you were leaving cash for us!"
Nozomi sat up, resting her hands on my shoulders to steady herself.

I shook my head, mimicking her gesture.
"But... just because you're healed doesn't mean the trauma is gone! I caused you to suffer, all because of my ego! I wanted to be your hero, Nozomi! I wanted to save you from ever having to get involved with the yakuza... but in the end, I only caused you more pain. I'm glad your teeth are fixed, and your fingers... but how can you even look me in the eyes after what I-"
I froze, unable to continue.

Once again, Nozomi halted my speech. This time, instead of with her words, she stopped me with her mouth. I felt her soft, tender lips against mine. Her flavor was that of delicious strawberries, delicate and innocent. I gasped loudly, but she only pulled me closer by the back of my head, allowing our tongues to collide in a heated, fiery dance. Unable to move, I had no choice but to succumb to the passionate feelings that my best friend had been bottling up for months. I closed my eyes, and allowed myself to experience my first kiss.

By the time it was over, I had a contradictory feeling of wanting to push her away, yet wanting to beg for more.

The silence and awkwardness clouded the room, and I couldn't even look her in the eyes once we had finally opened them.

"Mika-chan,"
Nozomi blushed furiously, resting her hands against my waist while looking away.
"None of that matters anymore. The only thing I care about is you and your safety. I want you to be happy, and live a normal teenage girl's life like you were meant to. You talk about wanting to be my hero, but you never knew that you already were. You're more than my hero, Mika-chan... you're my only friend."

"Your... only friend?"
I finally looked at her.

"My only friend,"
she said, confirming my suspicions.
"I've always been the target of bullying, no matter what school I attended growing up. People say I'm fragile and quiet; a teacher's pet and a bookworm. I may act like I know what I'm doing- painting my nails and wearing cute clothes- but none of it has ever landed me a true friend. That day when I met you, I thought you looked so cool. I thought to myself, 'Wow, a girl my age wearing a suit! She's so pretty.' But only truly came to realize why you had to don such an outfit in the first place when my father recognized you."

I grimaced slightly, remembering our fateful first encounter when Hidaka Jin had forgiven me and requested that I befriend his daughter.

Why hadn't I realized the reason behind it all? Jin only did that because he wanted Nozomi to have a friend her age. This girl, Nozomi, had been through so much, and despite what I did to her, I abandoned her when she needed me the most. I was so stupid to think she never wanted to see me again, when, in reality, it was all she ever wanted.

She began to cry again, this time wiping the tears from her cheeks as she said,
"Mika-chan... I want you to call me Nozomi-chan again. I want you to come spend the night with me and talk about manga together. I need you to hold me tight when we sleep, and comfort me when I feel like I'm losing myself. I don't care if you're yakuza; you mean everything to me. I have such strong feelings for you, and I'm sick of hiding them! I don't care if you don't want to be my girlfriend, or if you have to kill somebody just to keep my Papa safe. I just need you in my life; I don't have anything else! Mika-chan, I'll go through years and years of torture if it means I get to hold you in my arms again!"

After her speech, I felt that familiar pressure in the backs of my eyes. Small whimpers at first, but soon came the tears. I was crying again, after trying so hard to be strong. I cried when Enki told me about my mother, and now I was crying in front of my best friend over something so simple. I wasn't sure what to feel. On one hand, I desperately wanted to kiss her again, and experience firsthand what a teenage relationship had to offer. On the other hand, I still couldn't forgive myself for dragging Nozomi into this dark world, and considered the possibility of accidentally causing her more harm than last time.

"Nozomi... chan,"
I cried out to her.

"I'm right here, Mika-chan. Forever and always,"
she replied.

I felt myself giving in as my body collided with hers. I hugged her almost as strongly as Enki had when she learned my name. My sobs soaked through her pajama top, and I found myself agreeing to her terms, unable to bear the thought of leaving her alone ever again. I kissed her, and sealed our lasting bond with silence.