Chapter 22

She jolted upright and hid her face against her shoulder. I blinked. Fuck. It had been the wrong thing to do.

“Why... why did you do that?”, she whispered without looking at me.

“An’Ri, she always... I’m sorry…”

I looked down.

“No, it is fine. ”

She smiled, but her tail swished madly behind her. I sighed.

“What does it mean?”

She looked away.

“It’s... Kids do it, you know...”

I nodded even if I was sure she didn’t tell me everything, but I didn’t want to mess up even more by pushing my questions. This was embarrassing enough. We sat in silence, but at least she didn’t leave, so I guess it could be worse.

“When do you want to leave tomorrow?”

I hoped this was safe to ask. She looked at me.

“Before lunch? She’s tired from today. ”

I nodded.

“Yeah, it was a busy day.”

“You are always up so early.”

“Yeah, I got used to it. ”

This was going nowhere, but at least it felt safe, so we continued like that for a while until she said,

“It is getting late.”

She got up and picked up An’Ri. I followed them out onto the balcony, and she gave me a quick goodbye before closing the door. I returned to my flat and sank down on the sofa. So something had gone wrong without me even noticing anything. Great. I could feel another sleepless night slowly creeping in.

Why did I do it in the first place? I wasn't even sure, I just wanted… what? And more importantly, what did she want? I sighed and opened my laptop. I didn’t think I would find any answers online, and even if I did, I wouldn’t trust them, but at least it gave me something to do.

I was right, most of what I found was useless, ending exactly like where the minefield started, just like in the movie. Great. I was probably in the middle of it by now, with no way to go back or move forward. Not that I wanted to go back, but still.

I logged in to the Unity database. It seemed almost useless. Most of it dealt with complex legal issues, and I had no clue what most of it was about. I got up and stretched. It was late, but I wasn’t tired. I glanced at the balcony door and, after a moment’s hesitation, walked outside. Maybe some fresh air would help me to clear my mind.

She was sitting next to her door, with her back against the wall. I froze, and we looked at each other in surprise.

“You can’t sleep?”

It was a stupid question, but what else was I supposed to say?

“No. You neither?”

I sighed and shook my head in response. I sat down next to her. I couldn’t really read her, especially in the dark, but I hoped she didn’t mind it. It felt almost like being back on square one. What had happened to our baseline? I glanced at her. And what now?

“You want some coffee?”, I asked.

“Why not?”

I got up and walked inside. At least it felt like progress, even if it was small. I put instant coffee into two cups of warm water. I handed her one as I came back out, and she took it and took a sip. Maybe I should have got some chocolate, but it was too late. I looked into the night.

“It’s just like the first night when we moved in and met you”, she said.

I smiled. It felt like a really long time ago.

“Back then, we were on the opposite side of the gate.”

She chuckled. Yeah, looking back, it was pretty weird.

“Soon after, you left it open. An’Ri was so happy.”

She looked at me, and I smiled.

“This is better”, I said.

“It is,” she said quietly, and I hesitantly leaned towards her and rested my head on her shoulder.

She didn’t comment on it, but her body stayed soft and relaxed as I remembered it to be. Somehow, we’d managed to find our way back to where we’d started. But what were we supposed to do from here? I guess she must have thought the same. She put her hand on mine and squeezed it. I froze, my heart racing in my chest. Had she done it on purpose? Did she know what it meant?

She must have felt my tension because she pulled her hand away and straightened up.

“I am sorry.”

She looked down. Did she?

“Do you know what it means?”

I asked it on an impulse and instantly regretted it. She hid her face against her shoulder and whispered,

“I do.”

I reached out and put my hand on her. She glanced at me, her ears perked up. I wished I could say something, but my mind went blank, so I just rested my head on her shoulder, hoping she would understand.

“How… How do you do it? ”

Rather than answering, she leaned towards me and rubbed her nose on my cheek. Fuck, had I…?

“I wasn’t sure if you knew. It’s okay.”

I sighed.

“It feels like walking through a minefield.”

“It does,” she chuckled. “We almost blew each other up on a few occasions.”

I didn’t understand how she could find it funny, but in the end, I didn’t mind it. I guess I had never seen this side of her before. It was weird, but I had already got used to other weird things, so this shouldn’t be any different.

We spent the night huddled on the balcony, wrapped in her scarf. Even when we grew tired, none of us considered going to bed. I guess both of us instinctively knew it would potentially lead to another walk through the minefield, and none of us felt ready for it, at least not now. Yeah, let the dust settle down, then we will see what's next.

We only separated when the sun appeared on the horizon. It was almost like that first night when we’d met. She went inside, not wanting to worry An’Ri with her sleepless night, and I, more out of habit than anything else, went outside to do my workout.

It still wasn't clear, at least for me, what all of this meant, but at least we had a heading both of us were willing to follow. Maybe… that was enough.