New Year Same Me, Pt. 5

I arrived at one of the campus's many dormitory rooms, all lined up in perfect symmetry down an extensive hallway. With a deep breath, I knocked on the door. For a second, there was nothing. Then, a few clicks, a lock unlocking, and the door opened. Standing there in her pajamas, a wide grin on her face, was Asakura Yue.

"Hey, Taka!"

"Hi, Yue."

"Welcome, welcome. Come on in."

She shut the door behind me as I stepped in. Before anything else, I slipped my shoes off, then took a moment to look around.

Like any other dorm room, it was small. Cramped. A bed on one side, and a desk on the other. In the back was a minifridge, which Yue had turned into a pseudo desk for all her makeup items.

"Doesn't it get cramped in here?" I asked.

"Ehh, you get used to it eventually. It's got all the essentials, and there's a free gym downstairs. I thought about moving to your apartment complex at the end of the semester. There's a park next to it, right?"

"Yeah. I go there whenever I need to take some photos or go for a jog."

"Must be nice. How long does your commute to school normally take?"

"Just straight up walking? About twenty or twenty-five minutes. Maybe fifteen if I pace myself correctly, which always ends up happening because I never wanna get out of bed on time."

"Whoa, twenty-five minutes ain't bad."

"It really isn't."

"Mm. Anyway, have a seat."

While Yue jumped on her bed, I dragged the chair from the desk and sat in front of her. For a moment, we waited in silence. Yue was giving me that look she makes whenever she tries to figure me out. Eventually, she relaxed a little, leaning back a bit while crossing her arms and legs.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Honestly? Conflicted. You said you watched the PR event broadcast, right?"

"Every second of it, and boy oh boy, was that such a crazy jaw-dropper. Did you see the way Hayashi Kenji was looking at Megumi the whole time? Dude had freaking hearts in his eyes, but not once did Megumi look his way, even when he was talking to her. You know why?"

"...W-why?"

Big mistake. Yue's smile turned into a wide grin, almost as if her excitement storage was overflowing and ready to explode.

"Why? Did you really just ask something so obvious?! Because she only has eyes for you!"

"W-wha—?!

"Dude! It was so wild! The way she started off saying how it was only her bodyguard, and she was holding hands so she wouldn't get lost, and how she was never the romantic type — load of bull shit, if you ask me. That's what I said to Koga, word for word. But then... But then!"

"Yue—"

"But then, right?! A man comes out, whispers something in her, and just as she was ready to read the card... She pauses. She hesitates. She remembers something — someone... That someone had such a massive impact on her that it made her spill absolutely everything! Eee~! It was so cute! And the way she told off her own manager was such a mommy moment!"

"A... A mommy moment?"

"Yeah. You know. Boss lady. Dommy mommy. My queen."

"O-okay. You can stop there."

"Hehe, my bad. Anyway! That someone was you, Taka! You~!"—she rapidly poked my arm like an unhinged schoolgirl—"She told the entire world everything she liked about you! Ah..."

Like a full-fledged actress performing in the latest soap opera, she dramatically fell, gracefully plopping onto her pillow.

"I think I'm gonna die from the cuteness overload, Taka. But it's okay, cuz I'm gonna die a happy girl, knowing my best friend is gonna marry the Megumi no Hana."

As performative and funny as it was, I couldn't bring myself to laugh. Instead, I glanced the other way, and she noticed. Even without looking, I could tell what was on her face.

"Taka?" she said, lifting herself up. "You... You're gonna at least talk to her, right?"

I hesitated for a second.

"I'm not sure, Yue. I mean... Do I have the right? And even if I do... Do I really deserve to see her again?"

"What...? What makes you think you don't?"

"Because it's my fault, isn't it? I was the one who sent her away. Like you had said, I made that decision for her. And now, I regret it, but regret doesn't change anything. What's done is done. I can't take it back, even if it was the wrong choice. Shouldn't I have to live with it?"

She didn't answer right away. She just stared at me, that look on her face — the kind that always made me feel exposed and ridiculous.

And you know what? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm overthinking everything. Maybe I should just swallow my shame and see her again. But some part of me still whispered that I didn't deserve to. Didn't deserve her.

"Yes, you're right," Yue bluntly said. "You did make that choice for her. Was it really the wrong one? Who really knows? You don't. I don't. Megumi probably doesn't either. But here's what I do know: she was hurting just as much as you were, enough that she chose to bare everything to the very people she'd been hiding from. Just to breathe freely again.

I had no response. None at all.

I'd learned to distrust hope because of Chiaki. And now I was doing the same thing to Megumi — punishing her for my own fear. It wasn't fair, and I knew that. But knowing didn't make it easier.

"Taka, look at me," Yue said softly.

And I did.

"I know how you feel. I know you think you don't deserve a second chance — or Megumi. But... You're falling into the same hole you did before. Don't you think it's time to take a step back?"

"...Take a step back? What do you mean?"

"Stop trying to control everything. Stop being the one who decides what's best. For once... Try letting go of the steering wheel for someone else to drive. Just like when Megumi chose to tell the truth, risking everything she'd built... Let her decide for herself what she wants."

The words hit me like a blow to the chest — truths I'd dodged for so long, now standing in front of me with nowhere left to run.

I'd always known. I just refused to accept it. Because if I did... I'd have to face the reality that there was another way all along, and knowing that would’ve haunted me forever.

"Call her, Taka. Or even text her. Anything. Let her know you saw her, you heard her, and you're willing to listen. Then, give her the choice. If she forgives you, great. If she doesn't... then at least she decided that on her own. What matters is that you stop choosing for her." 

She smiled faintly, resting a hand on my arm.

"Don't decide how she should live. Support it. And you'll finally understand how liberating that can be."

It felt like the chains wrapped around my heart were finally loosening, before shattering altogether. Didn't even feel myself standing up.

"Heh. Looks like you've made up your mind," Yue said with a smile. "Finally figured it out?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I... I think I did. A-anyway, I have to run now! Thanks, Yue!"

"Yep! Let me know how it goes!"

After slipping my shoes on, I stormed through the hallway, down the stairs, and out the door. Outside, I ran even faster, pushing against the wind, my body as light as a feather. Not even being late to an exam could make me go this far. And the world... seemed just a tiny bit brighter than before.

My chest was still pounding, my mind still a mess, but for the first time, I could see it: a path forward.