Christmas

The world seemed to stop moving whenever Christmas approached. It was the same for me as well since I was here with my family instead of Italy.

The film’s production was put on hiatus because of the holiday season, so I was here at my parents’ house, spending the holidays with my lovely family.

Sipping the eggnog Mom made, I looked around in my room, the room I used to live in before I moved out. Being here drowned me with a wave of nostalgia. I caressed my chicken plushy as I reminisced about the time I’d cried because it got torn and my dad had to stitch it up. I could still feel the lingering sadness echoed from the distant past, knowing that my favorite plushy would never be the same. The mismatched patch on its surface was a reminder of the time when I cried as easily as I breathe.

Nothing seemed to have changed since I’d moved out at all. Maybe it was Christmas magic that froze this room, turning it into an unchanging picture that I could step into. But that also made it feel more like a scenery of the past, a place from my memory that I grew out of.

As I was rubbing the cold out of my feet, my phone buzzed, and I turned my attention to it.

It was from Lena. She’d sent a photo of hot chocolate topped with toasted marshmallow; there were people in the background.

“Made some hot chocolates with my dad. What do you think?”

“Looks tasty,” I replied, followed by attaching a photo of a cup of eggnog I was drinking.

“My mom made some eggnogs.”

“Nice! I want to try some.”

“Come over then.”

“You know that if I could, I would’ve done it...”

I’d told Lena that I would be home for the holiday. She wanted to come meet me at the airport, but by the time I messaged her, she was already at her grandma’s place. A trip from there to the airport would take her around three hours or more, so I told her not to bother since I didn’t want her to get stuck in traffic for my sake.

The chat went silent for a bit before another message arrived.

“Can we call?”

My answer came in the form of a video call since I didn’t bother sending a text. I wanted to see her as well, so I didn’t waste any time.

Lena accepted the call, and her face showed up on my phone screen as she was combing her bangs and adjusting her glasses.

“You should’ve given me an answer before you called.” Her lips pursed into a small pout. My heart felt warmer when I saw that expression of hers.

“Sorry, I’m just excited to see you.” I let myself fall onto the mattress.

“So, um...” A couple of light clinks could be heard as she tapped her mug, thinking of what to say. “You go to your parents’ place every Christmas?”

“Pretty much. My family gathers here because, you know, they’re rich and their house is massive.”

The background in Lena’s cam was a field of green with spots of white snow on them. In the distance was a sparse forest where most trees had shed their leaves. It looked like she was outside, but didn’t she send me a photo of her hot chocolate, saying that she made it with her dad just a minute ago?

“Are you outside?”

“I’m at the front porch." She pointed her camera to show me the view more clearly.

“Whoa, the view looks nice. Wish I could be there with you.”

“Me too...”

She took a sip of her drink, and her expression turned somber.

“Have you ever spent Christmas away from your family?”

“Not really. There’s a time when my dad was stuck in America during Christmas, but aside from that, no.”

“I see...” she mumbled as she stared at me through the phone. I was a little worried that something prompted her to ask that question. And that something might be a bad situation involving her family.

“Why did you ask?” I asked as casually as possible.

“Nothing, just curious...” She answered without taking her gaze away from me.

It seemed like Lena didn’t want to say whatever was on her mind, so I switched the topic out of respect for her decision.

“So... with Christmas approaching us and everything... is there anything you want for Christmas?”

“Anything I want...?” She repeated my question before she fell into contemplation as she sipped her hot chocolate. After wiping her mouth clean, she buried her face into her arms, eyes peaking out to look at me.

“I want... you, Rachel...” She rubbed her ear with a reddened face.

I should also rub the back of my ear to calm myself down because never in my life would I expect Lena to say that to me.

“Uh... I... um...” To regain my composure, I got up to drink my eggnog. Not because eggnog helped calm me down, but because stepping away from the camera let me take a big breath to settle my shaking heart.

“W-Well... I’m here! For now, at least, until I have to go to a shoot.”

“Not like that.” She shook her head. “I mean like in person...”

I, too, wished that I could be with her in person, but the distance between us was an obstacle that would be too bothersome to get around. I nodded as I sipped on my drink, agreeing with her sentiment while I continued to listen to her.

“You know... I feel like the more I spend time with you, the more I want to see you.” Lena looked away as she rambled before she paused for a second and turned her gaze back at me.

“It's like I'm getting addicted to you... or something...”

My throat clamped shut mid-gulp, causing me to cough. I flipped my phone over on my mattress so that the webcam couldn’t capture my reaction and covered my mouth.

What was with Lena all of a sudden? Why was she speaking in such a flirty way? Sure, I might have snuck in some flirty actions here or there because I wanted to seduce her, but why did she flirt with me back? Not that I was against it, of course, I was only curious as to why she bounced back at me so suddenly. Then again, she’d had moments where she landed a critical blow on me, probably out of pure coincidence, so that shouldn’t be much of a surprise. This time around, however, those coincidental blows felt more impactful, like I was hit by her one-two combo and now facing a knockout.

“Are you okay?”

I turned my phone over now that I felt a little calmer than before.

“I’m fine, just... choked on my drink...”

“Is that so?”

I didn’t want to linger on that topic anymore because there might be a chance that my fluster would get exposed to Lena, so I decided to change it.

“Hey... Wanna trade presents?”

“Sure! But...” Her face lit up into a smile once I mentioned the word present, but it faded away after a moment had passed. “...How should I send it to you?”

I thought about a way to make our present exchange work without having to meet each other. Wobbling my cup of eggnog in contemplation, I was reminded of the fact that I asked Lena to check on my fish from time to time, and so the solution was found.

“I’ll leave it at my place before I go to Italy, so you can pick it up and leave yours at the same time. How about it?”

“Sounds like a good idea.” She nodded.

Then I heard a voice calling for Lena through my phone. She turned to her right and into her house and responded to a vaguely familiar voice. Listening in on their conversation, I found out that it was her mom calling her for dinner. No wonder the voice sounded familiar. I talked to her on her phone before.

“I have to go. My mom’s calling me for dinner.”

“Okay. Talk to you later then. Merry Christmas, Lena.”

I moved my finger to the hang-up button.

“Rachel.”

But was interrupted by the call of my name.

“I...” She shook her head. “Never mind. Merry Christmas, Rachel.”

And then she ended the call.

I knew that Lena’d been keeping something from me. I wanted to look inside her mind to see what it was, but since I couldn’t do that, I decided to forget about it.

Mulling over it would make me anxious for no good reason anyway. It would be akin to digging for diamonds in a field of flowers; all you would ever find were rocks and dirt, and in the process making a giant hole that ruined the scenery as well as the flowers growing on the field. So I decided to stand here and watch as the snow fell onto the field to create a blanket of white, preserving the poinsettias underneath so that they could survive the winter.