Mika's Growing Unease

“Ah, hello, Mika.” My boss greeted me as I walked in through the back door of the bakery I worked at and started putting on my uniform. My boss is an older lady, she is quite strict and expects me to work quickly, but she is also very kind. I could feel the warmth of the ovens well under way, and the scent of freshly baked pastries filled the air. I still enjoy the smell of it, despite having worked here since I came to Tokyo.

“Don’t forget to change the toppings on the Eclair today, and make sure to check the pastries every thirty minutes, we don’t want another review like that.” My boss warned me as she brought me back to reality. I knew what she was talking about immediately. An online review had a picture with a fly on one of our pastries, and it was definitely unappealing. We can do our job well for weeks and weeks, but one mistake like that ends up posted online and scaring a lot of customers away.

It was a slightly busy day with my boss and two coworker girls, slightly younger than me, that helped her bake. I spent most of the time smiling at the front of the shop behind the register, and daydreaming while carrying baked goods on trays. Most people that walked in and out of the bakery did so with a smile, so the job was never too taxing for me. After all, who doesn’t enjoy a pastry treat, or a small sandwich to go? Most of the time there was minimal interaction, but I always tried to offer a smile, which regulars appreciated.

We were reaching the latter part of the evening, and the shop was emptying out both in customers and baked goods. I could hear the girls’ chatter coming from the corner, hidden by the ovens.

“Have you seen their latest video? He’s so cute!” A girl said, excited about a clip she had just watched on her phone.

“He’s lucky to have Eiko by his side!”

“What? No. She is lucky to have him!”

The girls started arguing with each other over some celebrity couple that I paid little attention to. I think going through the coronavirus did a number on us. Around here people are already pretty distant from each other, and with the pandemic, we all had even less chances to learn how to form the bonds that we needed. We’re all trying to experience love and company even by living through others online, people that we’ll never meet or touch. I wasn’t too interested in what the girls were watching, but I’d be lying if I said I never felt lonely and tempted to fill the vacuum in the same way.

I sealed my feelings away and smiled as I wrapped another sandwich and bagged it for a customer. Even though I gave him a smile, he never looked at me, and hurriedly walked away. It wasn’t unusual for customers to ignore me completely, but I hadn’t been feeling great the past few days, especially after that encounter with the boy in the park. I felt a little sad about that particular interaction with the customer, or lack of. My mood darkened every time I thought back about that night at the park, but I couldn’t really figure out why.

“Mika…” my boss came over. I quickly tried to smile back at her. “Go take a break, there’s not much time left, I got the front for now.” My boss gently pushed me out. As I walked out the bakery I noticed the girls still gossiping in the back of the shop. My boss must’ve noticed too.

“You girls, get back to work!” She scolded them firmly, and they scurried around the kitchen like a panicked little animal would as soon as they heard her.

I crouched near one of the walls on the outside of the store as I shifted from the air conditioned shop to the warm and humid Tokyo air. We were next to a train station, and I could hear the bells stop the traffic to let the train through. Soon after, a wave of local residents poured out of the train, some walking past me on the street, and a couple going into the shop. Maybe I should’ve helped my boss, but she really wanted me to be outside.

Maybe my distress has been too obvious ever since that night at the park. I don’t want to ruin the business if that’s the case. I closed my eyes and hummed a song to relax, like I always did. The sound of the people walking by, the bicycles, the trains, all worked to muffle my voice as I quietly felt the world go by.

I panicked as my boss called out to me in the middle of my musical daydream.

“Mika… do you really think I’m a fool?” she said, looking at me disapprovingly. “I was your age before too, you know? And I know you hum when you’re worried.”

“Ah.. oh.. Sorry.” I found it hard to snap back to reality and give her any sort of words that would fix the situation.

“What is it, is school going badly? You need to keep going and work hard, I don’t want to see you here when you graduate, neither do your parents!” She scolded me in a loving way. I’m not sure when she became my second mother.

“Even if I do well in school I don’t think I…” I couldn’t finish my thought.

“Better with a degree than not, don’t you think?”

“I think so…” I answered, knowing I probably shouldn’t be too honest with my boss. She then went back into the store, feeling like the motivational talk was successful. Maybe it should be, and maybe I’m the problem.

I felt like a cloud hung over me and I was no longer able to see light. I just couldn’t shake off all the comments the boy had made about my music. I don’t care about school or anything like that. In the end, I’d be lucky if I scored an office job like many others, and if not, it wasn’t a big deal. I would manage. But my music… that was the real painful part. If his goal was to hurt me, it was successful.

The break my boss gave me did help somewhat, and soon enough I went back into the bakery to help the others. We were starting to clean up the shop, putting away tongs, trays and all the food we had left. Among the noise of metal clanking against each other, I heard a customer walk into the store. He seemed like a sophisticated young man from the quick glance I had of his clothing, and I started putting down the tongs to help him until I caught a glimpse of his face. When I saw it, my body lost strength and I dropped some tongs on the floor, causing loud metal banging sounds throughout the bakery. I immediately hid behind the counter and was shocked by the scene in front of me.

I motioned towards the other employee girls, so that they would take care of the front while I picked up the tongs I had dropped and then I hurried away, out of sight. I could see one of the girls pack a strawberry shortcake for him and send him off. It somehow felt like she took ten times longer than she usually did.

The two girls burst out in laughter as they saw me hiding in the corner.

“What? Never interacted with a boy your age before? I know everyone around here is older but…” Their laughter interrupted each other’s words. The other girl chimed in.

“Seriously, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” the other girl teased, and they both laughed. Despite their teasing, I knew they were reliable enough that I could count on them in a moment like that.

My boss spotted my distress as I hid crouching in the corner, nervous, and looked at me as if she had realized something. “Get back to work!” she told the girls. “You too, Mika.” She softened her tone for me, being wise enough to understand something was unusual about my situation.