Extra Mustard and Ketchup, Please

Find the tiger in you Rawr, Meow!?!

I was always hearing a voice in my head. It’s the voice of the Tiger. We have a weird coexistence, but we make it work.

I was eating a hot dog. I put the plate on my stomach, as one would do. I also put extra Ketchup and Mustard. Don’t be afraid of the cream, embrace it. If you stain yourself, embrace it, be brave. My favorite black hoodie was now full of stains. The Tiger inside my head was concerned.

The concerned voice in my head was telling me, “Please change the hoodie and wear something nicer, you look homeless.”

Oh yeah, how about NO. I will look even more homeless now.

The tiger voice in my head was even more concerned now. “What? What do you mean?”

I will go in these sweatpants and hoodie to work.

“No, please don’t, you can’t be serious.”

I was finishing my hot dog and just spilling ketchup everywhere. My old, crusty, stainy couch was jealous of the new stains on my hoodie. I liked to stain my hoodie more than to stain the couch. But life would sometimes be unpredictable.

“I am serious. I am going like this to work. If we transform, you always have your elegant white suit, so why are you bothered?”

“You are embarrassing us,” the white tiger in my head said, with his tone suggesting that he had given up on convincing me to change.

So yeah, as I was saying, we made this coexistence work perfectly. When we transform, we can wear elegant stuff, but now we look homeless, alright.

I went to work, and no one knew the train station like me. I was the best train ticket controller.

Even if an old grandma didn’t pay for a ticket, I would just eject her from the train at the next station. Go and pay, granny. Some order needs to exist, or else the whole fast train station would collapse.

I had some time to make cold coffee in my thermos. The tiger disapproved.

“Fumihiro, you child, who drinks cold coffee in this day and age? It is so childish, and you put more sugar than coffee. Do you want us to get some sugar disease?”

I didn’t have time to argue with my inside tiger. I was focused on work. I entered the first train, yelling loud and clear:

“Tickets, tickets! Tickets for control! Ticket control!”

My work vest was covering the ketchup stains on my hoodie a little bit. The work vest was clean. I would clean it, man. I am professional, no messing with me.

And as I was walking around the train, it was about to go down. I saw it. My instinct told me. Big battle, big chase, and ultimately my victory was about to happen.

The Tiger inside me got excited. “Should we transform? Should we transform?”

NO, NO, not that kind of action.

That grandpa just stood up. He probably didn’t have a ticket, so he was trying to escape. Well, not on my watch you don’t.

“Yo grandpa, what up?”

“Oh hello there. Is there some kind of a problem?”

“Don’t you ‘hello’ me,” I said angrily. “You know what is up,” and I showed my plate with my name and function. “Ticket control, pa. Show it to me.”

Grandpa got a little nervous, going through his pockets.

I knew it. You don’t got it, right, you thief.

“No, no, I got it. Give me just one second.”
He reached deep into his back pocket.

And the tiger in my head yelled and roared… “Transform NOOOWWW!”

I knew it was serious, so I quickly did the ritual needed to transform. I bit my thumb and put it on the ketchup stain on my hoodie. This was all it took for us to transform — some blood and ketchup.

We didn’t do a full transformation to try not to scare people on the train. I only transformed my right hand.

The grandpa pulled out a black magic dagger from his back pocket and then jumped high like a kangaroo through the roof of the train.

How did he fit that dagger inside there? I was confused.
Well, there goes not scaring people.

I fully transformed and jumped on the roof as well. Tiger took over control. He first cast a spell for clothes. He changed us into white elegant shoes, a white suit, and a coat. The coat was so silky and bulky. I have no idea how or why we fight in it.

After that spell, the spell to fix the roof was the next one. Tiger was chasing this grandpa, who was jumping from roof wagon to roof wagon. What is he, a ninja?

Tiger knew that he was a powerful mage, so he went for the spear first. He conjured the spear from ice and threw it at the old guy, who skillfully blocked it. We threw more ice spears, but without success.

Grandpa and us finally got to a quiet part of the train station. There were no people on this part of the track.

Tiger and I knew. This is where he does the special move. It was not looking good.

So before we could see what that would be, I said to Tiger, “Let’s do ours. Let’s go for it.”

Tiger roared, conjured a big battle axe, and yelled, “Blizzard.”
We froze everything. Grandpa turned into a statue of ice.

That is what you get for not paying the ticket, old dude.

“We sure showed him,” I said, happy that I could go back to work.

“No, not yet.”

The Tiger was not giving me control back. “What now do you want? To go to the zoo again and talk to tigers? Not that stuff again, come on, go back.”

“The battle is not done yet. Look.”

The statue melted, and the old grandpa was not old now nor was he grandpa anymore. He was a demon with four horns. Four horns!!!

“Tiger dude, two horns were not enough? What is this?”

“This means he is weak,” Tiger said to me calmly, with his deep, soothing voice.

The demon put his hands inside his mouth and ripped his own head off. His head just fell next to him.

“Ha, this dumb idiot. He just finished himself off out of fear. He is a little scared chicken man.”

“Tiger, transform back.”

As I said that, from the headless body, the head started to regenerate. From the head, the whole body started to appear. Now there were two of them.

Two demon dudes. Damn, man, I don’t get paid enough for this.

“We don’t get paid at all for this,” Tiger said.
“True, true.”

Tiger threw Blizzard again, and then we dashed with a big swing to kill both of them. Kill first, ask questions later — that is our motto, baby.

The demons dodged and started to throw out attacking spells. One was throwing spells called Holo, while the other one was throwing Lolo spells.

“We are in a pickle now, Tiger.”

“No, we are at the train track.”

“It’s just a saying, dude. Focus, you are off today.”

Tiger conjured a walking stick with a silver skull on top as a handle. It was looking sick and rad. Does anyone even say rad anymore?

He stomped the floor with the stick, and ice spikes penetrated the demons from the floor.

Tiger roared and threw Blizzard again, but now even more powerful than before. With a big swing, he annihilated both demons in an instant, without letting them explain themselves or, even worse, attack us back.

I was back at work. Everything was fine now. But I had a craving for some burger, and maybe even a cheeseburger.

“Don’t do it,” the tiger in my head was begging me. “Don’t do it.”

“Oh yeah, I am going to do it even harder.”

“No, please, no.”

“Extra mustard and ketchup on that burger, please.”