Chapter 28: Breakfast with Battle Mages

Usually, this is the time when Naomi rushes around looking for her textbooks while we, the cats, sleep in various sunbeams and ignore her existence until she dispenses food.

Today, however, the script has been flipped. Burned. And rewritten by a maniac.

We are in the kitchen. But we are not under the table begging for scraps. We are at the table. Sitting on chairs. Like people.

Well, mostly like people.

Muji is crouching on his chair, his heels digging into the upholstery, because sitting with his legs down makes him feel "trapped". He is currently holding a fork like a dagger, stabbing a sausage with the intensity of a man spearing a fish in a rushing river.

"Die, meat tube", Muji whispers, stabbing the sausage. Thunk.

"Muji, use your chopsticks", Naomi sighs. She is standing at the stove, flipping pancakes. She looks tired, but there is a weird, frantic energy about her. She keeps glancing over her shoulder at us, as if checking to make sure we haven't turned back into animals or vanished into smoke. "And sit properly. You are ruining the cushion".

"Chopsticks are inefficient", Muji argues, biting the sausage off the fork with a savage snap of his teeth. "I have claws. Why do I need wooden sticks?"

"Because we are civilized spirits", Kenuji says. He is sitting perfectly straight, reading the morning newspaper. He is the only one who looks completely natural as a human, mostly because his human form-a serious young man with glasses-matches his cat personality perfectly. "Naomi is kind enough to cook for five full-sized humans. The least you can do is not eat like a barbarian".

"I am a barbarian", Muji retorts with his mouth full. "I was born in a cave. Remember? The cave with the gold?"

"We were born in a village", Inoe corrects him. She is sitting across from me, examining her reflection in a spoon. "We found the cave. There is a difference".

Inoe is wearing one of Naomi's oversized t-shirts, which she has somehow belted and styled to look like high fashion. She looks effortless. Meanwhile, I am wearing a pair of Naomi's old gym shorts and a hoodie that says "I <3 CATS" on it. Naomi thought it was funny. I think it is a little on the nose.

Yoshi is leaning against the counter, sipping a mug of black coffee. He is wearing his leather jacket indoors, because apparently, his coolness is tied to his outerwear.

"How is the coffee, Blackie?" Naomi teases him, flipping a pancake onto a plate.

Yoshi winces. "Please. Call me Yoshi. Blackie is a name for a pet. I am a warrior of the earth. I have crushed mountains".

"You chased a laser pointer into a wall three days ago", Naomi points out, handing him the plate. "Here. Pancakes. Do you want syrup?"

Yoshi looks at the fluffy stack. His stoic yakuza mask cracks. "Yes. Lots of syrup. Drown it".

It is surreal. It is domestic. And it is terrifyingly fragile. Hajime left for work an hour ago, none the wiser that his house is currently occupied by a squad of shapeshifters. If he came back right now, he would probably have a heart attack.

"So", Naomi says, sitting down at the head of the table. She rests her chin on her hand, looking at us. "Today is a holiday for me. University is closed for... structural inspections".

"Because the Tokyo Tower fell down", Kenuji notes without looking up from the paper. "The city is in a panic".

"Right", Naomi nods. "So, since I am home, and you guys are... you know... available. I was thinking we could do those chores".

Muji freezes. He slowly lowers his fork. "I thought you were joking".

"The gutters aren't going to clean themselves", Naomi smiles. It is a sweet smile, but there is steel behind it. She is Hajime's daughter, after all. "And the garden looks like a jungle. Mrs. Tanaka next door keeps complaining about our weeds coming over the fence".

"Weeds?" Yoshi scoffs. "I am a Geomancer. I control the earth. You want me to pull weeds?"

"I want you to use your earth magic to remove the weeds without killing my hydrangeas", Naomi clarifies. "Can you do that? Or are you only good for smashing things?"

Yoshi's eye twitches. It is a challenge. "I have absolute control. I can remove a single blade of grass from a golf course without disturbing the sand".

"Prove it", Naomi says.

Ten minutes later, we are in the backyard.

The sun is shining, but the air still feels thin, a lingering side effect of the Eclipse. The garden is indeed a mess. The summer rains have turned the weeds into waist-high monsters.

"Okay", Yoshi cracks his knuckles. He stands in the center of the lawn. "Observe the master".

He closes his eyes. He spreads his hands. A faint green aura surrounds his boots.

"Earth. Separate. Purge the invaders".

The ground rumbles. It is a low frequency, like a cat purring underground.

Suddenly, thousands of weeds shoot out of the ground. They don't just get pulled; the earth literally spits them out, roots and all. They fly into the air and land in a neat pile in the center of the yard. The hydrangeas, the roses, and the tomato plants stay perfectly still.

"Whoa", Naomi gasps, clapping her hands. "That is... incredibly efficient. You just saved me three hours of work".

"I am a god", Yoshi smirks, dusting off his hands.

"You missed a spot", Muji points to a dandelion near the fence.

Yoshi glares at the dandelion. The dandelion pops out of the ground and hits Muji in the face.

"Hey!" Muji yells.

"Focus, children", Kenuji says. He is levitating a ladder toward the roof. "I will handle the gutters. Telekinesis is superior for aerial work. No risk of falling".

"I will help with the cleaning", Inoe says. She looks at the dirty windows. "Ugh. Bird poop. Disgusting".

She waves her hand. "Suggestion: You are clean. Dirt does not belong here".

A psychic wave hits the windows. The dirt simply... falls off. It crumbles into dust and slides down the glass, leaving it sparkling.

"Cheater", Muji grumbles. "What do I do? I don't have magic tricks. I just have claws".

"You can prune the hedges", Naomi suggests, handing him a pair of shears.

Muji looks at the shears. He looks at the overgrown hedge. He tosses the shears aside.

"Silver Claw: Hedge Trimmer Mode".

His fingers blur. He moves along the hedge like a buzzsaw. Leaves fly everywhere. In ten seconds, the hedge is perfectly squared off.

"Done", Muji says, blowing a leaf off his nose.

"You guys are the best gardening service ever", Naomi laughs. She is sitting on the porch, drinking iced tea. "I should charge admission".

I sit down next to her. I am still tired from the spirit bomb, so I am on "supervision duty".

"You are taking this well", I say quietly. "Most humans would be freaking out. You have five monsters in your backyard using magic".

"You aren't monsters", Naomi says, looking at me. She puts a hand on my knee. "You are Snowy. You slept on my head when I had the flu. You purred when I cried over my ex-boyfriend. That is real. The magic... that is just extra".

She smiles. "Besides, I always knew there was something weird about you guys. Normal cats don't open the fridge".

"That was Muji", I say.

"I know. He also ate my pudding".

"He blames the dog".

"We don't have a dog, Haruka".

We both laugh. It feels good. It feels normal.

But the normal doesn't last.

Suddenly, Yoshi freezes. The green aura around him flares and turns jagged.

"Quiet", Yoshi barks.

The laughter dies instantly. Muji stops preening. Kenuji drops the ladder (gently). Inoe turns from the window.

"What is it?" Naomi asks, standing up.

"Movement", Yoshi says, staring at the ground. "Deep underground. Something is moving fast. And it is big".

"An earthquake?" Naomi asks.

"No", Kenuji says, his eyes narrowing as he scans the perimeter. "It has a heartbeat. A slow, rotten heartbeat. It is a Residual".

"A what?"

"A leftover from the Eclipse", I explain, standing up and summoning a faint glow to my hands. "When the portal opened, things fell out. Shadow beasts. Most of them dissolved when the sun came out, but the strong ones... they dug deep. They hid in the dark".

CRUNCH.

The sound comes from the neighbor's yard—Mrs. Tanaka's house. Her pristine white fence shatters.

Something bursts through the wood.

It is a worm. But it is the size of a bus. It is made of black, oily sludge that hardens into chitinous plates. It has no eyes, just a round mouth filled with rows of spinning teeth. It smells like old sewage and sulfur.

"Void Leech!" Inoe screams. "Class B! It eats spiritual energy!"

The Leech rears up. It towers over the fence. It senses us. It senses the massive amount of spiritual energy concentrated in our backyard.

It shrieks. A sound like metal tearing.

Mrs. Tanaka screams from inside her house.

"It is going for the neighbor!" Muji yells.

"No, it wants us", Yoshi says, stepping in front of Naomi. "Naomi, get inside. Lock the doors. Stay away from the windows".

"But-" Naomi starts.

"GO!" Yoshi roars. His voice is not human. It is the growl of a predator.

Naomi flinches, but she nods. She runs into the house and slides the glass door shut. She doesn't hide, though. She stands by the glass, watching.

"Okay", Yoshi says, cracking his neck. "Gardening break is over. Pest control time".

The Void Leech lunges. It dives at us like a striking cobra.

"Scatter!" Kenuji orders.

We break formation. The Leech slams into the spot where we were standing, churning the earth and destroying Yoshi's nice pile of weeds.

"My weeds!" Yoshi yells. "I organized those!"

Yoshi stomps the ground. "Geomancer Arts: Stone Spike!"

A spear of rock shoots up from the earth, stabbing the Leech in its side. The rock pierces the black armor, but the Leech doesn't bleed. It just oozes black slime that sizzles on the ground.

"It is acidic!" Yoshi warns. "Don't let it touch you!"

Muji jumps onto the roof of the shed. "Hey, ugly! Up here!"

The Leech turns its maw toward Muji. It spits a glob of black acid.

Muji backflips. The acid hits the shed roof, melting through the shingles instantly.

"Silver Claw: Sonic Slash!"

Muji swings his arm. A wave of air pressure, sharp as a razor, flies at the Leech. It hits the monster's neck, carving a deep gash.

The Leech thrashes. It swings its tail blindly.

The tail smashes into the side of the house.

CRASH.

The glass door shatters. Naomi screams as debris flies into the living room.

"Naomi!" I scream.

I run toward the house. "Divine Light: Shield!"

I throw a barrier over the opening, blocking the falling glass.

Naomi is on the floor, covering her head. She is shaking, but she is unhurt.

"I am okay!" she yells. "Kill it! Kill it before it eats the house!"

"You heard the lady!" Inoe shouts. She is floating three feet off the ground, her hair writhing like snakes. "Psychic Crush!"

She grabs the Leech with her mind. She squeezes. The Leech's armor cracks. It squeals in pain.

"Hold it there!" Kenuji yells. He pulls a handful of paper talismans from his pocket. "Yoshi! Flip it!"

Yoshi runs under the Leech. He places his hands on the monster's underbelly—the soft spot.

"Geomancer Arts: Eruption!"

He blasts the Leech upward with a pillar of compressed earth. The Leech flips onto its back, exposing its pale, soft stomach.

Kenuji throws the talismans. They stick to the belly.

"Explode", Kenuji says calmly.

BOOM.

The talismans detonate in a flash of blue spiritual fire. The Leech is blown in half. Black sludge rains down on the garden. The two halves twitch for a second, then dissolve into smoke.

Silence falls over the backyard.

We stand there, breathing heavy. The garden is ruined. The fence is broken. The shed is melting. The living room is exposed to the elements.

"Well", Muji says, wiping slime off his shoulder. "That counts as weeding, right?"

"We destroyed the hydrangeas", Yoshi sighs, looking at the crushed flowers. "Naomi is going to kill us".

We look at the house.

Naomi steps out through the broken door frame. She crunches over the glass. She looks at the giant crater in the lawn. She looks at the melted shed. She looks at us.

We brace ourselves for the screaming.

"That...", Naomi whispers.

She looks at Yoshi.

"That was awesome".

We blink.

"Awesome?" Kenuji asks, adjusting his glasses. "We caused significant property damage. The structural integrity of the porch is compromised".

"You blew up a giant worm!" Naomi's eyes are shining. "You guys were like... pow! And then bam! Muji jumped so high! And Inoe was floating! And Kenuji threw the bombs!"

She runs over to Muji and checks his arm. "Are you hurt? Did the acid get you?"

"I am fine", Muji grins, preening under the attention. "I am too fast for acid".

"We have to fix the house though", Yoshi says guiltily. "Before Hajime gets home".

Naomi looks at her watch. "He is back in two hours. Can you fix a wall in two hours?"

Yoshi looks at the broken siding. He looks at the shattered glass.

"I can fix the wall", Yoshi says. "I can mold the vinyl and wood back together. It won't be perfect, but paint will hide it".

"I can fix the glass", Kenuji says. "I can reassemble the shards on a molecular level. It is tedious, but doable".

"I can... cheer you on?" Muji suggests.

"You can dig a hole to bury the slime", Inoe orders. "It smells terrible".

"Right", Muji grabs a shovel.

"I will help", Naomi says. She rolls up her sleeves. "I can paint. And I can make sure the neighbors don't see anything".

"Mrs. Tanaka saw the worm", I point out.

"Mrs. Tanaka lost her glasses last week", Naomi says. "I will tell her it was a really big badger. She hates badgers".

We get to work.

For the next two hours, we are a machine. Yoshi and Kenuji repair the house. Muji and I clean up the garden. Inoe and Naomi handle the "PR"—which mostly involves Naomi talking loudly about "wild boars" near the fence line while Inoe subtly uses mind control to make the neighbors lose interest.

By the time Hajime's car pulls into the driveway, the house looks... mostly normal. The glass is intact (if a little wavy). The wall is painted (the paint is still wet). The garden is weed-free (and flower-free, sadly).

We transform back into cats just as the front door opens.

"I am home!" Hajime calls out. "I got the good tuna!"

We run to the genkan to greet him. Naomi is already there, leaning casually against the wall to hide a paint smudge.

"Hey Dad", Naomi smiles brightly. "How was shopping?"

"Good, good", Hajime takes off his shoes. He sniffs the air. "It smells like... ozone? And wet paint? Did you guys do something?"

Naomi laughs. It is a nervous laugh, but it works.

"Oh, just some cleaning", she says. "We decided to deep clean the house. And I think Mrs. Tanaka was painting her fence".

"Ah, hardworking", Hajime nods. He looks at us. He looks at Muji, who has a tiny piece of black slime stuck to his ear.

Hajime reaches down and picks it off.

"You got something on your ear, Tiger", Hajime says. "Playing in the dirt?"

Muji meows innocently.

"Well, who is hungry?" Hajime asks, heading to the kitchen.

"Meow!" we all shout.

Naomi looks at us. She winks.

Yoshi winks back (which looks very strange on a cat).

We follow Hajime into the kitchen. The secret is safe. The monster is dead. The garden is weeded.

And we have a new ally.

Being a Guardian is hard work. But with Naomi on our team?

It might just be a little bit easier.

And way more fun.