Make or break

"Kyaa! The rain feels so weird on my head," Chika giggled as we stepped out into the rain.

"I- I can give you something if-"

"No need. It's just us, so I'm not gonna hide my smooth scalp, nor do I want to cover it up. I wanna feel what it's like to face the elements bald."

Chika really does sound bolder than before. Maybe that's why she kissed me on impulse, but, does she truly love me? Would she really stick with me if I revealed more about myself and my family? I get she got a good read on me through my writing, but I never do a full self-insert. There are just some things you keep private, you know. But now, I've got no choice.

Chika clearly loves me enough to shave off all her hair for me. That's paralleling Rie, who shaved her head to show her resolve in supporting Belinda, vowing to be her biggest cheerleader. The big difference there is Rie was Belinda's mother. Chika and I are two different people, each who grew up very different lives. Yet with how boldly she went to express how much she's into me, I feel now is the time to truly put all the chips on the table.

"Chika Tetsu- No, Chika Hanashi, do you truly love me?"

Chika smiled and cocked her head a bit to the side. "Hmm? Of course I do."

"Even though you know so little about me? Baro isn't a perfect parallel to me you know."

"I don't see any issues."

"What if I was a murderer, or harbored a belief that goes against every fiber of your existence?"

Chika chuckled and patted my shoulder. "Don't sell me short, Zane-kun. I can judge people well enough to know you're not a murderer. And even if you were, it's clear you're not a psychopath. Maybe you were forced to kill and thus became a murderer by action, not by choice."

"I see your point, perhaps this was an extreme what-if. Let me rephrase that to something a bit more realistic. What if I come from a family known for having controversial takes on various political issues?"

"Isn't that your family's problem and not yours?"

"Lineage can factor into perceptions more than you think."

"My apologies, but given my background, that's something I'm not to familiar with. I'm sure as a megafan you know, but I was raised in an orphanage and never had parents. Though I guess you could say I was family with everyone else there in a sense."

"It sounds like you really are an innocent soul."

"Well, I have some awareness to things regarding my own persons, but worldly issues have never been my thing. Do you have an interest in that sort of thing?"

"No, but just because I don't, doesn't mean I can avoid things at times. American society is obsessed with politics to a toxic fault, meaning something will get shoved in your face whether you like it or not. And where there's a society plagued by polarizing politics, there's discrimination for the simplest of things."

"What do you mean?"

I paused, physically trembling as I took a deep breath. "My father is a Mormon. So's his entire side of the family. They're pretty conservative, and if they were interviewed for a political take, well, I'll be nice and say what they'd say would probably piss off a bunch of people. I disagree with plenty of their takes, but we're still family."

"That's good then. Even though you have disagreements, you get along. It's like with Mariya. Many feel she's difficult to deal with, but we all respect her at the end of the day."

What an innocent take. Yet I decided not to share the fact and moved on to the moment I had been dreading.

"Then... there's my mother's side..."

"Hmm? What's wrong? Why do you look so nervous?"

My heart began to beat rapidly as I stared Chika directly in the eyes. I'm fully aware this practice isn't exactly smiled upon in Asian cultures, but for this, I needed to see how Chika would react. For how she did would make or break all that we've built up.

"My mother's side... is Jewish."

I watched as an expression of confusion manifested on Chika's face. "What's wrong with that?"

Innocent to a fault.

"How much do you know about Jews and Judaism?"

"Never really heard much about it."

Against my better judgement, I began informing her of many of the negative Jewish stereotypes out there along with how staunchly Jewish and conservative my mother's side of the family was. They say sometimes it's better to just keep your mouth shut, yet my anxiety wouldn't let me. Would she really want to spend the rest of her life with a Jew if she knew of all the baggage that came with the Jewish ethnicity? Said ethnicity had been the source of many of my struggles in youth, including this leg I can only limp around on.

It's not like I could control my heritage, yet to some, it matters not as regardless of if you're religious or secular, political or not, a Jew is a being worthy of hate and scorn to them. I know not what Chika thinks in her heart, yet if it's raw unbridled antisemitism, I don't care how nice she's been or that she went and shaved her head. A person that would hate me for a heretical trait I had no control of is not the person I'd want to have a relationship with.

As I finished my spiel, I once again scanned Chika's reaction. I'm well aware she's an actress and can force an expression, yet hatred and contempt are hard to hide. I know as I've seen it directed at me firsthand. The expression on Chika's face, was sadness. But is it sadness for me or sadness that I turned out to be someone she's incompatible with? Then, she spoke.

"In your story, you mention how the one that pushed Baro down was a former friend who changed schools after becoming a bitter rival. You kept things generic there and framed it as a simple bout of jealousy, but are you saying it was discrimination that motivated your former friend to shove you to the ground?"

"I believe it was both, wishing it more due to the former than the latter, but our whole falling out with each other truly took off when he learned I was Jewish. Things like, "You were a fucking Jew!? You deceived me!" And far more hurtful slurs which I'd rather not repeat were ejected forth from his mouth. The hatred I saw in his eyes for me was real. When he shoved me to the ground, I don't think he was hoping it would just injure my leg. I feel he wanted my head to split open."

"That does seem a bit extreme. Murder seems to be a step too far-"

"Perhaps it is anxiety, but every time I have nightmares of that day, I see the burning hatred and contempt from the eyes of a man that once laughed and played with me. It's traumatized me. We were like brothers, but one revelation about my lineage made him my worst enemy. It might seem outlandish, but sadly reality is often more outlandish and illogical than not," I proclaimed as I closed the distance between myself and Chika, slowly reaching out to her with my hand.

She didn't falter and stood there, allowing me to brush my hand against her face and shield her eyes from the rain with it. There I could see her tears truly were genuine. Slowly, she stretched her hand to my face, repeating the motions I had done with her.

"Zane-kun... I've never seen you look so saddened, so miserable..."

"Chika, do you really love me? If marrying me means my pushy family might insist you convert to Judaism, even if it's the bare minimum in terms of religious adherence, would you truly stick with me? Truly want to walk down a path where some might hate you simply because you fell in love with a Jew? Will you be the one that can put up with my broken state, my weird fetishes, all the anxiety I harbor within? Would you be the anchor that keeps me in bay, comforts me when I'm at my lowest, stick by me even if the entire world were to bear its fangs at me!?"

###

I've never seen Zane like this. I saw hints of sadness from him before, but this, this is an expression I'll never know the true weight behind. But what I can tell is that he truly loves me. If he didn't, he wouldn't be proclaiming to me his greatest insecurities and fears, the root of the trauma that hurt him so much. But I myself can't answer him honestly. I've still hid the fact of our first instance of me calling him by his name, kept him in the dark about the rumors the press has been circling around him. Would hiding all that count as the betrayal Zane fears so much?

I don't know, but I don't think I have much of a choice. I love Zane Doe. It matters not what family lineage he has or what his family is like. I love him. As such, I can't just respond to that impassioned confession with an immediate confession of the secrets I've been keeping. Not when his emotions are so distraught.

He's crying, crying just like I am.

"Zane-kun, I love you," I declared as I went in for a kiss, this time not on impulse, but pure love.

I don't know how long we locked lips for, but it mattered not. We both didn't want it to end. Eventually, we did end the kiss and stared directly at each other. The eyes of sorrow Zane had had now eased and become filled with joy. Now, I could get the weight off my chest.

"Zane-kun, though I might not have any family problems to worry about, I am a celebrity. As such, I'm often the attention of unsavory paparazzi, some of whom tend to post pictures of me without consent. There's likely images of me and you together out there. Would you be willing to be with me despite that?"

Zane's response came faster than I expected.

"Yes. I don't give a rats ass about that kind of stuff. Never liked the news anyway."

"No need to force yourself. There are some that will seek to destroy you at all costs."

"Then we don't let them. We flip em off and make our bond stronger and stronger."

"Now you're the one sounding innocent," I chuckled as I wiped away my tears. "One last thing; do you remember when I first asked if I could call you Zane-kun back at the studio?"

Confusion began to spread across Zane's face before he suddenly dropped his jaw in shock. "I- I thought that was just a dream!"

"My apologies, but you were so nervous then, I didn't want to bring it up, rather I feared bringing it up might ruin the good times we were having. At the studio, you looked so full of life as you gave input on things, watched your story come to life, I didn't want to risk depressing you with things like that and what the paparazzi might be saying about you."

"What are they saying about me?"

I took a deep breath and pulled up the article on my phone.

"'Subject Doe'!? Wait, they don't list my first name, do they?"

"No, but when you told me your surname was Doe, I thought they somehow found out everything there was to know about you."

"Ah, it's just that. I mean, "Doe" is kind of the generic surname for folks you don't know anything about. Sorry this weighed on you."

"I'm the one that should be apologizing."

"Maybe, but right now, I'm so happy I met a girl who's willing to stick with me even after knowing about any potential baggage a relationship with me might carry, that I'll brush aside small things like that."

"Hey, I DID shave off all this hair for you. A girl who didn't love you wouldn't even dream of the act," I laughed.

"That was before I told you everything, but thank you for that. You truly are the girl of my dreams.

And with that, Zane tilted my head up and went for the kiss himself. I closed my eyes and slowly wrapped my arms around his back, holding tight so that we'd stay together. He truly is the man of my dreams.