After Anton

That morning, even after all the commotion around the factory's 'incident', and Anton, the police concluded the investigation as fast as it had started. Nothing else came up. After that night, it was like the factory incident never occurred. Sure, I'd seen some cases go unsolved, but for the whole thing to be put under wraps after one night? That was staight-up unnatural. Apart from that, everything else that day was so strange to me. The message the Constable gave to me, before Verner showed up with the toilet paper. That same toilet paper stared at me from coffee table across me.

"Are you really Anton? "

Silence.

"If you're Anton ... roll over. "

Nothing.

Damn. Verner must have lied to me. But the stupid person here would have to be me, for believing such an obvious lie. But there was something that bothered me even more than its identity; its quality. it was unnaturally white, it was softer than anything I had ever felt, and it smelt like nothing else. Feeling it between my fingers , it was intense and brought a warm sensation to my fingers, and sturdy enough to keep their shape when I rubbed it. A slight shock went through my hand the harder i rubbed. The texture was almost skin-like to me, in a good way.

So i placed it away, out of sight, on my dresser behind my door.

«»

After all that, I needed a bathroom break. My stomach wasn't feeling right.

When I finished, I reached for the toilet roll and found nothing. Of course, the bamboo rolls I hated were gone on the one day I actually needed them—those stiff, rash-raising, downright ugly things.

I weighed my options, if only to keep myself steady, and that's when I saw it—the "Anton" roll. Clean white, absurdly soft, and infinitely better than the bamboo they insisted on calling toilet paper.

No. I couldn't trust something like that—especially not at this hour, and not from him. But,for all I knew, it could be just normal tisssue. The thought dug deeper into me the more time i gave it; what if it actually belonged to Anton? His name alone made me hesitate. Was I destroying a part of him? What if he was still alive? I told myself I could try just a small piece. It wouldn't hurt me or Anton, would it?

No. Better to get more. I could rush out and find something—anything, so i wouldnt have to use it, though the timing couldn't be worse. The decision weighed on me, my options and patience thinning by the second.

«»

I was right and wrong to use the toilet paper. True, it lived up to being the best thing I'd ever feel for the rest of my life. But now there was this forbidding feeling over me that I couldn't shake off. Unseen hands felt like they were clawing at the skin of my arms. The rooms in my apartment had a chill around them I hadn't noticed before. Like I wasn't alone. These unshakeable thoughts couldn't leave me, as they seemed to crawl beneath my skin. It was uncomfortable and unsettling, even for a single roll of toilet paper. Maybe I needed some air. I stepped out, and reluctantly stuffed the toilet paper into my bag.

Stepping out into the open was good. It felt better than being along with the roll. The noise of the outside put me at ease. Maybe fresh air was all I needed for that feeling to go away. I turned into a park. the cold metal gate scratched under my hands and I walked over to a small mellow brown bench. I relaxed into the bench. The bench reminded me of my time with Anton. When he found me, I had been abandoned rafter being released from juvie. He was the closest thing I had to a family. We did our best for each other and it made a lot worth more than it should have.

Of all the people, why did it have to be him? Would nothing ever go right for me?

I shook my head, tired at thinking of something like that. The roll shifted in my bag, my eyes unconsciously moving to it. My hands shook when I tried to pick it gently out of the bag. I loved Anton, I really did. But the roll was making me sick.

I sped through the convenience store's entrance, looking around d for a basket. A few of the staff I recognized stared at me skeptically. I didn't bother about their looks at me. It was a small town anyway. I took a basket and walked quickly to the toiletry's aisle. I reached the aisle, an put in as mint rolls as I could to fill the basket. The basket was heavy on my arm, as I walked through the shop. I came back to the aisle, and put all the toilet rolls back in different places. I unzipped my bag and put the Anton roll on the shelves. I left the basket in front of the cashier, her eyes still following me from the door. Before I left, I turned back to see a young lady pick up on if the rolls I put down. My heart ached silently, and I left the store.

I closed the door of my apartment behind me and slumped to the floor. I pulled my legs closer to my head and leaned on top of them. Was Anton really gone? With no one left to remember him but me? My chest ached at the thought of it. The one person I had, gone forever and had likely been crushed into toilet paper I had used. My head bowed lower as it ran through my mind. I was the only person who would mourn Anton.

No. I wouldn't let that happen. All of this somehow connected to Verner. He was there that night. He could have been the one controlling the police, and he had something to do with all of this. I had nothing to lose anymore. I'd burn his business down, or take him down with me.