Lesson Twenty Five: Boy Talk

The shrine kitchen had become a battlefield of preparation and unsolicited opinions.

Mutsuki had assigned the boys what he thought was a “safe and grounding” task. Prepare the nabe base. Chop vegetables (with his children-friendly magically-protected knife). Wash things. Stay occupied. Do not set anything on fire.

He shouldn’t have underestimated them.

‘So,’ Mutsuki said casually as he rolled up his sleeves, ‘tell me about your breaks. What did everyone do?’

Akashi scoffed first while slicing napa cabbage with perhaps too much enthusiasm and strength. ‘Training.’

‘Of course,’ Mutsuki smiled.

‘I went to a wedding,’ Honey said as he stirred the pot carefully with both hands. ‘My aunt married a baker. There were three cakes.’

Mutsuki brightened. ‘Oh? Was it fun?’

‘Yes!’ Honey nodded vigorously. ‘They cried a lot. Then they hugged. Then they cried again. Then they kissed.’

Mon froze mid-chop. ‘Kissed?!’

‘Like—’ Honey demonstrated by smacking his own hand loudly.

‘THAT’S ROMANTIC,’ Gon declared. ‘I will become a handsome groom and make a lot of ladies happy.’

Kojiro glanced over pointedly. ‘That’s unsanitary. And probably expensive.’

‘Weddings are about love,’ Honey insisted. ‘They promise to stay together forever.’

Mutsuki added. ‘Ideally.’

‘Sensei, have you ever been to a wedding?’

‘Several,’ Mutsuki replied. ‘Some happier than others.’

‘Did you cry?’ Mon asked with sparkling eyes.

‘Once,’ Mutsuki admitted. ‘It was very embarrassing.’

The boys gasped.

‘Sensei cried!’ Honey whispered reverently.

Kojiro rolled his eyes. ‘He’s emotional.’

‘That’s attractive,’ Gon said. ‘Crying for love is good. Sensei, will you cry when you marry Youc—‘

Mutsuki nearly dropped a carrot.

‘Anyway,’ he cut in quickly, ‘what did you think of the wedding, Honey?’

Honey beamed. ‘I want one.’

‘With who?’ Mon asked with a sly grin.

Honey thought very hard. ‘Someone nice.’

‘LAME,’ Mon said.

‘RUDE,’ Gon countered.

‘You’re rude,’ Mon shot back.

The nabe continued to bubble slowly. Steam curled up toward the rafters, carrying the comforting scent of miso and vegetables. The boys, however, had fully abandoned the concept of cooking. They were leaned against counters, sat on overturned crates, or crouched dramatically like this was a council meeting of great importance.

Akashi snorted. ‘If we’re talking about liking people, at least be honest.’

Mon leaned forward conspiratorially. ‘I think Sumire is pretty. Well, only the human form.’

Akashi blinked. ‘You’re asking to drown.’

‘Worth it,’ Mon shrugged. ‘ I have equipments in my hat to save me.’

Honey nodded solemnly. ‘Sumire is elegant.’

Kojiro sighed. ‘This conversation is going nowhere. Let’s not talk about that Kappa.’

Hearing that only spurred a mischievous Gon.

‘So,’ Gon said, ‘we’re already talking about weddings. Which means we should also talk about who we like.’

Akashi leaned back with arms crossed in pretend disinterest. He was tried to look aloof and failed miserably. He looked just like a wolf pup in Mutsuki’s vision. ‘Fine. I’ll go first.’

Everyone turned to him.

‘I like strength, so it’s gotta be Sumire,’ he said bluntly.

Mon gasped. ‘YOU’RE ASKING TO DIE.’

‘She’s strong,’ Akashi continued unfazed. ‘Smart. Bossy. Knows what she wants. If she yelled at me, I’d deserve it.’

Mutsuki muffled a nasty snicker on the back.

Honey tilted his head. ‘That sounds scary.’

‘That’s the point. Strong boys like me can approve of strong girls.’

Gon snorted. ‘I also like Sumire. She’s shiny. Like royalty shiny.’

‘You both are doomed,’ Mon said as he pouted. Maybe out of sympathy, maybe jealousy.

Earnest as ever Honey raised his hand as if it was a formal class discussion. ‘I think Meow is very cute.’

Everyone paused. Oblivious Honey continued. ‘She works really hard. And she always cleans up after herself. And she tries even when she’s scared. And when she smiles, it feels warm.’

Akashi stared at him judging. ‘That was surprisingly sincere.’

Honey smiled. ‘I would share cake with her.’

‘That’s basically a proposal in your language,’ Mon declared before he hopped up onto the counter. ‘Okay, okay. I like Rei’s face too.’

‘The ice one?’

‘Yes,’ Mon nodded. ‘She’s mysterious. That’s exciting.’

‘You like danger,’ Kojiro muttered.

‘She could freeze me and I’d say thank you,’ Mon added dreamily.

‘Forget it, you’re the danger.’ Kojiro shooked his head and went back to washing more vegetables.

Gon rolled his eyes. ‘You’re all basic.’

‘Oh?’ Akashi challenged. ‘Who do you like, oh enlightened fox?’

Gon smirked. ‘Meow. And Sumire. And Rei.’

‘THAT’S THREE,’ Mon protested as he threw some vegetable peel to Gon. This was caught by Mutsuki’s barrier.

‘I have a big heart,’ Gon said solemnly and melodramatically. One hand on his head, leaning back and all. ‘Also they’re all pretty. Like me.’

‘You’re going to get cursed,’ Akashi said.

Kojiro, who had decided to mind his own business on the far corner, can’t help joining in once more. ‘I like Youchan-sama.’

‘We know.’

Kojiro continued chopping. ‘She is kind. She smells like clean paper and sunlight. She protects Sensei without making him feel small. She brings snacks. She listens.’

Mon nodded slowly. ‘Valid.’

Gon nodded too. ‘Respectable choice.’

Honey smiled. ‘She’s very nice.’

Akashi shrugged. ‘I get it.’

Kishin spoke with small voice. ‘I think all the girls are pretty. I like all girls.’

For a moment, no one reacted. Then, one by one, heads nodded around the table, as if this were a perfectly reasonable philosophical stance.

Encouraged, Kishin continued. ‘Sensei asked what we did over the summer break… so I learned that there are different kinds of oni.’

For reasons no one could quite explain, little Kishin’s remarks made the room go very still. No one moved while he spoke. Even the bubbling of the nabe seemed to hesitate.

‘I’m a Japanese oni,’ Kishin said carefully, ‘but when my family went overseas, I met oni from other places.’

‘And?’ Gon prompted impatiently. ‘Get to the good part.’

Kishin hesitated before finally continuing.

‘They told me I don’t have to grow up as a scary oni.’ He looked up with innocent eyes. ‘They said I can become a gentle one. The kind that watches over people. The kind that helps ladies sleep peacefully at night.’

Only one person understood exactly what kind of oni that was meant to be.

Mutsuki stiffened. ‘Oh no.’

‘Don’t worry Sensei!’ Kishin pumped himself up. ‘I was told that I have a talent for making ladies lower their defences. Apparently my crying face is effective in making everyone trust me.’

‘Oh boy… Who would’ve known of all the students here, that you’d be the one breaking hearts…’ Mutsuki shook his head in disbelief.

‘Oh! And I… I made a girlfriend! She’s not from Japan. I won’t break her heart though.’

The knife slipped from Mon’s hand and clattered to the floor. Gon’s jaw fell to the ground. Honey gasped like he’d witnessed a crime.

Akashi, who had somehow missed the emotional devastation entirely, frowned in genuine confusion. ‘What? Then you don’t like any of the girls in our class?’

Kishin shrank back a little. He was flustered but answered honestly. ‘That’s not what I meant…’

He hesitated, then spoke faster, like he needed to get it all out before courage abandoned him. ‘I mean… Sumire is elegant. Meow is gentle. Rei is quiet but strong. Youchan-sama is kind. Even Shigure-sensei is… um… scary pretty.’

The silence that followed was profound. The nabe boiled over and bubbled. So did Mon and Gon’s jealousy. Mon’s eye twitched. Gon stared at Kishin as if reassessing reality itself.

Then Mon whispered, ‘The quiet ones are always the worst.’

Kishin blinked innocently. ‘Huh?’

Mutsuki stood slightly to the side with his hand over his mouth. He was completely entertained.

‘Sensei’s laughing,’ Gon whispered.

‘He’s enjoying this,’ Mon realized.

A dangerous realization for the boys to make.

Gon’s ears perked. ‘Sensei.’

Mutsuki turned his back on the students as if sensing the pending doom falling over him. ‘Hm?’

‘Who do you like?’

Shit. The knife in Mutsuki’s hand stopped mid-air.

‘Ah,’ he said. ‘No.’

‘YOU HAVE TO ANSWER,’ Mon declared.

‘It’s only fair,’ Honey added. ‘We answered.’

‘I only asked what you did for summer.’

Akashi warmed his knuckles. ‘Democracy.’

Kojiro narrowed his eyes. ‘This is a trap.’

Mutsuki laughed nervously. ‘I’m your teacher.’

‘And a human,’ Gon said sweetly. ‘Humans like ranking beauty.’

‘Sometimes,’ Mutsuki said.

‘VOTE,’ Mon shouted.

Before Mutsuki could escape, they were already at it.

‘YOUCHAN!’ Honey yelled instantly.

‘Obviously,’ Akashi agreed.

Mutsuki’s ears turned red.

Kojiro paused. ‘She is suitable.’ And added, ‘but not for Mutsuki-sensei’

‘Oh? Then Rin!’ Gon added brightly. ‘The food lady!’

Mutsuki made a strangled noise. ‘She’s married.’

‘Still counts!’ Mon argued.

‘Shigure!’ Akashi said with a grin. ‘She’s scary but hot.’

Mutsuki choked.

Kojiro glared. ‘She is loud.’

‘Maria!’ Mon shouted.

Silence. Only the slow bubbling of the boiling nabe could be heard, followed by chaos.

‘NO.’

‘ABSOLUTELY NOT.’

‘YUCCCKKK’

‘SHE’S YOUR—’

‘SHE’LL KILL YOU.’

‘STONE HIM,’ Gon yelled. He pelted Mon with a carrot. Some others followed suit. Mutsuki had to manifest a barrier catching the ingredients before they fell to the ground.

‘HEY!! Some families marry cousins!’ Mon protested.

‘THAT DOES NOT HELP,’ Mutsuki cried in his hands.

‘Focus!’ Mutsuki said. He clapped his hands to snap everyone back. ‘We are preparing for a small get together, not wedding reception.’

Vegetables flew. Opinions clashed. The pot nearly boiled over.

Mutsuki lost it.

A soft giggle escaped him at first. Then another. Then his shoulders started shaking. He turned away, pressing his hand to his mouth, but it was too late. He was full-blown laughing. The boys froze from their war, then slowly turned toward him.

‘Sensei,’ Gon said softly.

Mutsuki wiped at his eyes. ‘I’m sorry. I just— you’re all— this is—’

‘HE’S LAUGHING AT US,’ Mon accused.

‘GET HIM,’ Akashi declared.

They swarmed him instantly.

Honey hugged his leg. Akashi poked his side. Mon and Gon restrained one arm each. Kojiro stared judgmentally. Kishin apologized while also being part of the pile.

‘Sensei likes romance!’ Mon teased.

‘Sensei’s ears are red!’ Gon added.

‘I am not!’ Mutsuki protested. No one was convinced. Not even himself.

The nabe bubbled merrily behind them, completely unattended.

From the doorway, Youchan paused with arms full of grocery bags. She watched the scene with a fond smile.

‘…I’ll give them a few more minutes,’ she murmured and ushered the girls back.

Laughter echoed from inside the kitchen.

For Mutsuki, being surrounded by children arguing about love like it was the most important thing in the world, felt like love itself.