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KENSHIN

"Why is she here?"

I ask myself,trying to rein in a little too fast for comfort.
I can't let her see me like this,she already is far away and being like this will not get her to feel safe enough to stay with me.

She only rings the doorbell the once and lingers.Her eyes slowly taking in the large empty home and is amazed.
She almost looks like an angel to me but her eyes are so puffed up it scares me.

Did something else happen?

"Why are you asking that.....She told you to let go,basically to stay away so why are you asking?You know better than that.It will only hurt you to linger and..."

Shut up.

My argument with myself gets punched,I wipe my face as dry as I can with my sleeve then reach the handle with only a moments pause before I open it up.

Why does she have to look like that,have eyes like that and expect me to let her go?
It hurts and it heals at once all of that in just a moment of time that goes by too fast.

There she stands before me,cool wind blowing her hair all around her face like an ad for shampoo and her eyes are like small orbs containing the rarest gem to find in life that I want to have so much but am given only half of the time by her.
 It hurts no matter how hard I try to convince and will myself to not be hurt by it.

"Hi."

Her word is softly spoken and so is her expression to match.

What do I say back?
I am not exactly in the best mood for company and I want her here but if only she will really be here and not just a brief interlude of her affection to leave in just as quick a time.

No.

So I ask softly.

"Why are you here, Yukihana?"

I can tell the question,gently asked cut her but what am I to do?
I need her and I have told her noting else or done anything else otherwise to prove any different.

I love her and adore her as a prized gem worthy of every bit of love I can offer her,flawed as it is but it is all of it hers.

I need to know why.
On a few things but just this right now.

"Why are you here?"

Her eyes go low and away for a too long string of moments that I am fighting to stop prematurely but this is my turn to ask and to refrain,she switches from foot to foot building a bit of courage to be the heroine that she refuses to fully embrace to it's brilliance.

Her unaware of it,brilliance.

"I couldn't leave you like this,alone.I can't let the other half of me be so much in pain and nowhere to put it...I want to be here with you Kenshin,for you."

This heart of mine.
Don't let yourself relax until you hear those words.

"Are you staying?Really staying or just....visiting?"

It is so fast I can't even balance myself.

She is in front of me,her arms around my waist and I have my hands in the air stunned by so quick an outburst,especially by her who rarely uses her arms to get a hold of me.
Those fingers of hers do more than an effective job of keeping me in place and from falling down though.

"I can't go if you are here,can't stay if you are not.No matter how scared of what I thought might happen I couldn't go anywhere else from that fact....We are meant to be,if somehow we end up wrong then we will deal with that then,I want to stay,if you will let me I won't go either...."
"Are you still afraid?"

I ask her but,pushing her gently forward since she has her head in my chest and I look her in the eyes.
I can't breathe one way or another without knowing one way or another.

"Do I look afraid?"

I don't really think I can smile but I pull her back towards me,I smell the apple shampoo in her hair and feel how soft it is as I rest my chin on her head.
I tighten my hold on her and she laughs softly like the wind has carried it a long way to reach me here.

"I am not going anywhere,let me breathe a little."
"You are a little bird that flew away for a time and I would like to keep you close to see you fly with me,for now though I am a bit grounded but I have your words you are staying so I am holding on for as long as I can."

The light jest is enough for now,I just barely release my grip to step back and let her in,not for a second letting go.
Not for a second.


YUKIHANA

I follow him inside and time seems to have slowed for me.

I hear him tell me to be careful of any fallen items that emergency workers may have dropped and I do not miss out on how hoarse his voice is,or how puffy his eyes are now.

My heart wants to pour out happiness that I am here with him but also that this house  feels so like he does.

Lost.

He leads me to the kitchen after i tell him I heard his stomach growl four times,he relents to anything I say right now just happy,so happy he seems to be that I am here but not a smile in sight and I do not suppose he will smile again for some time yet.

I give him some leftovers I brought,watch him eat halfheartedly and see that in his expression something that I did not notice that I should have had the entire time we were together.

He is tired.
So,so tired.

I never even really thought about it because I was busy obsessing over the fear of being what we were not that I did not really think about him while he thought of me constantly.

"I always had no luck at these..."

I mutter,taking a small puzzle out of my backpack of cherry blossoms and samurais and begin working on it.
We are both on the floor in front of a low table,he is behind me with his long legs stretched around each side of me while one arm holds my waist and the other a puzzle piece or two that I 'misplace'.

"Was it...bad?"

His just wags his head in the negative,I am putting more pieces in place and listen to him breathing against my neck as he puts his head on my shoulder.

"How did you know what happened?"
"He called me,your Grandfather just before...He wanted me here.Even before he called I felt like I needed to come but I did not know what to do so I was typing away then he called...A spirited man,your Grandfather."

He nods on my shoulder,I see from the corner of my eyes that his smile is returning a little.

"He told me that even though they were almost at the point of full hospitalization that they ran out of here the day we had met again by the park to see who I was so smitten by.He said I was aiming high and aiming where if I anger you,I will get kicked very hard very low..."

I think it is so funny that I of all people would be thought of as 'Aiming high'.

But just the thought of this exchange is seeming to relieve Kenshin,he feels so heavy in spirit and I try to comfort him with words but I realize now that is not what he wants.

I feel him holding me with both arms now,a gently tight squeeze and feel warm tears starting to fall on my shoulder blade.

I just put my hands onto the arm I first can grab and use my fingers to caress his arm while he begins to weep softly,his voice that was hoarse before is becoming worse but I can not let the tide stop either until he is ready for it too.

Twenty minutes later he is asleep with his head still in place on my shoulder and I lean back into his chest and feel....

At home.