Umbrella

"Kiiiiiiiiiiyeeeeeeeh!!"

A beam of light shoots out of my finger, lighting up the purple sunset skies and... narrowly missing its target as it strikes the ground beside the nearby yakitori restaurant. Jumpy little bastard-- I'm trying to avoid collateral, dammit. Despite managing to dodge me, they let out a scream, catching the attention of the passing locals. That kind of shrill scream always gets on my nerves. I know you yokai love to fight for your lives, but we're in the middle of the country. Could you at least be bothered to die peacefully?

"Truth be told, I thought I had the perfect hiding spot! ...B-but I suppose you're more clever than me, here..."

I shoot an incredulous glare. "An umbrella stand."

"Y-yes?"

"You're twice the size of a normal umbrella."

"And?"

"...You have two legs."

"W-well, maybe I'm an umbrella meant to be held by couples! You don't know!"

I point my finger, ready for another blast of energy.

"Oh no you don't! Taaake thiiiiiiis!!"

I stand my ground, cautious. This yokai's low-level, so I'm not exactly scared here, but I've learned from experience that you can never be too careful. Quickly, he lunges at me, stopping a hairs-breadth short of my face...

...before licking me with his oversized tongue.

...

...

"What was that meant to do, exactly?"

The kasa-bake looks at me, mortified that its trick didn't seem to work.

"I-it was supposed to instill fear in you! Traumatize you, or something, I don't know!"

"...Really. Well, all it did was make me need to wipe my face-- so, thanks for that." I respond, unamused as I use my sleeve as a substitute for a handkerchief.

"D-d-did they strip you of your emotions in your training or something?!"

I snort. "No-- you're just not the first umbrella demon I've dealt with. That whole licking thing loses its effect after your fifth time."

"Y-you mean you've..." He trails off, stammering as he starts backing away from me. "Get back from me, you monster! I-I have a kid...!!"

They always say that. I sigh, readying my finger to fire once more. Energy forms around the tip of my finger, growing bigger and bigger before shooting off into a beam at the demon.

!!

They... roll away from the blast?

"G-guess sympathy doesn't work on a pig like you, then!" He kicks himself into the air, launching away from me before charging again. This time it looks like he's trying to impale me with the tip of his body. That's new-- I guess I'm getting a bit careless.

I pivot to the side, not exactly wanting to become a human yakitori today. Then, I grab the creature by the legs, pulling him back before he can even think of escaping.

"Ghhaaaahhh!!!!"

What a nuisance. "Any last words?"

"H-how polite..." His voice is coated in sarcasm. He spits in my general direction. "I hope you catch on fire and burn to death, asshole."

And with that, I fire one last energy beam.

The umbrella demon's body jerks and rattles, before ultimately falling limp. I sigh, taking out a cigarette and lighting it with my finger. Then, as I exhale smoke, I tap the lobe of my ear to radio back to base.

"DUSK here. Just dealt with the kasa-bake by the yakitori restaurant. Requesting a clean-up unit."

"Cleaner Unit 126 here. On my way. Say, mind getting me some skewers in the meantime? I'll cover the costs when I get there~"

How the hell am I supposed to order when I need to watch over the--

"...Yeah, sure."

...

My eyes look to the lifeless creature at my feet.

I was trying to be polite, for what it's worth. Just because I'm a yokai hunter doesn't mean I'm above empathy. It's just...

An older gentleman walks up to me, chuckling as he notices me standing awkwardly beside the yokai corpse. "I'm thankful every day for people like you, officer. I'd be scared to let my daughter walk to school with these vile creatures wandering our streets if not for your hard work."

I stiffly force a laugh, not wanting to make the situation any more awkward. "You're welcome sir. I'm just doing my job." I bow politely, seeing them off so as to not disturb the scene.

Okay... back to trying to figure out ordering food. I could leave this thing here and order, but that would be going against standard procedure. And I know 126 isn't going to be happy if they show up and there's no food waiting for them-- another irritating situation I'd also prefer to avoid.

Do I-

...Do I just take it in with me and order??

No-- what the fuck? No. That's stupid.

...

I look to the entrance of the restaurant. Then back to the dead yokai. Then back to the restaurant.

I feel like a fucking dumbass for almost considering it.

With a sigh, I take out my phone, pulling up the location on a delivery app. This is so stupid. But I can't think of anything else. At least I know 126's usual order, so I don't have to worry about that. I'll just have to give a big tip to the driver, and...

...

...

After a few minutes of waiting, I see the driver pull into view. Scraggy dark hair, looks about my age, probably younger. He enters, only making passive glances in my direction.

Then, after a few minutes, he exits, food in tow as he enters his car. Checking his phone, he pauses...

...before getting back out of their car, confusedly looking around before their gaze falls upon me once more.

I wave awkwardly.

"This... is yours, officer?"

"Mmm."

"Why... did you need me to order for you?"

I gesture to the dead yokai.

"An... umbrella?" He looks confused.

"It's a yokai."

...I don't think I'm convincing him.

"Just..." I reach over to take the bag. "I'll take this, thank you."

He nods-- still unable to make sense of the situation. "W-well, thank you for the tip, officer. Means a lot. And uh, thank you for your service...?"

I nod, giving a more half-assed bow as he sets off.

Eventually, 126 comes along, relieving me from the awkward situation of standing beside a corpse with food. The two of us share yakitori together, with me pretending to listen to their idle chatter all throughout. After all that's over, I retreat to my car, making a quick stop by my apartment.