Fan reaction

In a cozy little basement, I, the humble Chester... the chad, reside. I am what you would call a stan. And me being the stan I am, have eyes for just one woman, Chika Tetsu. I own all relevant merch, follow all her accounts, and naturally, anything that reports on her, big or small. As the stan general of Chika, it's my duty to keep her the pure angel that she is via my keys. Keyboard keys.

Look, it's hard enough to move all this blubbery flab to the bathroom. I can't be following her like legendary Chika superfan, Ladyloveainttrash.

Getting back to business, we might have a new threat to the Chika-verse, Subject Doe. This guy's clearly foreign, but has only been caught with Chika once, once for sure that is. The others were quick to dismiss it as just a little fanservice because I mean, Chika Tetsu recognizing a fan while in line for something? Yeah, she'd trade food, no question.

But I'm not like the others. I spend all my life points browsing the web, gaining immeasurable knowledge. Looking at the image of Subject Doe at the arcade with that girl, that's Chika. I have free time 24 hours a day, so it's easy for me to find the time to cross check images with AI. And that girl had about a 45% match to Chika, and anything that high means she's the real deal.

But then, there isn't really anything else. Ruma Mill went quiet for weeks, and since they're the only ones following Subject Doe, that means no new developments. What? Why patronize Ruma Mill? I mean, they saved Chika from doing drugs. Some bad influence had clearly corrupted her, but Ruma Mill? They saved her by catching her and now she's back to normal. The others don't get that being a stan doesn't equal blind faith. You gotta keep Chika pure to the image she's branded herself as, cuz that's the Chika we stan for.

Now I said Ruma Mill had been quiet, but that all changed last night. Subject Doe was caught entering a hotel by the looks of it with some baldy showing off some skin. Speculation says it's either a real bald girl or a crossdresser, but I, Chester the chad, ask IS this "baldo" really bald? We live in an era where makeup can make you look like anything, and considering Chika's rich, she can easily afford the makeup. Yes, I think that "Baldo" is Chika Tetsu.

It's perfect! No one would think of guessing some bald bimbo would actually be the great Chika Tetsu, but I'm not "no one", I'm Chester THE chad. I've got all the time to cross check-"

"OI CHIAKI! GET YOUR FAT ASS UP HERE FOR DINNER!"

Oh, dread. It's the wrinkly old hag. Yes, she's my mother, but she's all wrinkly and old. If only she was hotter, I'd obey her with more glee. Why couldn't she be an elf? Then at 80-

"YOUR HEARING GOING AT 50, YOU SHIT!? I'LL CALL FOREMAN SAKU TO HAUL YOUR ASS UP!"

No, anyone but him!

"C- Coming..."

Seems I'll have to face the stairs before I can submit my theory... No, maybe having Saku carry me up like he always does is better. I can flop down the stairs just fine, it's climbing up that's the problem. Plus... it gives me more time at my computer! Win-win!

"Call Saku! I can't climb the stairs!"

{}{}{}

My name is Benji. I'm a slave to the education system. Ever since birth, I've been forced to devote my life to "education", unable to enjoy my youth as adults forced me to comply with the tyranny of the schools. I thought I'd be done with this vile system after high school, but no, there's college! And I have to sacrifice over 4 years of my life to this place just to get the degree I need to go into law!

What's the point!? I've memorized the law as well as all the landmark cases, yet I'm forced to waste time and energy listening to teachers regurgitate what I already know. My only semblance of sanity is Chika Tetsu.

Oh, sweet Chika. She's the goddess that shown me on the path towards law. For it was after hearing of her scandal with that VILE tabloid, a case I don't know how she lost other than the possibility of a terrible prosecution attorney and/or backroom pressure. Thus, I'll get my law degree and become her personal lawyer. Genius as I'll be able to knight for her and be close by her side. Maybe she'd even fall for me completely... Ah, so far away, yet I'm such an attractive mate for her. Just 4 more years, then I'll sweep you off your feet!

Though now, I have a new migraine, Subject Doe. He was brought to the forefront by Ruma Mill, so that right there should put all worries to rest, yet my mind won't let it go. Could some nobody really seduce my Chika? No. It must be more of Ruma Mill's nonsense.

Other like-minded individuals agree that man must simply have been a fan that got a memorable moment with Chika. I mean, looking at the man, he's say, early 30s, probably married. Chika's not so ignorant as to fall for a married man. Affairs are against everything she represents! Purity. Purity like the nuns that raised her in the orphanage. Hmm, perhaps Chika as a nun would be for the greater good. Yes, my heart would cry terribly, but Chika Tetsu must remain pure forever more. Thus, as she transitions to nun-hood, I'll be there to handle all legal worries. After all, a saint always travels with a companion as they themselves are too holy to deal out punishments.

Unable to put up with the drivel of the buffoon claiming he's educating us, I pulled out my phone and began browsing the web. What I saw made my heart stop.

"Ch- Chika Tetsu goes "bald" to avoid attention and make out in secret with Subject Doe at hotel"!? No, never jump to conclusions. You're a lawyer, not a tabloid. This is coming from "Chester da chad", a well-known fanatic who believes Ruma Mill's slander of Chika "saved her". As far as I'm concerned, he might as well be Ruma Mill's chief editor. Certainly not a man risking a heart attack over.

"Rage-bait. I don't believe a word of this mouthpiece's venom," I typed in response.

[][][]

Staring at my phone, I scowled as I watched messages pop up in real-time.

"Stop loitering around! I want those papers filed!" the middle-aged man that's sadly my boss shouted at me.

With little choice, I returned to my cubicle.

My name is Saeko Hashida. I'm an office worker. Single, living alone, barely making minimum wage despite how much work the boss forces on me. And if I try to talk back, my job security is at risk. I hate this place. I hate my life. The only thing I don't hate completely is Chika Tetsu.

That woman breaths life to many of the anime that keep me sustained, though I feel she's sadly a bit of a pushover. That ridiculous scandal with the sugar should have been open and shut slander, but somehow, Ruma Mill won the case, or at least managed to settle something. How the hell could a tabloid win? No, perhaps the answer is simple; they've got big backing.

I mean, that's the only conceivable way. You have money and power, you can do anything. I hate those people. Now it looks like they're trying to slander Chika again. Looks like she's getting a boyfriend and might've shaved her head. Hope it's true. There's no one I respect more than a woman that gives society the finger.

"Chika, strut out with your boyfriend and bald head with pride, and tell Ruma Mill to go fuck itself."

+=+-+=+-+=+

"All may rise."

The other lambs slowly rose from their kneeling positions, sitting upward as I led them in sermon.

I am Homura, leader of the Church of Chika, a church dedicated to worshipping our lord and savior, Chika Tetsu. All Chika does is sacred. All Chika does must be praised. Any lifestyle choices Chika advocates for, we follow without question.

The mouth of Chika is all we obey, yet Ruma mill likens itself to her proxy. BLASPHAMOUS! We only listen to Chika herself!

Though channeling the merciful nature of our goddess, Chika, it appears they do not explicitly state this... "Baldo" is actually Chika. As much as it pains me to admit, I'm unable to tell based on stature alone if that really is Chika. Rather, "Chester the chad" appears to be pushing the narrative that "Baldo" is Chika. We will wait until Chika herself decries judgement.

"Oh great Chika Tetsu, the church awaits your holy decree. Should you have sheared thy head of hair, we, your loyal lambs, shall shed our heads of hair, posthaste! Your words and actions are LAW!"

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Seeing all the replies come in... Mariya was right. And worse, I'm stuck here in Zane's room. If I get caught, everything's over.