14. the saga of Ishida the evil

Slowly, like a mimosa, I retrieved my hand. Connie’s huge, slitted eyes were fixated on the stone. He said, “There must be a mistake. Please put your hand over the stone again.”

I didn’t.

“Ishidaseishin–please do it.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m telling you.”

I did. I was going to obey anyway, but I liked Connie better when he got mad. It was funny, and it felt cathartic, somehow. When the stone glowed yellow again, Connie scratched his non-existing chin, shook his head, then said, “Not a single soul ought to know about this.”

No need to tell me twice. Out of all things, a homicidal furry… seriously… “Is this uncommon?”

“No theriantrope assignment has been recorded, and as far as I’m concerned, this trend will remain.”

…I had no idea what to make of that answer. Did that mean I’d get sent back? Killed? That in all of their time summoning schoolkids to do their dirty laundry, no one had ever been assigned as ‘theriantrope’?

Aside from Hisui flashing me (twice), this day sucked. This whole thing sucked. School sucked less, because at least it ended. In Korova, even if I jumped off a cliff, I’d ‘respawn’. I was stuck being a catgirl with no magic. A metaphorical one, thank fuck.

I had to calm down.

“There we go,” Connie said. “Slow breaths.”

I nodded.

“We’ll tell the rest that your species is ‘turtle’. How about that?”

“...turtle? What?”

Connie pointed at his shell.

“No, I know, but…” I trailed off. “Whatever.” Better to be a turtle than a homicidal furry. I glanced at the stone, which had gone back to its void-like state. “But, um, wouldn’t there be some kind of… record? Or something like that…”

“Correct, but I’m the one writing the report.”

Which meant that he’d just blatantly lie about it. “Are theriantropes that bad?” I asked.

Connie hopped over to the stone, adjusting it. “No such thing as good or bad.”

“Bullshit.”

There it was, that dumb fake ‘smile’. “It’s not bullshit. To Igasu, they are the villains. To theriantropes, humans are.”

“Why don’t you report me, then?”

“Because you’re under my care.”

“And?”

“And…” Connie hopped towards the exit of that inky, dreadful room. “You’re not as bad as you think you are, Ishidaseishin.”

I was thinking about scaring him so he’d retreat into his shell, so I could kick it and watch it bounce around the room like a certain racing game. Instead, I followed after him. Those words were, almost certainly, meaningless peasantry. I knew this, yet they helped.

You’re not as bad as you think you are.

They helped.

Seconds after leaving the room, the girl who kept asking about everyone’s species assaulted us. “Hiii!” was her war cry. “What did you get?”

What did she care?

“I got dark fairy!”

That sounded like a Pok–eherm, a certain type of fictional creature. Once it became apparent that I wouldn’t respond, she stopped chasing us, or perhaps she’d just found a new victim. “Dark fairy,” Connie mumbled. “Interesting.”

As opposed to…

“There you are!” Amidst the sea of schoolkids-turned-sacrificial-lambs, Hisui jumped. “Hiii! Ishidaaa! What did you get?”

Aoko and Yukimura sat on the giant coconut again, with Hisui hopping next to them. I shrugged, looking away, because… quite honestly, I couldn’t tell if ‘turtle’ was worse than ‘theriantrope’ when people were going around turning into dark fairies.

“I got wood fairy.”

“Snow fairy,” Yukimura mumbled.

I wondered what kind of fairy Aoko would get. As if on cue, she informed me, “Turtle.”

“Lame,” Yukimura said. “All of us are so lame. What did you get, huh? Demon fairy?”

I could tell he was pissed because he was actually talking to me. Had I’d been a different type of person and I would’ve told him not to worry, that we could all be ancient half-demon high elf god reincarnations if we truly believed in ourselves. “Turtle,” I said. The third best thing to happen to me aside from Hisui’s panty shots and Connie’s meaningless pleasantries was to see Yukimura seethe because he couldn’t insult me without tearing Aoko down as well.

“A snow fairy, a wood fairy, and two turtles,” Connie said, rubbing his non-existing chin again. “I wonder what the remaining member shall become.”

“A fairy?” Asked Yukimura.

“It’s likely, yes. The pool of available species is, as far as I’m concerned: snow fairies, wood fairies, dark fairies, light fairies, flame fairies, turtles, dragonkin, wyvern, Igasu. Ah, and meat fairies.”

“What.”

“Being an Igasu would’ve been cute,” Aoko said, then glanced at me with a watery smile. “Glad to see I’m not the only… turtle.”

“Yeah.” I tried to say something else, but my tongue stopped working. It was a good thing that we didn’t actually adopt a species’s physical traits, or else… I didn’t even want to think about it.

A red, winged Igasu flew into the chamber. For obvious reasons, this attracted everyone’s attention. She (I’d learned to tell them apart because males had longer tails) hovered above the room, blowing an iridescent horn until everyone shut up. “Outlanders!” She called out. “Congratulations on becoming Korovan. Now that your species has been assigned, you’re almost ready for your first quest!” The room cheered. “Your third and final trial awaits. Now armed with a starting element and identity, this test won’t be to fight as a group just yet, but to test your individual worth.”

Connie visibly cringed. Not good.

“You will be separated according to species, then tested to find your individual strengths and weaknesses. If you don’t get one of the top ranks, don’t fret! After all, this is just the beginning.”

Not good at all.

“My name is Moonie, and I will be testing all flame fairies. Follow me!”

“Hey, why doesn’t her name end in -onnie?” Asked Yukimura.

Connie and I exchanged glances.

“Connie?”

“Ah, forgive me. She’s from a different village.”

A multicolor tree emerged in the middle of the room so fast that the poor loser standing there flew across the room like a shuriken. Upon landing, they gave the worried onlookers a thumbs-up, though. “Calling all wood fairies!” Said the Igasu who spawned this hazard.

Hisui stretched, arching her back, fingers entwined above her head. Flat… “That’s me! Can I go, Connie?”

“Go ahead. Good luck, Sakurahisui.”

“I won’t need it.” She skipped into the crowd.

Sighing, Yukimura hopped off the coconut. “I’ll go wherever the… fucking snow fairies are. Seriously… couldn’t even be a dark fairy…” He tucked his face further into the scarf before wrapping the cape around himself, thus vanishing amidst the sea of fellow fairies.

I knew Aoko was looking at me, but if I looked back, bad things would happen. “...so, Ishida…”

…so, Aoko…

“Turtles, huh…”

Yes…

“Turtles are very resilient creatures,” Connie informed. “No wonder your shield was so strong, Kawakamiaoko. No wonder your… attacks are so efficient, Ishidaseishin.”

Because I was a homicidal furry, yeah.

Aoko said, “I’m just glad we don’t have to go through that trial alone. I’m sure Sakura will be fine, but Isami isn’t very good with crowds. He can be really shy once you see through his, um, antics.”

Yeah, very shy. I shared classes with him. He hung out with guys who extorted students for money, but that was a story for another day.

For now, I’d have to pretend to be a… turtle… and get tested as such.

“Calling all turtles!”

“Ah, our turn.” Aoko slid off the coconut. “Let’s go, Ishida.”

When I turned to Connie for help, he smiled. Stupid rabbit chimera thing. “Best of luck, Kawakamiaoko, Ishidaseishin. Please remember that a low ranking does not equate to weakness. For the most part, we use it to gauge a roster’s general strength. We send groups to different missions depending on their results. With a snow fairy and a tur–two turtles, it’s likely that we’ll be sent on a reconnaissance mission.”

“Sounds fun,” Aoko told me, and I nodded. There was a pause. It was painful, and I wanted to dissolve. “...w-well, let’s go.”

As we did, Connie rolled the coconut out of the room.

So… she wouldn’t bring the squabble we had at the dining room, would she? Smart, but it didn’t make things any less awkward. Even Yukimura would’ve been better; we would’ve just ignored each other as usual.

Don’t talk to me.

Don’t talk to me.

Don’t talk to me.

The creature supervising turtle outlanders was, in a shocking turn of events, not a turtle. However, she wasn’t Igasu, either, but a dragonkin. There were about fifteen of us–fourteen of them. Our meeting spot was at the edge of the arena. Our seats were giant, empty turtle shells. Morbid, but sure. “Hi,” she greeted. “I’m Surin. Does anyone want to introduce themselves? No, right? Great. First test: turn your seat into a portal by putting it on. Bonus points if you can paint it with the color of your starter element. Just think of the color and it should work. Don’t scream once you teleport. Thanks.”

The first girl to slide on the turtle screamed, “Light!” then poofed out of existence.

This disturbed the other turtles, so Surin said, “That’s normal. She’s fine. This is timed, so the longer you take, the lower your score will be.”

Aoko stared at the floor, wide-eyed. Come to think of it, she hadn’t had the best experiences with teleportation. As for me, the shell was disgustingly heavy. While others were able to slide it and ‘hop’ into it, I had to pull it up, slide into it, then push until the ‘head’ faced up. By the time I managed to do it, I was almost panting. There were only four of us left, Aoko included.

“A…” I cleared my throat. “Kawa… um. You can do it?”

Her smile was faker than my parroted advice. “Yeah. I just get a bit… nauseous is all.”

“We have medicine for that,” Surin said. “Hurry up. You’re close to reaching the penalty limit.”

“You can go ahead, Ishida. You don’t have to wait for me or anything…”

What poor Aoko didn’t know was that I wasn’t being altruistic. Oh, well. Might as well exploit that. “I will once you do,” I said.

“...ehhh…”

There were only three of us left. By then, Surin had her arms crossed, slitted eyes narrowed. “We’re officially under the penalty limit. The three of you have lost all points, and will continue to lose them from the next round the longer you take.”

The other kid–the guy who’d stared at me earlier–finally hopped into the shell. With a gasp, he poofed from existence. Aoko winced. “I-Ishida, I’m serious. You should go. Don’t worry about me.”

I said nothing.

“Please.”

Still nothing.

“...ugh. I hate this.” It was with this declaration that she tossed the shell onto herself. “Come on. At the count of three. Two. One.”

She poofed.

I did not, for I was no turtle, nor did I have any element.

“What is it?” Surin grumbled. “Your friend left already. What’re you waiting for?”

What a great thing it was to have a shell to retreat into. Should I act haughty or scared? Or both? “I-I don’t… I quit?”

“Huh?”

“I won’t do it.”