A kitsune's fear

Hang out after work with my subordinates? Stay at the office? Going to work elsewhere? How could I think about doing such things now? How could I leave my beloved mother alone at night? Who would take care of her? I'd never dare to do something as abhorrent as that. I'd rather die than let anyone else be with her at night, much less at home. I'm feeling sick just thinking about it. I should stop before it is too late.

I pick up a kitchen knife with my right hand.

Just look at her, a beautifully aged woman, as if even time softened his temper with her beauty, just to look at her a little longer. But there shouldn't be a misunderstanding. She will age, eventually. Only artificial beauty never withers, like plastic flowers against real ones. Even so, I will continue to love her with all my heart, forever. My love shall never fade away, even in death.

I approach my mother.

Sadly, even when I'm so close to her, she doesn't look at me. I always speak to her up front, and then she sees me with those distant eyes that she always has, giving vague answers to my words. I can't even tell if what I say does reach her. It hurts me so badly seeing her slowly eating, not putting almost any effort into each bite while she uses her chopsticks in a clumsy way. Sometimes, I even have to help her eat. I have hope one day she will truly see me, but today, as always, she doesn't.

I raise the knife, aiming at Mother.

Even now, when I'm about to stab her, she doesn't concern herself with my presence.

…

Stab her?

I quickly recover my senses, feeling as if I had been asleep all this time. Without time to think, I see the knife reaching for Mother, so I grab my right wrist with all the strength I have, stopping the attack from landing. And even so, she didn't bother to look.

Why? Why, Mother? Why, even now, are you not looking? But, even more importantly, why was I doing this? Had I lost it? How did my arm move against my own, unique, and dear mother? It makes no sense for me to even think about—

COULD YOU BE QUIET? I can't stand it anymore. I'm going crazy! Also, can you let my arm free? It hurts.

There is a voice in my head. Maybe I really had lost it. What should I do about it? Is it just my arm that is dangerous? Or is it I? Maybe I'll need to put it to the test tearing my arm off.

Tear it off? Gross! Let me out.

Translucid light orbs leave my body and materialize as a fox-like creature on the floor.

Is it a kitsune? I really don't like them. Had I been manipulated by such a creature or am I just going mad? I have to make sure I don't do anything more against Mother.

"What are you?" I say with a firm, cold voice.

"A kitsune, as any Japanese could tell."

The kitsune's tail was swaying.

"What do you want?"

"Fufufu~ You've got nerve. Or is it obsession? Either way, you could be the scariest human I've ever met, or at least the craziest. Not that I usually get to know many humans." The kitsune made a disgusting little laugh before continuing. "I want a shelter. I don't currently have a place to stay. But don't worry, now that you saw me, I'll leave."

"What does that have to do with you wanting to kill my mother?"

"You see, yokai like me don't show themselves for the human view. Many of us evade being seen or live far away, and even so, most humans cannot see us to begin with."

"Then, why are you showing before me? Also, I'm seeing you."

"It is your fault. You were going to tear your arm off while I was possessing you! It would've hurt. A lot. Worse, as you say, you can see me now." The fox made a cute, brief sound, followed by a mean look.

Is it trying to make me lower my guard?

"Is it that weird I can see you?"

"Being able to resist a fox possession is unheard of. On top of that, you can see me. Two extremely rare traits in one woman. Truly a disaster." The fox sighed, looking exhausted, and then muttered, "I guess my luck is truly over by now."

Since when did kitsune possess people? I've read they were shapeshifters or tricksters. Although I don't think this kitsune could trick me even if it gave its all.

"And why did you want to possess me? You could've just shapeshifted."

I wonder whether I should have softened my voice, but this animal tried to kill Mother, so I decide not to do so.

"Shapeshift? Where did you hear such lies? Only a nine-tailed kitsune could do something like shapeshifting, and it is so rare I assure you there's no more than one in all of Kyoto."

A surging idea strikes me immediately.

"Only one?"

My voice went deeper.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes? Kind of."

"Kind of or sure? It can't be both."

"Yes! I'm sure. Stop asking."

The kitsune crept out for a moment.

I have it.

I make a quick move and take the pathetic wild fox by its neck. One hand was all I needed. It is so scared.

I knew it! I've been watching it carefully for this situation. Even trying, it is unable to get away—it's so weak. That's why it possessed me. But I won't strangle it, at least not by now. I have questions for it.

"So, this is what this was."

The kitsune doesn't answer. It just stares at me, scared.

"You came here to finish its job. Didn't you?" Glaring directly into its eyes, I continued, "To kill my beloved mother, isn't it?"

"I... I'm sorry! I saw your house and thought it looked familiar in some weird manner, but I see I crossed the line. I'll exile myself to the mountains if you want! Just have mercy!"

"You're lying. You could have peacefully taken my place like and live comfortably as a human as your disgusting kind normally does. Am I right?"

"You're right! But if I did that, I would have to take care of an old woman that I didn't know. Also, we, yokai, can't interact with humans since the Meiji era. If I were to break the rules, monks would seal me, so I foolishly tried to avoid the danger to be identified. I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry! I'm done for if you speak about me anyway, so please let me out!"

Is this thing stupid? You can't stab a person and continue living as if nothing happened. If not extremely careful, you would end up in prison. I cannot believe whatever it is saying.

"Stop playing dumb. Why are you here?"

"I swear there's nothing more to it! I don't have anywhere to live!"

"Where did you live then?" I tightened my grip.

"Okey, I lied!. I used to live in a shrine, but it was abandoned. A nine-tailed kitsune appeared one day to demand daily food tribute if I wanted to continue living there. So I went to human civilization looking for money to buy the shrine and srebuild it," The kitsune exhaled. Lacking air, it gathered all the oxygen it could before spitting its last plea. "Since yokai can't interact with humans, she would have no chance but to leave."

I see. So we have a common enemy after all, this could work.

I let the kitsune free. It fall and starts to shake on the floor, looking at me with eyes full of true fear.

"Do not worry, little one, I won't harm you again. I just need you to lead me to this shrine you're talking about. Is it okay?"

I smile, trying to intimidate it even further, but it doesn't feel it like a proper smile. Instead, I'm doing a weird expression.

"W-Why?"

"There's no need to be scared. We have a common goal: to get rid of this nine-tailed kitsune you mentioned."

"How could we do so?"

"Killing it."

The kitsune froze in place, expressionless.

"But before we leave, I need to lead my mom to bed and dress her, if you don't mind waiting. Just don't be noisy. You wouldn't like to give the impression you're trying to leave, would you?"

I pat the astonished kitsune before locking all the doors and windows.