Chicago

Sitting in the dressing room with Skye and my band was different. We actually engaged in small talk. I finally learned that my drummer and bassist’s names were Max and Sean, respectively.

“I’ve played a lot of shows on the west coast, but this is my first time playing in Chicago,” Sean said.

“Oh, I’m from Detroit originally, so I played a lot of shows here when I was in a post-hardcore band,” Max added.

“Yeah, this city has produced a lot of great bands that are punk, hardcore, and adjacent subgenres,” I said, trying to participate.

“Yeah, Rise Against was an early influence for my bass tone,” Sean said, smiling. “And I can’t not mention Pete Wentz and Fall Out Boy, even though I preferred the Arma Angelus stuff.”

The conversation carried on like this for a while before I saw a venue staffer walk by in a Blackhawks jersey.

“I hope this show ends better than my last time here,” I said, ominously, thinking aloud more than anything.

Skye started playing with my hair, making sure that I stayed calm.

While we were writing for Wicked Dream she made it clear that she was upset that she wasn’t able to see my last show with the band I had loved.

“What happened last time?” Max asked.

“It was the last show the original line-up of Embers of Twilight ever played. It was supposed to be Jim’s last, but it also ended up being mine too,” I said calmly, it was a retelling of facts.

With the weight of time and the tension of Wicked Dream, the details of the last show had faded. I didn’t even remember how I felt at the end of it.

“Was it a bad set?” Sean asked.

“No…it was decent. Our tempos were all over the place, but it was an old school, raw punk vibe…the crowd loved it.”

“So, it was like the show we played in Foxborough?” Max shot back.

“Yeah, I think that’s a good comparison.”

At this point, my rhythm guitarist, whose name I still couldn’t remember, returned to the dressing room.

“Wow, add a woman to the room, and all of a sudden our fearless leader’s an extrovert,” he said in a playful tone

“Dude, do you not know who she is?” Max asked, almost offended.

“Am I supposed to?” he responded, annoyed.

She walked toward him, with her arm extended for a handshake.

“Hi, I’m Skye Largent,” I could tell she considered saying more, but stopped herself.

He smiled, “Oh, the name's Ian Prince…it’s a pleasure to meet someone so pretty.”

His attempt to flirt was not well received.

“Wow, you clearly weren’t raised right if my appearance was the first thing you commented on,” her voice had turned cold.

Ian instinctively shifted his body language to go on the offensive, but a quick glance toward Sean’s disapproving expression led to a descalation on his part.

“Sorry, I…yeah, that was inappropriate,” he surrendered instead.

“Do you really not know who she is?” Max repeated after introductions.

“Not really…maybe I’ve seen her name somewhere before.”

“She co-wrote like 90% of the songs we play every night, so that’s probably why,” Sean said in a condescending tone.

His face turned bright red.

“So, that also must mean that you and Wes are an item?” he said, trying to get back to a normal conversation.

“Yes,” she paused. “Wes and I have both an artistic and a romantic relationship.”

There was an awkward silence after this. I could have diffused the tension at any time, but it wasn’t my place. Skye preferred to fight her own battles.

“Well, now that we’re off to an awkward start to this relationship, I think we should capture this magic on the stage tonight,” I said, commanding the room.

Actually talking to my new bandmates made me nostalgic. I wanted to tap into that feeling, to try to recapture the same electricity of my younger years.

“We jammed some Embers of Twilight stuff at the start of the tour, and this song only needs Ian and I to play it,” I stopped to read her expression. Another wicked grin, excited at the thought of seeing this song live.

There was only one song from the EoT catalog that we could play without proper rehearsals.

“I think we should play Darker Days tonight. It’s a big dynamic shift from our usual setlist that could make Sirens hit harder.”

Ian signaled to our tour manager to bring him an acoustic guitar.

***

The stage lights felt brighter than usual. For the first time in years it felt like I belonged up there. Looking out into the crowd during the first half of our set, my confidence and swagger from my early years had returned. My fear had faded, replaced by the confidence of being supported by the only person I would ever need.

“Chicago, we’re going to do something special for you tonight, how does that sound?” my voice echoed through the stadium.

The crowd roared, unaware of what they were cheering for.

“This was my first breakout single from 2012. Sing along if you remember this one,” I paused for a stronger crowd reaction than anticipated. “Darker Days.”

As Ian struck the opening chord, the stadium was fully invested.

When my voice came in, there was the initial reaction of, “that’s not Scott,” but it was quickly overwritten by the experience of hearing the song live.

I didn’t sing it with the same emptiness that Scott did, but I filled it with the regret and the pain of leaving EoT behind.

By the time I was into the guitar solo, this crowd was invested. Where I had failed to capture their attention in Philly with my playing, I triumphed tonight.

It was never the art that they rejected, but the state of the artist.

I poured my soul into legato, thinking about how hard touring is, how much I missed Skye, how Maggie ended up alone.

Knowing Skye was watching, I could properly express my feelings through this song.

The stadium felt like it was shaking at the overwhelming response to the performance.

Sirens and Kill Your Darlings carried the momentum. I felt connected to Max and Sean for the first time during the performance. The energy in the band flowed naturally, and it finally felt good to play these songs.

Was I still chasing the nostalgia of EoT?

I gazed out at the crowd as we finished the set, and the stadium was basically full. The screams and applause were deafening.

As terrible as I thought our earlier sets on the tour were, more of Ariel’s fans were showing up for us to a point where we had this full stadium in Chicago. As much as I loved my time in EoT, we never accomplished this.

As we exited the stage, I locked arms with Skye, holding her hand as we made our way back to the dressing room.

Ariel was at the same point of her routine, stretching in the hallway.

“Thanks for raising the bar boys,” she was excited. “That performance was long overdue.”

“It was my pleasure,” I replied.

“I can’t believe you didn’t introduce me to Ms. Largent yet,” she called out as we passed her.

“What can I say, the timing hasn’t been right. Maybe later tonight,” I yelled back.

“I’ll hold you to that,” her voice echoed down the hallway.

Skye gave me a skeptical look.

“Sorry,” my voice was soft. “I can’t not talk about how great you are to other women.”

She laughed, “I just didn’t expect Ariel Sanchez to be interested in me.”