CH-4 (MY PROMISE)

“Become mine,

and I shall make this pain go away.”

said she,

with longing in her eyes.

Is it this easy?

Is it really possible?

“I shall grant you the solace you desperately seek.”

Do I really deserve this?

Do I really deserve to find peace?

To forget my past?

To move on?

Will this satiate the burning sensations in my heart?

Her words sounded sweet, as sweet as the smell that emanated from her, as she sat in front of me.

Her gaze, fixed onto mine, unwavering.

An offer, too tempting for me to refuse, has landed in front of my very eyes, yet my very cowardice was what’s stopping me.

Maybe I should just accept her offer.

Maybe I will never be able to absolve my sins.

Maybe, I will never be able to witness her smile again.

Maybe, I will never be able to look directly into her eyes again.

Maybe, she will exist as nothing but a distant memory to me.

Yet, falling through the pit of hellfire didn’t sound too bad.

If it’s with Emi-senpai, then perhaps, just perhaps, I might learn to bear the weight of my sins, 

and finally,

move on.

As long as she would be the one guiding me.

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll decide to put my fate on someone else’s hand.

Just maybe, for once,

I might get some solace from this intense pain that is burning my heart.

Because, at this point,

There is nothing else that I can do.

Maybe, I’m running away, yet again.

Maybe, I’m committing the biggest mistake of my life.

Yet, a part of me wants to see through this.

To trust Emi-senpai,

her hands, which are going to guide mine,

her eyes, filled with an angelic calmness, and a comforting gaze,

and her voice, that tasted like nectar to my ears.

Maybe, this was my redemption. Maybe this was what I’ve been waiting for, even if I’m unsure of it.

I slowly extend my palm forward, trying to hold onto hers.

But, as I did, the memory of her smile flashed before my very eyes.

“Rei-chan!

Promise me that you will never me!”

It was just a moment of hesitation,

but that’s all it took,

to rob me of my redemption.

For what followed through, was something I could’ve never ever imagined in my life.

*SLAP*

A sharp, warm, yet painful sensation assaulted across my left cheek, as I looked forward to see Emi-senpai, welling with tears.

“Senpai?”

“JUST STOP IT, KOUHAI-KUN!

THIS ISN’T YOU!

WHEN WILL YOU STOP LYING TO YOURSELF?

YOU SHOULD’VE JUST REJECTED MY OFFER DIRECTLY, IN FRONT OF MY FACE!”

“Emi-Senpai?”

“THIS IS NOT THE KOUHAI-KUN I KNOW OF! 

GIVE HIM BACK TO ME!”

*SLAP*

She slapped me again, this time, hurting her own hands in the process. But what pained me more, was seeing the Emi-senpai I look up to so much, weeping.

“Emi-senpai! I’m sorry If I’ve done something wrong to hurt you. I promise to rectify it. Just, please do not cry.”

“It’s not your fault. I-“

“Even so, I’m sorry for whatever pain I’ve caused.”

“Kouhai-kun, just listen. I-”

“Here, let me wipe off your tears.”

With a handkerchief, I decide to wipe her face full of tears.

Finally, after regaining her composure, she said,

“What do you think you should do now, Kouhai kun? Will you keep on running away yet again?”

“I do not have an answer to that. Like you said, I’m hesitant, coward, and indecisive.”

“So? Have you decided to live with that pain from now on?”

“What else can I do?”

“The Kouhai-kun I know of would never abandon someone in need, especially if it’s a friend.”

“But Emi-senpai, I’ve already abandoned her once before.”

*SLAP*

“SO THEN MAKE IT RIGHT, DUMBASS! RUN! CHASE AFTER HER, TO THE END OF THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE TO! DO WHATEVER IT TAKES, TO GET BACK TO HER SIDE.”

“I don’t know if I have the courage to. I am afraid I might find the truth about us, if I get too close to her.”

“Didn’t you promise her that you’d stay by her side forever? That you’ll never leave her?”

I averted my gaze.

“Listen, Emi-senpai, I-

I don’t have the right to, anymore.

Not after what I’ve done to her.

Not after I’ve pierced her heart

With my own selfishness.

I might just end up hurting her yet again, if I decided to side with her now.”

“Even if she’s fine with that?”

My eyes widened listening to her response.

“Emi-senpai?”

“Don’t you get it? You are inadvertently hurting her, by not being on her side.

Seriously, Kouhai-kun! You really are cruel, especially when it comes to her.”

Her words struck a chord with me, as I decided to stand up.

“Emi-senpai”, said I,

“I’m going after her!”

Maybe I’m committing a serious mistake right now.

Maybe I might never be able to find the solace I was looking for, anymore.

But for once, I’ve decided to listen to my heart.

“Sorry, Emi-senpai, for taking up your time.”, I shouted, as I kept running through the corridor.

Meanwhile, there she was, sitting on her chair, with a pen and her diary, writing profusely.

Except, the pages of her diary were wet, thanks to her tears.

“This is for the best!

Just a second more, and I would’ve not been able to hold on!

Sorry Kouhai-kun, for being an absolutely disgusting selfish woman!”

___________________________________________________________________________

I searched everywhere I possibly could, classrooms, gym, corridors, cafeteria, basketball court, every place imaginable, yet I couldn’t find her.

I decided to widen my search area, to get outside the school, and into the streets. I started asking bystanders for her, providing her description, but to no avail.

As I was huffing and puffing, looking around, someone grabbed my shoulders. As I turned my head, I was met with a familiar face, that I wasn’t expecting.

“Looking for someone, Reiji?”

“Piss off Naoki! I’m busy. I don’t have time to deal with you right now.”

“And may I ask the reason, why?”

“None of your business! Now back off, and let me continue my search.”

“It’s her, isn’t it?”

“HOW DID YOU KNOW?”

“Nothing else can rile you up as much as her. Seriously, you should probably look your face in the mirror right now.”

“Are you here to just mock me now?”

“Better! I might have the answer to what you are looking for.”

“YOU’VE SEEN HER? Tell me where she is, NOW!”, said I, while grabbing onto his shoulders.

“And what then? Allow history to repeat itself?”, said he, with a stupid grin on his face.

“Seriously, you do not deserve to be with her. You never deserved it, to begin with, fucking indecisive prick!”, said he.

“DON’T TALK AS IF YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!”, I said, as I threw a punch on his face.

“I KNOW ENOUGH TO JUDGE YOU, YOU FOOL!”, saying, he dodged my attack, and returned it with an uppercut.

“COUGH! Look, Naoki, I don’t have time to play with your antics. Either you tell me, or I’ll find out myself.”, saying that, I punched his gut.

“COUGH! COUGH! And then what, when you find her? You’ll be running away, yet again, leaving her yet alone, isn’t it?”, saying that, he punched me, yet again.

“COUGH! COUGH! I know that I’ve committed a grave mistake in the past, and I know there’s no way of rectifying it. But, just this once, I’d like to meet her, face to face, and talk to her directly, without running away.”, saying that, I punched him, again.

This back and forth exchange went on for quite a while, until both of us could barely keep standing.

“It has been a year since then. For someone, who is trying to move on, you sure like clinging onto your past, isn't that right?”, asked he.

“Shut up! I don’t have any energy to deal with you anymore.”

“You can beat me up until your hands are satisfied, but your heart will remain wounded until you try to face it. That is the curse of guilt, that you will continue to bear.”

“Even so”, said I, with tears flowing down my eyes,” I do not intend to give up. I had already given up once before, but now, I have to reach her side, no matter what, for, I couldn’t stand myself, watching her giving up on herself!

Not on my watch!

Which is why, I’ll keep chasing her, until I’ve finally caught upto her!

That’s the promise I had made her!”

“Then you’ll know exactly where to find her,” said he, while staring directly into my eyes.

___________________________________________________________________________

The sun was already looming toward the horizon, when I reached the place.

How could I have missed it?

It was the abandoned park.

It was the place where I made my promise to her.

The most precious place to her.

And there she was, sitting on the rusty swing, while gazing at the sun.

How could I not have realized it sooner?

“Akeno!”, shouted I, at the top of my lungs.

And immediately, I saw a shiver run down her spine, in response to that.

“Good evening, Rei-chan! I see you are doing well.”, said she, with an unwavering tone, as she stood up to face me.

“So, you’ve followed me here now? What is it this time?”

“Listen Akeno, I-“

“Seriously, what was I even thinking? Shouting like that in the hallway? I’m sorry Rei-chan, for causing you inconvenience.”

“Look Akeno, I-“

“I’m sorry, Rei-chan! I couldn’t stand it when they were badmouthing you, so I lost my temper.

I’m sorry, Rei-chan, I’m really sorry. I beg for your forgiveness.”

She’s blaming herself again! For the mistake that I’ve committed!

“As punishment, I’ll be removing myself from your life!

I’ll leave the school,

The apartment next to yours,

And just leave, far-far away,

To make sure that you never have to see my face again.”, said she, with a perfect smile, befitting the actress Tachibana Akeno.

It was a smile, that could fool anyone, else.

But not me.

I got a flashback of something similar that had happened in the past.

And that time too, Akeno was smiling.

And I was naïve enough to believe her.

But this time, it’s going to be different.

I’ll never let her deceive me,

ever again!

I decided to take a leap of faith, one, which my former self would’ve hesitated to do.

“Rei-chan? Wha-“

I hugged her.

“Rei-chan? What is the meaning of this?”

“AKENO!”

“…………I’m listening.”

“This is probably the only time that I’ll be ever saying this, so listen carefully. And I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I’m about to do next.”

The next couple of words that I uttered came straight out of my heart.

“I’m sorry,

For abandoning you,

when you needed me the most!”

I could feel her tears rolling down her eyes, as I said those words to her.

After that, we stayed standing, in silence, hugging each other, without uttering a single word. The silence was enough to get my point across.

In one year, we had drifted apart, but maybe, our hearts had not. Which is why, the only sound that I could probably hear,

was of Akeno,

crying, and sobbing.

The sun had already set by the time we had regained our composure. Akeno’s face looked terrible, not at all befitting an actress, to say the least. I thought, as I silently wiped her face with my handkerchief.

“So, what now?”, I asked.

“It’s something, that you, and only you, can decide”, said she, while gazing into my eyes.

“Sigh! I did not plan this far ahead. But one thing is for certain though. We are anything but strangers to each other.”

“Yeah, whatever!”, said she, while mimicking my speech pattern.

“Haha….”

“Hahaha….”

“Hahahaha……”

We burst into laughter together.

“Whatever it is that you decide to make out of us, I’ll gladly accept it, without hesitation.”

“Sorry, Akeno. I might need a bit of time, to sort out my feelings.”

“No worries. But I wish to enjoy this moment that we have here, together.”, said she, while clinging onto my arm, as we headed back to our home.

Unbeknownst to us, someone was definitely watching over us.