What love isn't

I just sat there. I couldn't do anything for Akio. At that moment, I felt helpless- I broke Akio's world apart.
My voice trembled.
"Uh, Akio, are-"
"Just go, Tatsumi!"
"bu-"
"JUST GO!"
She was right. I, who brought despair to Akio,- didnt have the right to console her.
I didn't even have the right to stand next to her as I did.
Akio wouldn't even give me the grace to look me in the eye - she just kept sitting in her sea of emotions... Was this the price I had to pay for my idiocy?
I let go of Akio and began to turn around, the helplessness still weighing me down. Just then, Akio began to wipe her tears and closed the gate behind her. The gate to her heart also closed that day.

We didn't say anything - we just walked down the thorny road of what's to come.

It had been a few days since that day. My world turned quiet, as did Mine and Akio's world's grew farther apart. I began to realise how much Akio meant to me, school became quiet, I felt isolated,
How did I used to cope living like this?
Was this the peace I had dreamt of when I tried to push her out of my world before?

I hated it.
Last I heard, Akio wouldn't leave her room after what happened... she was all alone, like she had been all those years ago.
The seat that was once full of life - now desolate.
I seriously can't believe how horrible I had been to Akio - I'm such a fool.

Akio eventually came back to school - she changed.
Rather than wearing the bubbly persona she had built for herself, she became cold- distant even. She talked less, laughed less, and showed less of herself to the class. She used to Joke about with everyone- not anymore. The more I saw Akio lock herself away from the world... the more it hurt.

It cut deep.
People took notice. They would ask things like,
"What happened to Fujisawa-san?" or,
"Why is she so sad?"
No one understood her.
I was the only one in the mindless sea of people who knew the true extent of the demons she was facing... Yet, I couldnt approach her.
I didn't have the right- I could only watch from the sidelines as she sat there...Silent.
It felt as if she was gone... Getting farther out of reach as the days grew longer.
I felt as if I could finally understand just how much I meant to Akio. Seeing her hurt like this- hurt me even more. Why didn't I find out sooner? Why did I have to forget everything? I have to find a way to rebuild the bridges that once connected us - but how?
I mean, after all, My lonliness and hate for the world caused all this. So why should I step in?
If i dont do it, who else will, though...right?
I had to be held responsible for what I put her through.
Just then, someone walked through our classroom door.
"Akio, what's wrong?" the person said, voice slightly vexed.
Akio's friends? Why were they here?
Akio's friend continued,
"You can't still be mopey, surely"
"SHUT UP", the table started to wobble
Akio began to choke up.
"None of you understands how I feel, no one understands how much pain I'm in."
"I'm done with everyone's BS. You don't know the real me."
"So why do you seem like you understand?It's insulting to this pain ive bared for years..."

"Shared with the one that's forgotten..."
Akio's eyes meet my gaze for a second. Was this directed at me? Just then, Akio slammed the chair and ran out of the class.
I could feel my heart sinking deeper as I realised what happened.
This wasn't an outburst; it was a cry for help. One I could only provide. Yet... I froze.
Even after I spouted all that nonsense about "taking responsibility" deep down, I'm still scared to face a future with Akio in it.
The classroom...filled with a unanimous silence, clearly still carrying the lingering feelings of Akio's words.
It was cruel... too cruel to even describe.
Everyone felt Akio's loneliness that day. For once, the class that was usually smiling... wasn't anymore.

Akio didn't show up to school again the following day. I don't blame her after the pain she ended up showing everyone. It must have been hard for her to confront everyone's feelings like that. I think I'm starting to fully comprehend the real Akio Fujisawa, shes not the brave girl she tries to show the world,

shes just like me.

She struggles to cope when no ones watching her. She constantly runs from what her heart truly wants... But what is it she wants? I still don't know quite myself- What I do know is that I finally understand her pain... We weren't that different after all. We all struggle with ourselves, for Akio? She struggled to accept the loneliness of losing me... For me? I couldn't accept having someone else around... Me an Akio, we are two sides of the coin- just a pair of star-crossed lovers... chasing the same hopeless dream.
I finally understood that.
It felt as if I finally understood what Akio was trying to say all this time... her words, after so long, began to click.
I finally understood what I had to do - I had to break Akio's curse, the same curse that had haunted me for so long; the curse of loneliness...
It was the only way I could repay her for what she had done for me all this time, the colour she had brought back to my world... I wanted to bring it back to her's.

I rushed to Akio's house as fast as my legs could carry the weight of my feelings. This time... I was sure to explain everything properly... I finally had the courage to stand on equal footing with her...
"Akio, I see you!"