Heart's song

      In the morning my mind had felt clear, it’s been getting clear these past couple of days. Maybe it was because of the 4 day break we had, but I felt pretty good: and not like cocky good, just good. I ate my usual breakfast, toast and jam, and left off to take the bus to school. I always leave my bus card in my schoolbag, it’d be bad if I didn’t have that when I was heading to school, it was just about a 6 mile run. To be honest I was pretty excited to go back to school, well you know cause of the lady, yeah and I also had all my friends to get back to.

As I walked past the station, I saw the usual gang at an unusual time. I hadn’t seen them a while as I stayed inside most of the break watching tv and doing my own thing.I walked up to them and asked

“Whatcha guy’s do out here so early.”

“Oh, it’s little man. What’s up man. Haven’t seen you in a bit.”

“You know I had Thanksgiving break and stuff.”

“Ohhhhh Yeah, I remember that. Well ya know we doing the usual stuff, hustling— just had to wake up a little early today. It’s better for business you know. Well you're going to school right.”

“Yeah.”

“Aight don’t wanna keep ya little man. Gets going, ya don’t wanna be late.”

“Aight seeya guys.”

A 40 to 50 minute bus ride to school and back, what a real pain I thought. If there was traffic it could be near the hour mark, and it’s 50/50 that I make it to school not late. Although I complain about my ride to school, after 3 years the ride seems to go by quick. The bus ride took 37 minutes today, thank the lord: No traffic today. I get in school, head to the third floor where my english class is at. I sit to the side of the class door where a bunch of my classmates were already there. The group I usually hang around with has yet to arrive. For now I close my eyes and wait for class to start, I probably have 20 minutes give or take.

After the bell rings it starts, and the halls become bustling with people. The most crazy, and best english teacher comes out to welcome us in an oh so graceful way.

“Aight, come on kids, get in here and get your books on the way in.”

To be honest I’d say English was my favorite class. This year we had moved out of the real old plays like Macbeth, and Romeo and Juliet, and gotten some of the interesting stuff. All the books taught this year were all pretty interesting like Fahrenheit 445, and The Crucible. Not to say the old books weren’t interesting, just I kinda preferred how the other plays were written a little better. Well now that I thought about it I liked Romeo and Juliet a good deal.

Well another great part of junior english was that you’d be able to play roles in the plays. A lot of the other guys in class thought it was dumb, and would speak in a monotone every time they played a role, but I liked it a lot, it was pretty fun to do. Well my friends didn’t like it that much either. Well right now we were in the middle of All of My Sons: It’s pretty interesting too. Well I didn’t get a role today, I had competition with some of the theater kids, and we just got off the climax so I took a break for the class.

Drifting throughout my classes I felt a question pop through my mind being asked to me. It might’ve been a question I’ve asked myself before but I looked at it a little differently. “Why do you wanna ask her out?” It didn’t bother me much, it just followed me around for a while. As the question was asked it got deeper, vaguer, “why do you like her.” I’ve asked myself that very question a lot of times but I couldn’t seem to come to an exact answer. A quote came to mind, “you can’t choose who you like.” It felt pretty fitting, but if I’d have to say something it’d probably just be a list of everything about you. Well why I wanted to ask her out was… I guess just to let out my feelings, and maybe if I let out mine you’d show me a little of yours and we could be together.

After that I wanted to write something, I wanted to write down this feeling, this thought before I forgot it. I went through my bag and grabbed my folder, I took whatever piece of paper I probably wouldn’t need and just started writing. I forgot what class I was in, what I was doing before, and I just wrote and kept writing.

Heart’s Song

As I feel the pain of being without you

The pain questioning of whether it’s all worth it

Questioning if my love is worth

Worth it for you

Worth your time

As my love blooms it’s form becomes construed

I wanted you to be mine

I wanted to hug n kiss you

But first I wanted you to hear my heart’s song

Fear

Fear of it all

Your rejection

Not having all of you

Fear that it’s not the right time

Fear in the future it’ll just end

That it won’t be like how I dream about

Fear made me forget my love’s song

My heart’s song

I want to sing it to you now

My heart’s song

My heart felt like it was shining as I wrote this poem, and I felt bright. I wondered if I could do it now or not, but a feeling came up and said it’ll happen when it happens. I let the feeling go and swirl, dance, and let it free to come back whenever. Then I kept going, the day went by, maybe a little faster, or slower, and it went by quick. I felt a peace that I felt like I was missing for a while, that I feel I used to have. When I think of my love for you I feel it’s only gotten bigger as time passes. Then to the last period with the pretty lady.

The lesson passed by quickly with a lesson about Mexico’s government, and I left the class a little before you did. My heart always beats when the bell rings that tells it’s the end of class. I say goodnight to the security guard and left the school. I take a breath of fresh air, and I hear the door behind me open. A big 6 foot 2 black guy comes out with a crew cut and a fresh fade, he’s wearing a jersey jacket, and one beat up backpack. I guess I never described him too much, well it wasn’t who I wasn’t looking for but I'll take it, I’m in a good enough mood.

“Yoooo” Damien said.

“They finally took you out of detention huh.”

“Man I didn’t get detention, just had to stay in some room for a while.” We started walking to the station and unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to see milk chocolate come out today.

“That's DETention dummy.”

“YOo, I know what detention is, it was no detention.”

“Then what happened huh.”

“Well I finally got Mariz, you know what that is right.”

“Mannn, of course I know. You have the console.”

“Yeah I got it for Christmas last year, and I finally got the game. I’ve been grinding on the game all night these days. Well I’ve just been getting a little tired in class so I just rest my eyes a little, next thing I know the teacher in front of me yelling saying yaddah yaddah, get yourself to the principal’s office whatever.”

“Then you got detention and forgot what it was called.”

“Nah, that was the end of it.”

“What, what about all the other days?”

“Oh, you mean like the days when I didn’t see you when I got out.”

“Yeah.”

“Well I think I had a meeting for football, and a couple times I fell asleep somewhere after I left class. Well it was whatever.”

“I didn’t know you were into football.”

“You didn’t, well now you know. Everyday you learn something new, HaHAhaa.”

“Yup.”

“We finally getting burgers.”

“Uhhh…actually, yeah let’s do it.”

“Noice. Aight here's the plan, we go to the mall, there's a burger shop there that’s real good, and they sell that stuff for real cheap. You in.”

“Aight, lead the way.”

Damien takes me to the mall near our school. It was a pretty big mall with all sorts of shops from tech, sports cards, and clothing stores. He leads through a part of the mall that I’ve never seen before, all the shops were closed, and not a single soul in sight. Well this is just wonderful, we might get shot or mugged.

“You sure we won’t get mugged.”

“Uhh, 50/50 I guess.”

“Huh! The heck you say.”

“Relax, relax, you know what they say the chance of anything happening is 50/50.” I start making that, Are you DUmb!, face at him. “Stop looking at me like that, aight I’ll explain it down for your mind to understand. So if you look at the chance of us getting shot there's only two possibilities, we got shot or we don’t. So you know it’s ½ chance that we get shot, so 50/50.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“You bastard, are you mocking me. Oh, we're almost there.” We kept walking down the haunted hall, and a small light appeared before us.

To my surprise there was a shop here, and we didn’t get shot which is nice. It was a small food stall, with one old asian guy there. The store's menu was quite small with four options, chicken burgers, cheese burger, special burger, and fries. I don’t think the guy spoke English since some of these descriptions were confusing, a delicious burger with chicken, beef, sauce, cheese, onyan, and lettace. The whole menu was about 60 cents to 80 cents. When we pulled up he was reading some book, once it looked like we were ready to order he came up to the front.

“I’ll have the cheese burger” I said, then paid.

“Can I get a chicken burger” Then Damian paid him, and he started working on the burger.

We waited on the side for about 4 minutes before our burgers were ready. Our burgers were wrapped in that small paper bag, put into a paper bag. These burgers were fat suckers with an amazing aroma being emitted from it.

“Man, they're really looking good.”

“What’d I tell you, I know the spots man.” We stopped the chit chat and dug in, for real these burgers were heavenly. After that we chatted a little and said our goodbyes.

After a couple days there came a day where I saw you outside. You had gotten out of the classroom a little before me, and down the staircase I walked behind with a heart beating faster and faster. You said goodnight to the security guard, and then I did. Then we stepped outside and the fresh air filled within me and my pounding heart slips my notice as I call out to you.

“Hey, y’know… I really liked you for a while, and you know whenever you were free, could I take you on a date?”