Chapter 22:

Kishin Theatre

Onmyoji & Yokai

When I woke up, I felt like a ball. My arms were tucked into my shoulders. My knees were digging into my chest. My spine felt like it curved slightly inward. Am I in the fetal position?

I opened my eyes to confirm my suspicions, and for some reason, I was, but I also saw that it shouldn’t be my biggest concern. I noticed that blood flooded the floor, and from that fact I knew—I was back in the void. However, things weren’t the same as last time.

The first difference I noticed was that I could see. Before, it was like stumbling in the dark, but now I could see clearly, as if I had been here my entire life. In the distance, I could see the Japanese cedar trees as they appeared not to be a simple wall but a dome. And despite my reservations, I knew I had to go to that dome to see it again.

The trek through the blood was the same as last time, but knowing it was blood made the experience worse. Whose blood is it? Is it mine? Is it the Kishin’s blood? Or is it something else entirely?

Those questions ate away at me until I arrived at the wooden dome, and just like before, the hole was there. I checked to see if there was a hole other than the one in front of me, but there wasn’t. There was only one hole, the hole I looked at the Kishin through last time. I gulped before I proceeded to repeat my past actions and lay my eyes upon the Kishin.

Again, the Kishin was there, its figure barely fitting in the view of the hole. However, this time it wasn’t sitting in the fetal position; it was standing up.

Why is it standing up?

“Because I’m watching something.”

I stumbled backward. I couldn’t believe my ears. That thing can hear my thoughts!

“I’m not a thing.”

Then what are you?

“I don’t know.”

Everyone around me has been calling you a Kishin.

“Then I guess I’m Kishin. What are you?”

I don’t know why, but I felt my body strain at that question. I’m a human. My name is Shin, Yasura Shin.

“Shin…” I could see the Kishin point beyond itself, toward a scene. A scene unfolded far away from where the Kishin was sitting, as if it were in the back of a theatre. However, when I focused closer, I could see it was the scene at my grandmother’s house. I could see Rentarou fighting a yokai. I could see the yokai approaching Yukimura before she fought it. I could see Rentarou rip through the building to get to the yokai to fight it, only to be saved by Satori in the end, who landed the final blow. I could see it all. “Are those humans too? Who are they?”

Yes, those are my friends.

“What about that one?” The Kishin asked as it pointed to the yokai they were fighting. “Is that one of your friends, too?”

No, that’s a yokai.

“What is a yokai?”

Yokai are monsters.

“Is that why they’re fighting the yokai?”

That and because they’re evil. They are evil beings who don’t hesitate to kill people.

“Am I a yokai?”

Yes, according to everyone I met, you’re one of the strongest yokai.

“Does that make me evil?”

Yes, I guess it does. After I thought those words, there was a long, quiet pause. I wasn’t sure how long it had been since the creature last spoke; I wasn’t even sure time existed in this space. The only thing I could do to keep track was watch the Kishin watch the scene of the uncovering of my grandmother’s death replayed. The scene replayed eight times before the Kishin spoke again.

“I feel bad for it.”

It? Do you mean them?

“No, I mean for the yokai.”

Why do you feel bad for him? That yokai killed my grandmother!

“But your friends are killing it.”

What do you mean?

“Doesn’t that make your friends evil?”

I wanted to respond to it, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t find either the words or the thoughts to respond to it. In that moment, my mind was just empty, thinking. The fight replayed another eight times before I could start managing to converse with it again.

I don’t know.

“But didn’t you say killing someone was evil?”

Yes, but there are exceptions.

“What are the exceptions?”

I don’t know.

“Are your friends an exception?”

I don’t know.

“Are you an exception?”

I don’t know… I don’t know… I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know…

The phrase ‘I don’t know’ filled my thoughts, repeating it endlessly until the Kishin’s word cut through them like a knife.

“Shin, I don’t want to be evil.”

I don’t want to be evil either.