To Catch A Flame

Clusters of packed snow rose into thousands of tiny domes that made their way along the slopes of the Sawaguchi Riverside. Cool, deep blues of nighttime powder were pierced by innumerable yellow lights as candles danced within each of the miniature domes.

Local buses carried locals and visitors alike through the winter scenery of the surrounding mountains and out to the Yunishigawa Kamakura Festival, where these myriad flickering snow lanterns waited. Within one such bus was the patient group of the not-too-distant Sadama Treatment Center.

Excitement for the field trip had been palpable in the days leading up to the departure. Both Shuhei and Kaho had found themselves excited and nervous. This would be the first human engagement either had experienced since their arrival at the facility.

As the bus came to a stop at the edge of the river’s path, the two of them saw hundreds of other souls drifting through the ambient dark and dancing light. Without being able to see detail on the faces or bodies, Kaho found herself thinking this resembled the merriest, most serene death procession possible. If her walk to the afterlife was half as comforting as this image, she would be happy.

Roads were scraped and salted to remove any potential ice, but many still walked with caution. After only going a few steps, Shuhei noticed the older actor was walking rather gingerly for safety’s sake. Kaho watched from a distance as Shuhei silently offered his hand to the man. As the actor accepted with a smile, Kaho noticed the faintest smile on Shuhei’s face, which glowed warm in the faint light of the candles and lamps, even as his sock hat pressed his hair down around his eyes like curtains.

Down they went until they reached the snowy path that traced the river’s curves. Round balls of yellow glowed overhead. Roaring waters flowed without ceasing beside them, filling the thin winter air with an ambient hum. Snow crunched beneath boots. Unseen bodies spoke in joyous excitement. Sounds blended together into a soothing charm. Turning his gaze from Kaho, Shuhei wondered what of that sound, if any, she could feel or hear.

Today was Sayane’s day off, so Kaho was currently without a translator. Therefore, she was keeping her phone at the ready, in case any sudden needs for text speaking arose.

For now, she was happy to simply exist in the surreal moment where she was currently basking in the warmth of her coat, the chill of the air, and the embrace of thousands of small lights that called them further inward. Hints of barbecue smoke drifted in the air, telling her that somewhere nearby, people were grilling dinner. She’d read that there was a village nearby of larger igloos, which visitors could rent for a unique dining experience. At this point, she assumed that would be their dining choice for the night.

Lanterns flanked both sides of the path that wound down the slope of the hill in extended curves. The actor’s arm never released Shuhei’s.

“You had a movie that was about the clan that settled here, right?” Shuhei asked.

“Wow, I’m shocked you know I was in that. Yes. About the samurai who settled here after their defeat. Movie was a flop. And I only had a few lines,” the actor said with an unironic chuckle.

“To be fair, I’ve never seen the whole thing,” Shuhei admitted.

“Neither have I,” he laughed.

Behind them, Kaho saw the two companions laughing, and she wondered what they were discussing. A strange phenomenon of deafness was the Deaf person was always aware of conversations around them, even if they wouldn’t have been a part of them had they had their hearing. Constantly seeing lips parting and faces changing without ever knowing what they were conveying was a constant reminder for those without hearing that the rest of the world was experiencing life in a way they weren’t.

A lifetime of that separation had made it so that Kaho usually didn’t feel sad about such things. It was simply her reality. Fortunately, at that moment, she was not sad, merely curious. Shuhei was an enigma to her. More than most. There was a gentleness to him that seemed at odds with whatever storm was raging just behind the whites of his eyes.

When the group reached the true path of light, everyone stopped talking. Now, Kaho was not separated by that barrier. They were all together in silence as they walked amid the candles.

A vendor was selling candles for those who wished to walk with them. Several of the patients stopped to purchase.

Kaho found herself wanting to hold a small bit of light, even if only for a moment. So she purchased one. Then Shuhei did.

Once more, the group returned to the path. Flowing crashes of the full river were now quite loud. Kaho could finally make out the faintest of incessant hums that vibrated her ribs as they walked.

A soft gust of wind caused her candle to flicker, so she stopped to cup it in protection.

Shuhei stepped beside her, also trying to cover his light, but he was too late. His light vanished with a wisp of white smoke. Everyone else continued to walk, unaware that the two of them had stopped. Their eyes locked, and Shuhei dramatically frowned in joking dismay as he held up his extinguished candle.

He wasn’t wearing gloves. Cold had caused his knuckles to darken.

She was wearing blue and green knitted mittens.

His collar was turned up.

Her nose was turning red from the cold.

Kaho moved closer to him and held out her candle. Mittens shielded it on one side, and his exposed hand covered the other as his candle wick leaned to meet her flame. There was a pause, then another flame appeared.

Shuhei smiled in appreciation as he looked up from their hands to her face.

Once more, their eyes met.

Bodies passed them like shadows. Time seemed to slow as the soft radiance of the tiny fires casted highlights onto her chin and eyes. In the low light, his face was even more defined and his eyes seemed even more narrow.

Cold had turned her lips purple, making them stand out against her pale face. He’d been around hundreds of girls who had paid for fillers to get even half of the fullness of her mouth which was now parted as she dared to hold his gaze.

His collarbones were level with her eyeline. Rogue strands of hair were caught in his eyelashes.

Why wasn’t he looking away?

She didn’t look away.

Neither of them planned for that. Neither was sure they even wanted whatever this sensation was.

Warmth drifted into both of their faces, and it wasn’t from the flames.

Foreign feelings rushed through Shuhei’s mind as he tried to break his eyes away from the welcome they’d found in her deep amber irises. All of this was utterly unfamiliar for Kaho. She was sure he was just polite, yet in that moment, she swore his body leaned forward by the slightest degree as his lips parted. She assumed it was to speak something. If his thoughts weren’t already being occasionally visited by images and recollections of her, he was sure that this moment would soon haunt him in the quiet of the night. But he wasn’t sure he didn’t want that. Why wasn’t she looking away? Had she been this beautiful all along?

But then he blinked, and it was over.

‘Thank you,” he mouthed.

Kaho nodded.

Shuhei pantomimed asking for her phone, which she retrieved from her coat pocket.

Shuhei received it with one hand and began to type.

“How do you sign Thank You?” he asked.

More warmth drifted into Kaho’s face before spreading through her body. To her terror, it drifted down her stomach until it settled between her legs, sending an absolutely new sensation through her veins that she did not know how to process. Whatever was happening in these brief, eternal seconds, she did not intend any of it or hope for any of it. It took every ounce of focus to keep her mind clear as she tried to smile like nothing was happening.

Holding up her hands, Kaho angled her left arm so that her palm was in the center of her chest, faced flatly parallel with the ground. Then, her right hand’s fingers extended fully with her thumb out above them. She angled it perpendicular to her left hand before placing it right above, then slicing upwards while mouthing ‘arigato’.

Shuhei watched with sincere focus before holding his hands up to mimic her action.

“Arigato,” he replied as he did the motions to the best of his ability.

Kaho blushed when she realized he wasn’t mocking her.

Hands moved once more before Kaho typed her response.

“You’re welcome.”

By now, the rest of the group was well ahead of them. Without speaking or signing anything else, the two patients rejoined the parade of shadows as they moved along the ever-flowing riverbank and towards a nourishing evening dinner of cooked meats.