A Different Aoi

I woke up and opened my eyes slowly the day after. There was a barrier of pillows between me and Eiko, who shared a king sized bed. I reached for my phone to read the messages from the night before. I found a picture from my brother, with Mika in it. He had taken her to our makeup artist and they did her hair as well. They picked out great clothes for her too. Not bad. I thought to myself.

And then I realized I had started missing Mika. It had been almost two weeks, and in that time, it felt like she had changed so much. I found myself wondering if she was practicing enough, or if she had come up with new songs. I would’ve liked to be around to live those things with her. I was also somewhat regretful that she wasn’t there with me, traveling, having a dinner date, or just sightseeing.

It was then I realized how poorly I had handled my relationship with Eiko. I tried to stay distant to avoid hurting her, but it turns out the distance simply caused her more pain. Doing nothing can sometimes be just as cruel as doing the wrong thing. I looked at her, sleeping soundly on the other side of the bed, with the pillows in between us. Waking up with the extra weight of regret and a mild hangover made things difficult, but we had to get going. I checked the schedule and realized we had one more thing to do in Kyoto. I prepared, for once, to be the one to wake her up.

“Get up Eiko,” I said, unable to summon the kindness she deserved. I only heard some begrudging sounds in response. I went to grab one of the bottles of water from our room and brought it close to her, knowing she might need to rehydrate after the night of drinking.

“Drink up, you need to start recovering.”

“Ah,” she said, still lying in bed, “What’s the point?” Eiko sounded defeated.

“You’re going to get sad right now? Drink, we’re not done yet. We can do this back at home.”

“Since when do you care?” she protested, as she slowly rolled on the bed and snatched the water bottle off me.

“I’ve always cared, Eiko.”

“Liar,” she mumbled, as she slowly rose from the bed.

Eiko drank some water, and over the next hour got ready and slowly turned back to her normal self, at least on the surface. Even though she probably couldn’t notice, I also had a lot on my mind.

“So today we got, the yukata shop, and then we’ll go to Arashiyama. You like that place, don’t you?” Eiko seemed to be at least somewhat back to her usual energy, ready to drag me anywhere.

“Are you sure you want to do this? I can do some footage by myself,” I offered, “I owe you that much.”

“You don’t know the first thing about entertainment,” she said, as she looked in the mirror to apply her makeup.

“Well actually I do…”

Eiko turned around, stared at me briefly, shook her head, and then continued doing her makeup. I couldn’t help but feel glad that we were still having our somewhat usual interactions. After what had happened last night, I was afraid I wouldn’t get to see that Eiko again. At the same time, I also felt guilty for causing her that distress in the first place. Soon after, we left the hotel and those unpleasant memories behind.

Our first stop was a yukata shop, where they sold traditional kimono and yukata locally made in Kyoto. We had ours fitted. Mine was fairly simple and solemn, fitting for my personality. But Eiko's, as usual, was impressive. It had an amazing combination of pastel blues and green patterns, and it flattered her figure as well. However distant I tried to be, it was still hard to not be somewhat drawn to her.

The combination of Eiko’s overwhelming presence, the events of the night before, my regrets, and my constant thoughts about Mika, made me decide that I would end the relationship that same night. It had gone on long enough, and I had caused her enough pain. I didn’t want to lose what little we had left.

After the shop, we were taken to the iconic bamboo forest in Arashiyama. As usual, they blocked all tourist traffic for us as we made our way up the hill.

“I have to admit I’ve felt bad when they block these tourist sites just for us,” I told Eiko.

“Well.” Eiko paused. “It’s just for a little bit, and they see the benefit in the long term. Would you really want to visit this place if you see it’s crowded?”

“So we lie to the public. Got it.”

Eiko seemed disappointed by my response, but it felt like we were talking about two different things. She took a few minutes to take some pictures and record clips, but we were out of that area as soon as we could, allowing the regular flow of people to resume.

As Eiko had mentioned, I really did enjoy the bamboo forest. There’s something about walking between the towering bamboo that combines eeriness and beauty. It was a great place to reflect, or talk.

“Hey,” said Eiko as she stopped, “Do you think you’d find this bamboo forest beautiful if it had let anything else grow in it?”

“I’m not sure," I answered, as I looked at the bamboo walling off both sides. I understood she was talking about bamboo not letting other plants grow easily, but I didn’t really understand what she was trying to say. Eiko had gotten somewhat mysterious over the course of the day, making me realize that despite her great ability to act normally, she still seemed to be in distress. Not much longer. I thought to myself.

At the end of the path we went into a beautiful garden. The highlights of it were a tea house, where we were treated with tea and sweets, and the observation decks. We arrived near closing time, so it was a nice private tour for the most part, and it didn’t feel as bad as blocking the path to the bamboo forest. We could finally take our time and unwind.

After all the days of constant touring, recording, and meeting fans, I welcomed the end of it by sitting down and having tea. The amazing views of a somewhat distant Kyoto surrounded us in every direction, slowly shifting colors because of the sunset. This was a date many others would love to have, but instead, it was the place for our breakup.

Eiko, after finishing her tea, sat down very close to me and gently slid her body next to mine.

“Eiko, I…” I hesitated. I didn’t know how to start saying the things she deserved to know.

“I know,” she answered, stopping my thoughts short. “I know.” The second time, her tone was a lot more disheartened. It was almost like she had predicted everything that I had prepared to tell her that evening.

“I’m sorry,” I said, recalling the events of the day before.

“It’s alright. I just want to enjoy this one last time.” Eiko then wrapped her arms around mine, and leaned her body on my side. Her body was overpowering and the situation was perfect, but we both knew it was the end. I decided to respect her wishes and just sat still.

“I have to say, it did sting a little getting rejected like that,” said Eiko.

“If it helps, you made it… very difficult,” I answered. I was feeling increasingly guilty for ruining the arrangement and private world that we had built together for so long, even under the scrutiny of Eiko’s fame. “I also believe you could have anyone you wished for by your side,” I said, trying to make her feel better, even though those were also my honest thoughts.

“What kind of person could be a good match for me anyway?” Eiko was right. It would be hard for anyone to match her. I never felt like I deserved the spotlight next to her.

“Just tell me something,” she said, as we both observed Kyoto’s night lights slowly fill up the city. “Is it because you met someone else?”

“No,” I said, “that’s not it.”

That was probably my worst mistake of the night, my biggest regret. After all the years of knowing her, she deserved a more honest reply. After exposing her heart and body to me, and being completely vulnerable, I failed to return her honesty.

“I see,” she answered, in a very sad, quiet tone. She simply leaned her head on my shoulder.

She would know that I’m lying, after all the time we’ve spent together. So why did I lie? Maybe because I wasn’t sure I felt that way for Mika. Perhaps I thought I would hurt Eiko more if I told her that despite her efforts, I went to someone else instead. It was a difficult choice, and a terrible one.

“So what do you want to do now?” I asked, wondering where we could go from there. I knew Eiko probably had some concerns about her channel’s future.

“As long as you let me handle it, it will be fine. Just don’t let people see you in public for a while. I can handle it any way I want right?”

“Sure, Eiko,” I said, with a small smile, trying to comfort her. Eiko looked up at my face while leaning on my shoulder, slightly surprised by my expression.

“You’ve changed, Aoi,” she said, as she turned back to observe the beautiful city lights. We both stayed together like that for a while, as nighttime slowly took over Kyoto and the grip of the sunshine gradually set it free.