Truth

"I think I've told you before. I was ten when I became a princess." I kneel down by the water, as I watch the Sapinish parade march by. "I was so happy. So excited. Girls usually don't obsess over princesses by the time they're ten years old, but something about it just...made me excited. I was sad, don't get me wrong. Because the old royal family didn't deserve it. But a part of me was also...excited." I take a deep breath. After a while, I smile and look down to my own fidgeting hands. They're red from the cold, and Alex comes over and puts his hands over mine. They're warm. "Thank you..."

"Don't worry. I'm listening."

There's a public announcement going on that Christmas fireworks start in five minutes.

"I...I wanted to be a good girl. That's what mom and dad said to me when I was little, that I should be good and everything would be alright." 

"Uh huh?" Alex looks at me, patiently waiting. I take another deep breath.

"They meant well. I know they did. It's just..." I sigh. "Maybe I'm just spoiled. I don't know. But I never got to do anything I ever wanted. I tried, I tried so hard to be what they wanted me to be, but I just...I just wanted to do my own thing." I look up. "Honestly, I was kind of a loner even before I was a princess, mind you. But once I got up there, I really didn't have anyone." Tears are beginning to form as I do my best to hold it in. "Everyone always meant well to me. But I'm always just so alone."

"Well..." Alex trails off. He looks at me again.

"I'm not that good at anything in particular. I'm not useful. People tell me I'm pretty but..." I close my eyes. "Maybe that's all I'm good for."

"I don't think so-"

"You think not, but it's true. Princess Sophie Blackmond of Elodia." I lean up against him. "That's...that's the only reason I still matter. That's what my mom and dad said."

We're silent again. The loudspeakers are announcing that the fireworks will happen at the crack of dawn. It's about to start.

"That's not true." Alex says. "You're Sophie." He blushes. "I don't care whether you're Princess Sophie, or peasant Sophie, or random middle class girl Sophie." He stops. "You're the girl I met on that day at the Film Awards." I hug the stuffed animal, now with the cloak piece wrapped around it's neck. "You're the girl I saw on the burning airplane, the one that cried for me despite not knowing who I was." He stops. "You're the girl I had so many fun meetings with. You're the girl that I'm talking with right now. That's not meaningless. That's not. I refuse to let it be. You're you, and I don't care what anyone else says."

I can't. The tears flow. A torrential tide opens as I start crying. I jump into his arms, using his chest to try and hide the sounds. He's flustered at first, but he hugs me back.

He's warm.

"My...my parents also just used me, I think." Alex says. "When I was little, I was really happy because I thought my parents were supportive of me. I liked acting, I liked being in front of a camera. But in retrospect, they just wanted my money." He slumps down on the chair. "I was just a tool for money. And then they ruined everything. They took all the money from me. Everything I did. I was just a toy for them. Probably."

"I'm so sorry you had to go through all that." I wipe the tears from my eyes. "If I could turn everything back and stop both of us from having to be what those adults wanted from us, if we could just have had normal childhoods-"

"No, you're wrong." Alex suddenly stands up. There's a determined sound in his voice, almost defensive. "I'm glad I starred in Knights of the Seven Stars." There's a gentle smile on his face, as if he's deep in thought. "Maybe it didn't turn out well. But I wouldn't trade in that experience for -" His voice trembles. He turns away from me and pauses. "-anything."

"Really?" I look at him, surprised.

"I love acting. If they gave me the opportunity, I still would." He reaches out at the brightly shining lights of the city. "I loved it so much. It was wonderful. I just wish they'd let me back in. I was the hero. The protagonist. In that moment, you are no longer you. You are..." Alex makes a great gesture to...something. "Uh, whatever it is you're playing."

There's a certain lack of regret for the past that I just can't understand. Or perhaps rather, I do, and simply lack the strength to embrace it. After a moment's pause, I finally start speaking again.

"You're brave, Alex. I wish I had courage like that." 

"Huh?"

"I mean, I guess I already knew. Not many others would have jumped into a burning plane like that." I put my hands on my ankles. Another long pause between us.

"You're wrong." Alex response back again. "I'm...I'm not brave. I...I was failing the officer program just before I saved you, you know that? I don't know if I would have done something like that otherwise." He stops. "Hey, Sophie, remember that time I tried to bring up something back at the plane, right?"

"Huh?"

"That was right after my parent's divorce, in high school. I had gotten home after getting into a fight with my classmates. They were making fun of my acting as young Samuel in Knights of the Seven Stars. I mean, they did all the time, but that day was just...different. So I fought back, and..." Alex stops. "When I got home, I tried jumping off of the balcony. Yeah, crazy, right?" He laughs and shrugs. It's nonchalant. As if he didn't just throw one of the heaviest moments in life at me. 

"Alex..."

"But then, I kinda remembered meeting you back during the Film Awards. I figured that if you were still out there, you'd still need me. Or maybe I was just fooling myself. I needed you. So...I didn't, that day. And I told myself I'd become rich and famous again, until I could find you and..." He stops. "My dad wouldn't pay for college unless I joined the military, since my parents had used it all up, so I just sort of found a loophole and joined the Air Force program. I wanted to be like Samuel, and...well, it almost didn't work out." His tone is a bit wobbly now. It's not confident. It's starting to slip.

"What do you mean?"

"I was probably going to end up a nobody at the rate I was going. The war...saved me. And now, I'm a hero because of it." He stops, hyperventilating. "Ballast, Razor, whatever his callsign is now. I don't remember anyone else's names, or even nicknames. But after I saved you, Ballast said I might be a psychopath or something, and he's probably right but-" I put my hand on his. His eyes are filled with panic. Almost as if driven by some kind of madness, I rush in to embrace him again. We hug each other for a brief moment, before I speak up.

"No, you're wrong." I say to him. "I...I don't think you're a psychopath, Alex. And I don't think you're worthless either." We pull away from one another. "You are brave Alex. And you're really, really kind."

"I...you think too well of me."

No Alex. You think too well of me.

The fireworks start up as we look at one another once more. It's 12AM. Christmas Day.

"Huh?"

"The fireworks are beautiful." We stare out at the fireworks once more. "I just...wish I got to see them more often. I never got to go out and see those as a child. I was always locked inside." 

"We can...go outside and look next year, right?"

"Is that a promise?" A large firework explodes behind us.

"Do you...want it to be?" He turns red. "Are you sure? With someone like me..."

He's the same as me, at the end of the day.

"Alex." I tell him. "Promise me."

"I do." He straightens up, almost as if he's a soldier in front of a general.

Well, maybe the comparison isn't entirely off. But I don't want that to be all.

"Hey Alex? Have you...ever dated anyone before?"

"...no. Have...you?"

"Me neither." The fireworks continue to go on behind us. "I...kind of want to try it out. Since I never got to try it before. I don't know if I deserve it, or if we even can just...be a normal couple, but...even if it's just for a moment...you know?"

"Huh? Me?" He looks down. "Someone like me? Are you okay with that? This isn't proper..."

"Maybe I...don't care if this isn't proper."

I climb onto his lap. There might be someone watching us right now, or there might not be. I doesn't matter.

"I just want to do something I want to do right now so...if it's okay with you...?"

"...I'd be honored to." His eyes. They're full of determination, and maybe a bit of lust too, but I shake the latter off. That's not all he is after all. "I'd love to."

We lean into each other slowly. Just as we are millimeters away from one another's faces, we stop.

"Is this really okay?" Alex asks me. "Are...you really okay?

"I am. Does anything else matter?"

"You're right."

For a moment on a snowy Christmas dawn, I feel as if I am free as we share a first kiss.