My Own Prison

“They got me this time… I wasn’t careful.”

Everything was dark around me. I couldn’t see anything except my own body floating in this dark space. One quick look was enough to know I was plunged into my own thoughts, my own mind. I was lost there, with nothing else to do but think, nothing else to do but wander inside with no destination, nobody to talk to. I was alone.

The sound of water flowing all around me, despite not seeing any, was what kept my brain activity at full speed – though it wouldn’t be very useful if I had been put to sleep.

“I wonder what they injected into me. A drug? A tranquilizer? It was fast… They knew what to do. What will happen when I wake up?”

In front of me, light lit up my mind as it formed a distinctive image my eyes could catch and fully receive without being blinded. Despite being in my own mind and logically being the one who should control what appeared before me, I didn’t have that power. I didn’t choose. And yet, it showed me exactly what I craved the most.

“Atsuko? Ah… but you’re just an illusion here in this void…”

She was there – beautiful and radiant as always – illuminating everything around her like the sun bathing the earth when in its first light at dawn.

She had the same long brown hair I remembered from the first time I met her – the hair she didn’t always have when she reincarnated, but when she did, it was a glimpse of joy for my eyes, a breach into a possible world of happiness and an end of this curse, a glimpse of the old Atsuko. Every feature of her face, of her body, was the same, and I felt nothing but sorrow at her presence in my mind – a sweet sorrow, mixed with the bittersweet joy of being able to look at her again.

Staring too long could have killed me – or could have killed her. I couldn’t know, and I didn’t want to know.

“Just a little longer, please… Yes… just a little longer before going back to reality.”

If seeing her dance – twirling in that magnificent long red dress that perfectly hugged her curves – was a gift from my mind to remind me of my goal and give me strength, then I wanted to enjoy it a little longer, to heal the wounds that had opened and plunged everything into darkness.

I collapsed to my knees – but onto nothing. No solid concrete, no ground to bear the weight of my body. My mind weakened, my eyes struggling not to close, as if I would fall into a second sleep after the first – a deeper sleep, one I might never wake from.

With her long, elegant movements, this illusion of Atsuko drew closer, and I couldn't tear my gaze away from her silhouette. When she reached me, she stopped, leaned close to my ear, and whispered a few words I couldn't understand. I heard them – I'm sure I heard them clearly – but it was as if my brain immediately scrambled them, leaving me unable to grasp their meaning.

When she straightened, she looked at me with a gentle smile, and I pretended to return it with the same eagerness.

She kissed her hand and blew me a playful kiss. I tried to reach out and grab her hand.

“Take me with you… don’t leave me here.”

As my thoughts echoed all around me, my body stopped moving, Atsuko froze. The water stopped flowing. Silence reigned.

I tensed.

Pain shot through my arm, making me scream inside this space where no one could hear me – my lips unable to move.

It hurt. The pain was unbearable. I screamed. It hurt. Pain. Suffering. It all crashed into me.

My arm shattered before my eyes, as if it had became nothing more than a fragile glass cup. It broke into pieces. I could do nothing but scream.

Then it was my other arm. Pain. Screams.

My legs. Pain again.

A final scream as I looked at Atsuko one last time through my immeasurable agony.

My head shattered into pieces.

Seconds passed, empty and unmarked, bearing no witness to time itself.

Light slowly returned as my eyes opened with difficulty. I couldn’t see anything at first and needed time to adjust to the blinding brightness.

As my thoughts cleared and stress took over my body, acting in my place, I tried to move my arm to shield my eyes – but I couldn’t. It was stuck. I tried the other – same result, bound to the armrests of a chair. My legs were restrained too. My entire body was immobilized, strapped to a metallic chair.

My eyes finally adjusted as the brightness dimmed, allowing me to look around.

I was in a gray room, probably made entirely of steel – walls, floor, and ceiling alike. To my right stood a large door with a small opening at its center. To my left, centered on the wall, was a television – turned off.

And in front of me was a large mirror, reflecting my own image – my pitiful image.

“So... I’m in some kind of prison cell…? How am I supposed to get out of here?”

I stared at myself. It had been a long time since I last did. I never like seeing my reflection. I knew I was deteriorating day by day, no longer the man I used to be.

“Well… it’s as bad as I thought it would be… Look at the pitiful state you’re in, Ryota.” I smiled and laughed at my reflection.

“You looked better before, Ryota. If there’s one thing I could praise you for, it’s your looks. No wonder Atsuko choose you. If you’d been as ugly as me, you’d never have been able to approach someone like her. But now… look at you. Terror, pain, and sorrow have done their work.”

The voice came from the television, now turned on. I glanced at it and saw a lamp on a bedside table and a large, old armchair where he sat. The voice was unmistakable. Despite the clean suit, black eyes, bandages hiding wounds, polished glasses, and neatly combed hair, I knew immediately – it was Leo.

“Why all of this? Why keep me here? And why act like the mastermind behind everything?” I asked calmly, turning my gaze back on my reflection.

“You’re dirty, ugly – nothing like you used to be. Not that it matters much to me, but seeing your pitiful clothes, your face, your hair… it makes me think that it was easy to break this part of you.” He replied softly.

He was right. I used to be good-looking – not to be pretentious, just slightly above average. I never disliked my reflection before. But now, my white shirt was riddled with holes from Leo’s attack, soaked in blood, half-untucked into my suit trousers, which themselves were torn at the knees and stained with dirt and who knew what else. They bore the marks of struggle – and of my desperate way of living over the past hours... or days. I didn't even know anymore.

Despite my skin remaining untouched thanks to the curse, my face told another story – not physically damaged, but worn down by psychological pain and relentless pressure. I would give anything to erase the dark circles under my green eyes, to shave my beard, to comb my short brown hair properly. I would give anything to be sane again – to be presentable in front of the one I love.

“You’re not answering my questions, Leo.”

Despite everything, I forced myself to stay calm. Anger and agitation would only be useless from my position.

“There might be a way out… even if my options are limited. He might give me an opening if I follow his lead.”

“You’re not in a position to take the lead, don’t you think? What a shame. I would have loved to kill you back in the cave when you were unconscious, but I couldn’t. That's what was agreed upon. So I'm holding back.”

“Tell me why I’m here. What’s the point of all this? Why go after Atsuko after all these years? Don’t you think your obsession went far beyond reason – especially after being locked in a psychiatric hospital!?” I snapped, anger finally breaking through.

“You’re a pain in the ass. Fine, I’ll tell you a bit – I’m feeling generous today.” He leaned forward in his armchair, as if to get even closer to the camera that must have been filming him. “I really don't give a damn about Atsuko anymore. What would have been the point of approaching her, curse or not, if she committed suicide at the simple contact of my hand and I couldn’t have her for my entire life? With the curse, it would have happened endlessly anyway. I gave up on wanting her only for myself. So don’t think you cured her of her trauma in any way. We both know she would have done it – last time was just an exception.”

He paused, then continued with a malicious tone and a cruel laugh.

“I just used her – and the curse – to make you suffer. If I couldn’t have the object of my obsession, I could at least destroy the one who took her from me. The one who beat me nearly to death and sent me to a psychiatric hospital. Yes, Ryota – I’m talking about you. Everything I did was to make you suffer. And it worked. Even the message I sent back then was only meant to make you search for me in vain and drown in your own incompetence… though things didn’t go exactly as planned.”

I looked down at my feet, his laughter filling my ears and pushing my anger to the breaking point. I strained against the restraints, but they didn’t budge.

I glared at the screen.

“Good. You’re looking. Now watch this.”

The image switched to blurry footage from a security camera – an empty street at night. The video zoomed and sharpened, revealing a single figure walking alone.

“Atsuko…” I whispered.

“You recognized her quickly! You really do know her well!” He laughed. “But don’t get your hopes up. I don’t know where she is now – the footage was taken a few day ago. Still, don’t worry. I’ll get to her before you die. I’ll make her suffer one last time right before your eyes, just so you go to your death with all that built-up suffering… pure ecstasy for me.”

His voice filled the room and my head, my thoughts dissolving into rage as my hands clenched the armrests.

“Why do all this instead of killing me now!?” I screamed.

“Because… that's what was agreed upon. I’m simply following the plan. But now I know – I can make my revenge even better.”

A furious scream tore out of me.

I let all my anger loose. I let it completely distort me.