Drop Bear Dumbee, back again

Australia, some time between 2002 and 2024...

"Crikey, mates! Drop Bear Dumbee here. Today, I'm here in the mainland searching for YOU! That's right, I'm looking for junior recruits to help me find... a yowie. A yowie into yaoi. I've found a few in the outback, but some new academics are saying yowies might be walking among us in town. That's why I've come here to search. But this city's so big, so I'll be recruiting some fine zoologists to help me. Let's find em! But first..." 

The camera panned over to a shirtless man drumming on glass bottles before panning back to Dumbee, who began to sing and dance. "In the Wild outback, heard ya gotta pack, cuz everything's out to kill ya, mate. Bring a didgeridoo, and a coconut too, and boomerang, boomerang, rang, rang, rang, rang. Do a kangaroo hop, like a breaking Raygun, yaoi kiss a capybara in a dingo pack. Eat your eucalyptus leaves and watch the crocs, cuz DBD's in a land down under! Da,da,da,da,da,da, DOWN UNDER! Crikey, mates! I smell a barbie! Might be a yaoi yowie cooking capybara meat. Tornado like a tazzy devil n' kangaroo box, drop kick like a drop bear on Ares rock, and bite like a spider from a skull in a hole. Cuz DBD's in a land down under! Da,da,da,da,da,da, DOWN UNDER!"

Dumbee then began hopping along the sidewalk like a kangaroo, attracting odd stares. "Crikey, mate, I smell a barby!" he exclaimed as a whiff of smoke caught his nose's attention.

Following the scent, he hopped into the backyard of some guys.

"Hey what fuck are you doing here? What's with the TV cameras?" the guy at the barbecue fumed.

"Crickey, mates, it's a yowie," Dumbee whispered at the camera as he pointed towards a fat hairy guy with a neckbeard.

"Yowie? No, that's just Brad, mate. He's just fat... n' hairy."

Dumbee didn't care, and ran up to Brad, slipping copies of yaoi hentai novels under his hairy armpits.

"What's this? Free gay sex shit? Right on," Brad nodded as he yanked out the novels and began reading them.

"The Yowie among us, and there's plenty more, mate," Dumbee smiled at the camera.

"Fucking weeb, Brad. Ey, can you cunts get out of backyard?" the barbecue guy growled.

"WATCH OUT! IT'S A DROP BEAR, MATE!" Dumbee cried as a stuffed koala suddenly came flying towards the barbecue.

"AHHH! FUCK! FUCK!" the barbecue guy cried as the stuffed koala was alit with flames.

...

Hopping around some more, Dumbee met up with a smooth bald man garbed in attire similar to his own, save for the boot-cut beige jeans and cowboy boots.

"Hey, mate. Name's Slim. Smooth Slim," the man stated.

"Drop Bear Dumbee, number one zoologist."

"You study crocs? I saw one in me pool last night."

"Was it playing bongos?"

"Bongos? No. Don't own no bongos, so it wouldn't be chomping em. The neighbors? Don't know."

Suddenly, the cameraman began laughing manically and jiggling a stuffed panda plush before the camera.

"Crikey, mate! We gotta dance to the beat!" Dumbee grinned as he began "dancing", leaving Slim speechless.

"I'm gonna need to bleach me brain after seeing that," Slim grumbled.

Resuming his journey, Dumbee stumbled upon a group of college girls.

"Crikey, mate! A pack of wild sheilas!" Dumbee smiled at the camera.

"You wot? Fucking perv, wanna taste of some CBT?" one of the girls fumed.

""See BT"? Course I can see BT, mate."

The girls all looked at each other, dumbfounded.

...

Standing in a park, Dumbee gestured the camera towards his "zoologist helpers", Slim, the college girls, and the half-burnt barbecue guy, who now had all his hair singed off. "Here are all my zoologist helpers. Crispin, here is extra special for bein a Yowie handler."

"Fucking cunt, I'm burned n' bald thanks to you! And my name ain't "Crispin", it's Mack! Mack like fucking Macintosh!" the barbecue guy fumed.

Dumbee didn't seem to care and continued on. "We found one Yowie into yaoi among us, but there's gotta be more, so we're gonna mobilize and search the place."

Everyone but Mack wearily nodded. "Where's my compensation, cunts!?" 

"Over there, mates! Watch out!" Dumbee cried as he suddenly pointed up at the sky. 

Everyone began running as Mack slowly looked up to see what looked like a wildebeest falling towards him. With a mighty SPLAT, the "wildebeest bust into goopy custard, encasing Mack in it. 

As Mack's muffled cries rang out, crew members began rushing towards him as the camera feed cut out. 

...

Slim slowly walked through town, eventually finding his path blocked by a mustachioed man in an explorer's outfit.

"Oh good day, sir. I'm sir Mon- Luigi Worthsworth. Would you like to buy some land in the metaverse?"

"I ain't looking for land, mate," Slim frowned.

"Oh no, no, no, this isn't "land", it's digital real-estate! And it's cheap! So just give me your money and in say, a millennia or three, you'll only be operating at a small loss, financially. Great deal, if I so say."

"Yeah, no."

...

Meanwhile, the college girls found themselves confronted by none other than the Ketsuketsu trio.

"Ore wa ketsu ga daisuki desu," Ketsuketsu grumbled.

"He says it's toll time. Someone's gotta go bald," Ravioli grumbled.

"Um, no! Why would we pay a toll like that!?" one of the girls fumed.

"Cuz you just stepped into to rice paddies, motherfucker!" Shitty Sal cackled as he began to squat and jiggle.

The girls did the smart thing and turned around to head back, except their path was blocked by a werewolf with an inflatable guitar.

"GUITAR WEREWOLF!" the cameraman shouted as he tossed one of the girls an inflatable guitar.

"Wait, what the fuck is this!?"

"Hon, hon, hon! You must win ze guitar battle, or it ez ze razor for you!" the werewolf laughed as he somehow strung a chord on his inflatable guitar, sending the girl with the inflatable guitar blasting back into a conveniently placed salon chair.

Metal clamps sprung forth from the chair, restraining the girl as the Ketsuketsu trio giddily crowded around her.

"Ya blew it, bitch!" Shitty Sal laughed as he and Ravioli pulled out the clippers and began shearing the poor girl.

Her friends watched in disbelief as the werewolf began to sing a song. "You are bald, bald, bald. You are bald, bald, bald. Did you think you were bright? Non non, you're shite. You are bald, bald, bald. Gonna be hairless for the rest of your life. You are bald, bald, bald. You've screwed up bad and you're getting humiliated, you are so so bald, and soon your brain cells will be depleted, you are so so fucked. You're now the dumb defeated creamy witch. You are bald, bald, bald. If you weren't gagged you'd scream like a bitch. You are bald, bald, bald. You've screwed up bad and you're getting humiliated, you are so so bald, and soon your brain cells will be depleted, you are so so fucked. Hon Hon, poor bitch now you're bald like a monk. You look like a Naked mole rat alien, covered in icky gunk. No more hair for you. How does it feel to be bald? (You are bald, bald, bald. ) You fucked up, now you're a bald disgrace, maybe someone will still find you hot out in outer space, Aovre wa, sayonara, I'm off to visit your mother, mademoiselle. No redos for you smoothy. You are bald, bald, bald. You are bald, bald, bald..."

When the song was finished, the trio parted away from the restrained girl to reveal her now hairless state. "My- My life is over," the girl smiled and sobbed before fainting on the spot.

...

Gathering everyone back at the park, Dumbee did the outro. Looks like we discovered a lot of new critters roaming around, but that's all the time we got for now, mates," he smiled as he waved at the camera.

[End]