CH-6 (THE RAIN THAT SOAKED HER-1)

It was pouring heavily that day.

News agencies across the country had already warned about the fierce torrential downpour that the country would face. People were advised to not to go outside, unless absolutely necessary. Schools and offices across the nation were shut down. It was so severe that even the trains had to be cancelled.

But, for Kurosawa Emi, perhaps this heavy downpour brought solace to her otherwise burdened heart. She did not heed any warnings that day, and had decide to just get away from the suffocating place that she called “home”.

She hated living in it, with every fibre of her being. So much so, that she never wished to return back.

All she wanted was for the rain to wash her away.

Every day was torturous for her, ever since she watched those two drift apart. Those two, who were supposed to be her parents, were the most precious people in her life. She cherished them, more than anyone else in the world.

Kurosawa Emi had lived a normal childhood. What she didn’t know, however, was the fact that that this normal life, that she desperately cherished, was soon to come to an end.

You see, even if she was brought up in a normal household, her parents were anything but normal.

Her father, Kurosawa Takashi, was a legendary actor, known for his heart throbbing performance in a multitude of films. A highly talented individual, Mr. Kurosawa had a really amazing track record in the world of cinema, with him winning an Oscar as well.

Similarly, her mother, Kurosawa Hana, was a notable and talented author, with her works being adapted into several movies. She had also won the Booker Prize for one of her novels that she had published, gaining her popularity like never before.

Emi was born out of their wedlock.

Her parents tried to raise her normally, to provide her a normal childhood that she rightfully deserved.

On the surface, everything was normal.

However, it soon became clear to Emi that what was happening in her house was not normal. She could hear her parents argue late at night, when she pretended to sleep in her room.

At first, it was difficult for a child like her to understand the topics of their arguments.

But, even so, she kept on listening, and was eventually able to piece together the complete truth.

Her father was committing adultery behind their backs, albeit he had tried his best to keep it under wraps. He had started it, even before Emi was born. It stretched longer that she could even imagine.

However, even after knowing the ugly truth about her own father, Emi decided to act innocent, and go about her own life, pretending to be the child her parents loved. She started working harder than others, both in studies, and extracurriculars, just to earn the praise and attention of her parents. She wanted to make them proud. She wanted to feel loved, to be desired, for, she was scared to lose what she already had, even if deep down, she knew for a fact that the happiness she desperately craved for, was nothing but an illusion, something she will never be able to attain. She knew very well that this ‘pretend family’ of hers wouldn’t last long. Yet, she desperately wanted to preserve it, for she believed that the love she felt towards her family was genuine.

Her fears were proven accurate, when she got to learn one day that her parents were about to be separated, and that they were officially filing for divorce.

Deep down, she knew that this was inevitable. Yet, she had a faint hope that maybe, just maybe her love would reach them. Maybe, she thought that her parents would see the error in their ways, and would not proceed to do something that would eventually break the family apart.

Unfortunately, things turned out for the worst, when one day, she came back to see her apartment without any inhabitants. Her mother had left a note stating that she would return someday later, as she was busy with her new job working as an editor for a magazine.

As for her father, well, she had explicitly written, to not to expect him return after that day, as he had left Japan for USA permanently for his work.

But Emi was aware about the truth. She had stumbled across her father’s secret diary and an album with a white cover on accident, while she was cleaning the house herself. Looking into it, she found pictures of her father’s second life, the affair that was the topic of the argument between him and her mom. It had pictures of a different woman, with long, golden hair, and two other little girls, most probably her daughters, with one being around her age. However, what shocked her the most, was to see her father’s bright smile in those pictures, almost too brightly. She had forgotten the last time her father had even looked her in the eyes, and had smiled at her, the way he was smiling in those pictures. He looked genuinely happy, unlike the gloomy face that he would usually wear at their house.

An inexplicable urge of jealousy creeped into her, as she stared down at those pictures. In her mind, she was cursing the other woman for stealing away her father. She was enraged, so much so that she had picked up the album just to tear it down, when suddenly she noticed something fall out from one of its pages.

It was a picture of the other woman, and her father, except, in this one, he was crying profusely, while his second wife laid peacefully on the hospital bed, with her eyes closed, and her children hugging her, in sorrow.

That’s when it dawned to her.

The second wife, was already dead.

And these girls, one who was almost her age, had lost someone precious to them, on the hands of fate.

And here she was, cursing them. She really felt ashamed of herself, as she decided to flip the photograph, to find a sentence written down that read:

“I still miss you, my dear Himari.”

Eventually, looking through her father’s album and diary, she had finally managed to learn the complete truth.

The two girls, of whom, Ayako was the eldest, and Akeno, the youngest. To protect their identity, they had inherited the surname of their mother, as well as a token of remembrance.

And worst of all, they had cut ties with their father, in order to live alone.

Knowing the truth was devastating for a child such as Emi. But, more than anything, what she felt was guilt.

The guilt of robbing another family’s happiness.

The guilt of stealing their father from them.

If only she had never been born,

if only had my father not married my mother,

those girls would have a functional family, and more importantly, their father.

You see, for someone her age, Emi was forced to grow up pretty rapidly, in order to navigate the harsh world of adults, and to prioritize the feelings of others above hers. She knew it was a necessary sacrifice, in order for her family to stay intact.

However, a series of bad decisions forced her family to separate before her very eyes. Therefore, the reasons, why she pushed herself, to succeed had practically vanished. Lonely nights, empty rooms, and dead silence- that’s what she was met with every day, when she returned back home. Eventually, this shift caused her behavior and attitude to change drastically. She became gloomy, distant, and short tempered. As a result, her academics took a toll, and the friends that she once had, left her.

Eventually. She started skipping school altogether, having fed up with the system. She would spend most of her time roaming around in the arcade, playing games, smoking cigarettes, and whatnot. Eventually, she started returning back late to her house.

But, as bad as it sounds, she still had the faintest of hope. She thought that things were about to change for the better, when she got a message from her dad one day that he would soon return back to Japan, to celebrate her birthday, along with her mother, who was presently on a business trip to Hokkaido.

Unfortunately, God seemed to have other plans for her, as on the day of his arrival, it was announced that Japan would experience heavy torrential rainfall, along with typhoon. As such, all the flights and subsequently, trains remained cancelled, due to severe weather conditions.

So, the chance she thought she had of getting back her family together, even it was just for a single day, was washed away by rain.

Sitting alone in her cold, dark room, Emi felt claustrophobic. She had already bought all the decorations, made sure to buy enough supplies of snacks, and even bought a cake, even if it was just for a single day. This house, that she had spent her entire childhood in, where she had such fond memories growing up, started to fell almost suffocating. She hated the lights, the walls, and even the floors. Somehow, she just wanted to escape, for to her, it felt nothing short of hell.

As such, even after repeated warnings, she decided to run away from her own apartment, and sprinted aimlessly.

The rain soaked her from head to toe, as she kept running aimlessly, without a specific destination in mind. Finally, when she found an abandoned park nearby, she decided to sit on one of its swings, as she was tired of running. She desperately needed to cool her head off.

“Haha…”

“Hahaha…..”

“Hahahaha……..”

“Hahahahaha….. Wahhhhhhhhhh!”

Tears started pouring down her eyes, mixing with rainwater in the process.

She had lost everything she held dear in her life. Her family, her purpose, her sense of self, and even her place to go back to. She felt broken, beyond repair. The one chance she had, of fixing everything, was miraculously ruined by her fate. With nowhere else to go, she just decided to sit on the swing, staring aimlessly, while it poured heavily.

“Maybe, this is where it ends”, she thought to herself. Honestly, it seemed like a far better alternative than returning back to the place named “home”. 

But suddenly, her thought process was interrupted by a sudden shade that blocked the rain from pouring on her head. Surprised, she looked up, only to find a boy around her age, holding up an umbrella, covering her head.

The next couple of seconds were blurry to her, for she tried to stand up, while the boy was asking her something.

And moments later, she collapsed.