Mika's Future

“Here,” said Mr. Hiroaki, excited. “These are for motion capture. Put these on just like this diagram says.” Mr. Hiroaki handed me some devices that were tagged as sensors, and then put some on himself. The room was just like the studio I was playing in, but instead of instruments it was full of strange props and devices. It was also messy.

After putting on the devices, Mr. Hiroaki aligned some cameras to our bodies for extra tracking. He then turned on a large screen, in which I could see myself moving through a strange skeleton-like figure.

“It’s amazing!” I said, impressed. I moved all my limbs and walked around the room.

“That’s not all, look!” Mr. Hiroaki started changing how we appeared on the screen. We had a fun time experimenting with different models of animals and pop culture characters. “Aren’t these incredible?” he asked.

“Yeah, these are awesome, I didn’t know this was possible!”

“We have impressive motion capture actors that record on these devices. They can do all sorts of things.” Mr. Hiroaki then played clips of the actors doing several stunts, including martial art moves and other things that I had thought impossible. “We have this place to make dreams come true. Also, related to my offer…” Mr. Hiroaki pulled up more clips from the computer, this time showing a model of what seemed like an anime style character.

The clip he played had a bright girl, with a mix of yellow and red colored hair, talking as she hosted a variety show with two others. She effortlessly maneuvered around the room, with amazing movement. She also led the conversation with the others very naturally. It was a mixture of comedy and cuteness that was hard to dislike, and easy to laugh and enjoy. She was truly an entertainer. She squeezed a smile out of me, even in that strange artificial environment, in which I was still full of worries.

“And, something more your style…” Mr. Hiroaki changed the video to one with the same lead girl once again, this time alone, standing on what seemed to be a beach by herself. The water and many parts of the scene were fully animated, and a few moments later, the girl started singing.

She had a well trained voice that was definitely amazing. I could see she put a lot of effort into it, and she smoothly sang in what looked like a fantasy music video. My eyes were glued all the way through, as I listened attentively to her singing.

“She’s… amazing,” I said with difficulty. I was moved by her skill, and her song.

“Yeah, she is.” He seemed quite serious for the first time in a long time. “She’s a natural.”

“A puppet, huh.” I finally understood Mr. Hiroaki's explanation, even though I had never seen a puppet myself.

“Yeah but-” Mr. Hiroaki returned to his usual smiling self after sensing my discomfort. “Don’t try to compare yourself to her just yet. She wanted to be a professional actress and has been working for something like this her whole life.”

“So it’s all acting for her? Is this what she wants to do?” I asked, full of curiosity.

“Well, you’re going to have to ask her yourself,” he said with a grin. I started growing anxious, I had a feeling what he was going to say next. “Would you like to be a part of her team?”

I found myself paralyzed by his offer. I didn’t feel like I had done a good job at the studio, and I didn’t think I could match even a fraction of that girl’s energy. And even if I didn't have to, this all seemed fun, but completely outside of my comfort zone. I have to do all this to share my music? How much work and effort besides the music itself is that going to require? I was full of questions, and Mr. Hiroaki sensed my hesitation.

“Again, try not comparing yourself to her,” he said, trying to reassure me. “The other two in that show, they’re very talented at what they do, but they do not have the star power that she does. I think you could learn a lot from her. Don’t think you have to match her right away, let her be the force that drives you forward instead." Mr. Hiroaki’s words made me think somewhat more positively, but I was still overloaded by questions and worries.

Someone knocked on the studio’s door. An employee handed him a USB drive and then respectfully walked out of the room.

“Here,” he said to me, “this is yours.”

“What is it?” I asked, confused.

“It’s your first album. We mixed something together so you could take it home as a souvenir.”

I was deeply moved by the gift, finding it hard to reply. “Thank you Mr. Hiroaki, I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything, don’t worry. And you can keep those clothes too. I want you to have a good memory of this place. Even if I don’t see you again, you can remember it as a happy experience,” said Mr. Hiroaki with a warm, kind tone in his voice. “Did you have fun?”

“I did,” I answered, confused as to why a boss figure like him would ask me that.

“That’s good then. I have to go soon. Let me know within two weeks. You have my card, look up the team's content, and Mika-” He paused, turning to a more serious expression. “I can see a glimpse of beauty in your music, but you might need to work a lot on it. This might be a difficult life, you might have to put a lot of effort into it and might not see much in return. The price for more people hearing your music is that you will run into negative opinions of it, too, and negative opinions about you. You might have to make sacrifices, as well. Thoroughly think about it, and be prepared, but don't be scared.”

Mr. Hiroaki wasted no time after that, escorting me quickly to the entrance of the building. He gave me another contact card in case I lost the first one, and reminded me of the deadline for my response.

The way back home seemed like it went by in an instant. The thoughts in my head seemed incredibly hard to contain. The train, with all its people and noises, blurred into the background.

Before I knew it I was in my bedroom lying down, and my thoughts were still a mess. Everyone I met in that place was incredibly talented at what they did. Compared to them, I felt like I was a child playing with toys, not understanding the real difficulty and scale that kind of life had. I looked at the USB that Mr. Hiroaki gave me, wondering if I could even manage to record something decent after the time I spent there. It was too scary to listen to, I couldn’t. I might’ve not been able to face the fact that I’m simply not good enough to belong there.

I desperately tried to stop myself from spiraling into negativity. If Mr. Hiroaki had invited me there, it was because he believed in my potential. Yet I’ve never been so impressed by the skills of people I’d met, including the team he wanted me to work with. Even the session musician that recorded with me needed little direction to perform exactly as expected. I felt incredibly inadequate, and found it hard to believe in my own strengths.

And it was even worse when I thought of the Vtuber he showed me in the studio. I didn’t have a fraction of the charisma or talking skills that she did, and her singing was incredible. It was humbling to realize that I was merely a girl with a guitar, pursuing a childish dream, completely unaware of what it was that I had to do to get to the point where I could face the real world like she did. In comparing myself, the one thing Mr. Hiroaki told me not to do, I started being overwhelmed by a feeling of despair that I had never felt before. I believed I was so close to achieving my dream, yet at the same time I felt so incredibly far from her. I thought I had gathered all the strength and determination that I needed to pursue that path, but it still wasn’t enough.

The emotional pain felt like I was being stabbed in every part of my body and soul. My past, my skills, my emotions... They all seemed weak and vulnerable. The identity I had been building up throughout my life started to crash in a spectacular way.

All I could do in the end was quietly cry in my room, and eventually, I was tired enough to simply close my eyes, and fall asleep.