Alive

Everything was peaceful – the calm after the storm, the rainbow after the rain, the soothing tranquility of a place where chaos no longer reigned as a tormentor, where silence was almost king, even amidst the clicking of the still-malfunctioning neon lights.

Despite having walked so much, it was as though I had made no progress. I was still there, in the same corridor, under the same red lights, under the same haunting pressure and stress of what might happen. The apparent calm was merely a facade, concealing dangers lurking within the walls, observing intently and potentially waiting for the right moment to attack and inflict maximum damage.

I was here. I felt the weight of this fear. I was here in this corridor, not knowing if I would ever be able to leave this place.

But here I was, standing before a body stirring very gently, as if waking up – taking deep breaths as if it had just escaped drowning and was trying to regain its footing in reality, tasting this air poisoned by fear and sweat.

“He’s… alive…” I replied, a bag of mixed emotions weighing on my words, answering the question the doll had asked me.

The sight unfolding before me was confusing and left me speechless. I straightened and watched as Leo slowly woke from his long dream, the doll peeking its head out of the backpack to observe what was happening, even though it had no working eyes.

“How could he not be dead? Not after all of that…”

He propped himself up on his arms – finally letting go of his weapon – hovering just above the ground that had welcomed his face only seconds earlier. His mouth was dry, thirsty, opening and closing repeatedly as if demanding water to appear before him, like an adventurer searching for an oasis in the middle of the desert.

Raising his head, he looked around to take in the situation and to become aware of his own body, half-lying on the ground that felt so cold.

“Leo…” His name slipped from my mouth with more anger than I had expected.

His face turned toward mine, and only then did he notice my presence. His expression collapsed, growing pale, fear crawling back into his skin. His limbs lost their strength, his arms nearly giving way under his weight, barely catching him before his face smashed into the ground again.

He shot to his feet, legs trembling, not even sure they could support him for long. He couldn’t stand straight in front of me, bowing his head and groveling, displaying a posture far more inferior than the pseudo-superiority he had imposed on me just minutes earlier.

He babbled incomprehensible sounds that I couldn’t catch, nor ever understand – barely words at all, more like muffled noises from a mind racing at full speed, fueled by a terror so intense it confused me. I was no longer as afraid as I had been earlier, when I feared taking a bullet to the chest.

I didn’t move, my face showing nothing but disgust and resentment mixed with anger. Facing him like this was painful. Seeing the man who had been so cocky reduced to terror, seemingly begging for his life, was unbelievable. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend his behavior.

“Where… wh… Where are we…?” Leo didn’t lift his head, only glanced over his glasses, his gaze avoiding mine. He was terrified. His lips trembled, his voice weak, as if speaking normally would hurt him.

I didn’t answer. I just watched him continue.

“That’s not the hospital… Did… did you come to… beat me up… again, Ryota…? How did you bring me here…? How did security let you…? How…? You already beat the shit out of me… look at my face…” Leo caressed his face thoroughly, still avoiding my eyes. Then he froze, dropping his arms to his sides. “How… am I healed…? That’s not normal… that’s strange…!” He shouted, fear overtaking him as tears streamed down his face.

“How the hell!? Is this another one of your bad jokes? Quit it, Leo! This won’t get you anywhere! You’ve lost, here and now!” Hearing him complain made my blood boil.

I gritted my teeth as Leo stepped back, startled by my tone.

“I just want to know where I am… and why you’re here… you’ll be the one going to the police this time…!” He continued.

“Something’s off. He’s not normal right now. Could it be…? No. Impossible. That wouldn’t make any sense.”

He curled in on himself to protect his head as I moved closer.

“Because of you, my life is ruined… I can’t even finish high-school like this…” He said through tears, but none of his words reached me. They never could.

“High-school…? Oh no… it’s exactly as I thought! Fuck!”

I clenched my fists and slammed them into the wall, trying to vent out my frustration.

“This constant reversal of superiority since the other day is starting to seriously piss me off.”

I rushed toward him, heavy footsteps echoing, anger written across my face. I grabbed his collar, gripping tightly so he couldn’t escape.

“You remember nothing at all!? All this pain you inflicted on us!? Search your fucking mind – if there’s anything left in that pathetic brain! You have no right to forget the suffering, the curse, and act like this! You have no right to forget all the times she died because of you!”

I threw him to the ground, where he lay staring at me in fear and confusion.

“I don’t… understand what you’re talking about…” Leo whispered.

“There isn’t a single trace of vengeance, rage, or even a wicked intent to lie behind those eyes… He really lost his memories… why now, of all moments…?” The realization disturbed me deeply. I couldn’t even look at him without a surge of anger burning through my mind.

As I drifted into thought, Leo began crawling backward, slowly, trying not to draw my attention – too late. My eyes never left him.

“If his memories are erased… how can I find her? How can I do anything? I can’t move forward like this… He's no longer aware of what just happened, or of anything that came before. It's as if he's returned to high-school, just after having been put into a psychiatric hospital... he no longer remembers the period that followed… no longer aware… aware…”

A sudden idea struck me, startling and confusing me.

“My notebooks… why didn’t I check them earlier…? Right – I forgot them… but I remember…”

I grabbed my head, rubbing my hair rapidly, trying to fully recall everything, my mind racing, thoughts colliding inside my skull and echoing through it.

“According to my research and the conversations I had with priests willing to share information… curses have evolved over time, and people can no longer cast them without a conscious recipient – which is themselves – thus carrying the curse's origin within their own minds. Unlike before, a curse can no longer persist once the caster’s awareness is lost or after they have died.”

Another realization hit me. My face froze, then twisted into a strange smile – shock and joy intertwined.

“So if Leo is no longer aware… if he has forgotten everything about it… then maybe the curse has been lifted. Maybe it no longer has the power to exist… or does it? I don’t know. I’ll have to test this theory.”

I stepped back, keeping my gaze locked on Leo as he continued crawling away, waiting for an opening to escape. I wouldn’t give him one.

My foot struck what I was looking for. I crouched and picked it up without looking.

The rifle.

I held it carefully, feeling its weight, adjusting my grip without ever taking my eyes off him. Holding it in my right hand, my finger resting on the trigger, I readied it. I was ready to fire, ready to make it spit out a bullet.

“I have to do it…”

My breathing quickened, my heart pounding, blood rushing through my veins.

“I have to do it.”

My right hand trembled.

“Do it!”

My hand stopped trembling. My grip tightened.

“Do it! Fuck!” I shouted.

Without thinking anymore, I raised my left feet and glanced at it for a brief second to fix its position.

I pointed the rifle over it, without letting the two make contact.

I didn’t think.

I didn’t watch.

I shot.

A muffled noise reached me first, followed by a heavier one – the detonation – then my ears began to ring.

My nose filled with the stench of gunpowder.

My adrenaline didn’t allow me to think or process the seconds that followed.

My burst of courage was like playing a dangerous game with an uncertain outcome. I was taking a risky gamble without knowing what my real gains and losses would be.

I looked down, still stunned, my vision blurred, not quite realizing what I had just done.

A pool of blood had formed beneath my feet – crimson blood, my own.

“I feel… no pain… Adrenaline, maybe? Or…”

My body trembled. I began to regret, to fear what had happened, so much that I could have cried, but I restrained myself. I was still too deep in shock.

I heard a scream and raised my head, seeing Leo on his feet, staring at me in utter terror, even paler than before, crying.

What I had done – and what he had witnessed – might have terrified him, showing him what I was capable of.

Though his legs threatened to give out, he turned and ran as fast as he could, as far away from me as possible.

I looked back at my wound.

Deception.

Sadness.

My heart wrenching.

Yet a feeling of relief spread through my body – a tangled mix of emotions that made me doubt, confuse my thoughts, but pulled me back to reality.

The crimson blood pouring freely from the bleeding wound at the center of my foot, where the bullet had pierced through, was hypnotizing.

But I was somehow relieved.

I was relieved to feel my bones, muscles, joints, tendons, and flesh repairing themselves rapidly, without me being able to act or even feel physical pain – adrenaline had played no part in it.

The pool of blood my gaze had been fixed upon became nothing more than a fading memory as the life-giving fluid flowed back into me, returning through the wound, which closed completely despite the bullet having passed through. My foot became what it had been. There was no trace of what had happened, except for my shoe, torn at the top and sole by the bullet.

I lifted my foot and examined it, as if assessing the repairs, and when I looked at the point of impact, I saw the bullet embedded in the ground, having shattered the soil into a small crater all around it.

I sighed in relief as I took a step.

But I was disappointed. It was the only emotion I could show.

“I can still walk. I’m not hurt. I don’t feel pain. I can still continue. But… it didn’t work… the curse is still here despite everything… the test led to nothing. Hurting myself badly was the only way to test whether I would really heal… I had nothing else in mind or within my reach to test this theory… Is this curse unbreakable…? I’m… devastated. It shouldn’t be like this.”

Raising my head, I could still see Leo running down the corridor. He was still in sight.

Just seeing him caused the frustration from this failed pseudo-experience and the rage born from the fact that so many things were his fault to swell inside me – a silent anger, more destructive than anything else.

My face was smooth, rejecting the psychological pain, showing only the seriousness of the situation and my resolve.

I ran after him, rifle in hand. I chased him like a predator chasing its prey. I was the one to be feared in that moment, not the one who had been afraid earlier.

Leo wasn’t fast – it’s something that had never changed – especially with fear not helping him run faster, but instead making him stagger even more.

It took barely a minute to catch up to him, and as I closed the distance, I landed a heavy punch squarely in his back.

He fell to the ground once again, sliding several meters under the force of the impact.

I stopped a meter away from him and aimed the weapon at him, holding it with both hands for stability, ensuring my aim was steady. My finger rested on the trigger, ready to shoot him in cold blood.

“I don’t feel any pity for you, Leo. What you did, who you really are, it's all unforgivable.” I said coldly, hiding my clenched teeth behind my lips so my anger wouldn’t show. “Amnesiac or not, everything you've done must be etched deep within your soul. And even beyond that, as long as Atsuko and I suffer, it will always be your fault, whether you remember it or not. Besides... even if you truly are ‘amnesiac’, you're only amnesiac about what happened after high-school, not what happened during it. Those actions alone justify mine – unforgivable acts on your part.”

I began to press the trigger. Leo stuttered, trying to form words, but he couldn’t spear or move. He was paralyzed by fear. I savored every last drop of it.

I felt confident. I knew I wouldn’t regret it. It would be over for him after this. The world would be free of this monster.

“Ryota!”

I felt something climb onto my leg, move up my back, and settle on my shoulder, clinging to it. I turned my head. Small hands, a tiny porcelain body – I recognized it immediately. The doll was on me.

“How… how did you… get here?” I stuttered, confused.

“Just before you chased after him, I jumped off the backpack and clung to your leg to get here.”

“But… why are you only moving now…? Weren’t I supposed to carry you?”

“That’s not the matter right now. You should stop what you were about to do. And I should stop remaining silent and pretending I was completely unable to move. I had to start moving on my own right now. Even when I was pulling your hair, cutting your bonds, peeking my head out, or simply agitating inside the backpack out of fear – you never truly realized that I could move. I had to force you to realize it like this. And I need to tell you more. The situation is far too dangerous – for killing him, and for us to keep acting like this.” The doll said quickly, without stuttering.

“Stop now? I can’t. I want to kill him now. I can’t wait. I can’t not do it. I have to do it, you understand?” I replied violently.

I looked back at Leo, pissing himself, a yellowish puddle spreading beneath him.

I readied my weapon again and was about to shoot when darkness blocked my view.

“What are you doing, doll?” I shouted.

“Don’t do this! You’ll regret it!”

“I could never regret something like this. I would even be relieved to see him die!”

“We can still use him! Do you understand? Even without his memories, he can still be useful to get out of here and find the things we both want! We can still use him! Listen to me.”

We waited like this for a few minutes. I was unable to move or do anything to the doll. I tried to raise my hand to grab it, but stopped halfway, lowered it, and gave up.

I didn’t understand why.

I lowered my weapon, the doll removing its porcelain hands from my face and allowing me to see again as it sensed that I had calmed down a bit.

The doll climbed down and walked in front of Leo, staring at him.

I watched the scene, watching Leo’s fearful face decompose as the doll approached him.

Seeing him in this state could do nothing but fuel my rage. It was too much for me – for my heart and for my mind.

“Doll… I can’t. Watching him just makes the rage resurface again and again…” I uttered, my voice broken by ragged breaths.

“Keep it in. At least for the moment.” It replied coldly.

“How am I supposed to keep it in? Every time I see him, I remember everything he did – the pain he inflicted on us. It makes me want to throw up. I can’t! I can’t! Everything he did ten years ago… we were only fifteen years old… I can’t! I can’t erase that scene from my memory. Atsuko may not have even fully recovered from the trauma of him laying his dirty hands on her. He did that to her. He hurt her. I arrived too late – everything was already done! I can’t bear to see his face! And you’re telling me to keep it in? You’re telling me to hold inside ten years of rage and hatred that I’ve already kept bottled up for too long, to the point it was about to overflow!? I can’t. This pig did things to her before and then continued everything with this curse. I can’t let go of the memories that stain my mind!”

“I know all of that! My memories are connected to yours! I know what happened and what you went through! I’m saying this because I know!” The doll shouted as it turned toward me, even though it had no face to convey its rage.

Tears streamed down my face – tears of anger. My teeth were clenched, my free hand balled into a fist. I was overwhelmed by an anger I couldn’t express in any other way.

It hurt deep inside.

It hurt to remember everything so vividly.