Rendezvous Under the Rain

A couple of strong storms marked the tail end of that summer in Tokyo, and the start of the fall. The clouds lingered over Mika’s neighborhood, pouring water into the Shakujii river. In the park where Mika and Aoi had met, that Wednesday, they would meet again.

Mika stood in the park, under the light, with a large, transparent umbrella. She wore a fashionable outfit that day, with an oversized sweater, a skirt, a cute scarf, and some stockings.

Aoi crossed the bridge and headed to the park like he always did, wearing a stylish beige jacket over a buttoned shirt, and the glasses he was used to wearing around her. A large, dark blue umbrella sheltered him from the elements.

They both met at the same time they had been meeting before, but the rain, and the two weeks that had passed since their last meeting, made it feel like that night would be entirely different.

“Hi, traveler, welcome back to Tokyo,” said Mika as she waved towards Aoi.

“I’m glad to be back,” he said, with a smile that surprised even himself. They both stood in the park, looking at the rain and the wind dancing all around them.

“So, it’s not a good time to sit in a park,” said Mika awkwardly.

“I don’t mind it,” answered Aoi, surprising her.

“W… well,” she stammered, “Everywhere is pretty full right now, would you like to come… to our apartment instead?”

“Sure,” answered Aoi calmly.

Mika, while nervous that he accepted her offer, was also happy that they could be together somewhere private for the first time. Mika then motioned Aoi to follow her, and they both walked together, with a comfortable distance between them, trying to avoid splashing water onto each other with their umbrellas.

“So I heard a popular video creator toured the neighborhood, and now everywhere is full of people so…” Mika hesitated before continuing, “I thought I could just invite you home instead.”

“I see. Yes, they can be quite disruptive…”

“I feel a bit bad that I’m not at work today… they must be really busy right now.”

“I’m sure they can manage,” said Aoi reassuringly.

They both made their way to Mika’s apartment, where her mom was given notice to not be there in advance.

As they both took their shoes and sweaters off, Aoi couldn’t help but be curious about Mika’s living conditions. He looked around the small kitchen and living room. For a moment, he felt that the distance between them was immense, that maybe they would never be able to truly understand each other. He was used to far larger and decorated places, ever since he was very young. Mika unknowingly dispelled his fears.

“Oh the walls? Yeah me and my mom don’t really like clutter so ever since we came to Tokyo we’ve been uh… what’s the word.”

“Minimalistic?”

“Yes! That one. Minimalistic.” Mika’s smile reassured Aoi, and for a while, he no longer worried about how different their lives were. “We made curry today, do you want some?” she offered.

Aoi nodded, and Mika proceeded to serve him some curry with rice. They both finished eating with minimal talking. The tension grew as the extended silence took over, and the loud sound of the rain falling on the streets filled the room.

“Did you like it?” Mika finally asked.

“I did, it’s different in a lot of good ways but-” Aoi paused. “It’s a bit too spicy.”

Mika at first was a bit embarrassed that she had put Aoi through that, but then giggled instead.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” she said, laughing. “We’re just too used to that here… I’d forgotten, sorry.”

They both went back to silence and awkwardly avoided eye contact with each other. Mika stood up and poured some tea for Aoi, and they both had some tea as the afternoon went by.

“You know, lots has happened these past couple of weeks…” said Mika pensively, breaking the silence.

“Same for me,” replied Aoi, who was back to his characteristic distance.

“Your turn first then!” said Mika, startling Aoi.

Aoi carefully thought about what he wanted to say. He didn’t mind mentioning the work trip, but if Mika hadn’t found out about Eiko yet, it wasn’t the right time to introduce her. He was aware that Mika had probably gone through a lot at the office.

“I met a lot of people and visited a lot of places,” he said dryly.

“That’s it?” asked Mika, confused.

“Yeah.”

They both stayed silent for a bit, with Aoi knowing that his simple explanation wasn’t enough. Mika, even though she didn’t understand why, and knew facts were missing, took a comforting tone instead.

“I see, that can be tough,” she said with a smile.

“And you?” he asked.

“Someone came and scouted me at the park. Crazy, don’t you think?” said Mika, looking out the window, admiring the rain.

“I don’t think it’s too crazy,” said Aoi after a while.

“Really?” said Mika incredulously.

Silence once again took hold of the apartment, as a melancholic mood grew in Mika’s heart.

“Why here? Why me? There’s a ton of talented singers even on the streets of Shibuya, and if their skills don’t matter too much, there’s a lot of incredibly beautiful people that could take the spot. There’s a lot of aspiring idols that are super young, ready to set their school aside and train until they debut. So what would they gain out of me? Why would they come so far to find me?” Mika’s mood had turned gloomy, and Aoi started feeling like his plan had backfired.

"You just don't believe in yourself," said Aoi, trying to make eye contact with her.

"I know I don’t,” she said, looking down on the table. “But I do believe that people are selfish, so tell me, what do they gain from me?” Mika was slowly starting to sound desperate.

Aoi felt the situation escaping out of his control, and things were far too different from what he predicted was going to happen. His plan was failing, and he had to do something fast. Yet he couldn’t mention the studio too much or his background, or he would run the risk of making Mika feel even worse.

“I think you’re unique. That’s what they gain, they gain you,” said Aoi, finally choosing his motivational words. “You shouldn't compare yourself. If you try to become what other people are, then you’ll forget what makes you special. I think your uniqueness has value." 

“But, how can I not compare myself, when I feel like my skills are worse than everyone there?” Mika's voice became increasingly tense.

Aoi understood Mika’s worries slightly better, and he was slowly beginning to believe he could fix the situation, but quick words and feelings were not his forte, so he sat there, deep in thought, thinking of a solution.

“None of them were perfect when they started, it took them years of practice-”

“I’ve practiced just as many years, and I haven’t improved much!” interrupted Mika, frustrated.

“But they had teachers and studios and other sorts of pressures, maybe you just need someone to teach you and you’ll learn a lot.” Aoi desperately tried to console Mika, but his words were the wrong ones, or they lacked the correct emotion to make an impact.

Mika sat there in silence, looking outside the window.

“You’re… afraid of making mistakes,” said Aoi, breaking the silence once more, “afraid of failing. And because you are afraid of failing, you stop moving forward. The talented people at the studio, they didn’t learn like that, and you shouldn’t either. Try the other way around. Make all the mistakes first, and then you can learn from there.”

“But how can I be comfortable making mistakes if it's a once in a lifetime opportunity for me? How can I be comfortable if I have to sacrifice the life I have now, just for a chance to maybe succeed there?” Mika was overwhelmed by all the unanswered questions in her mind.

“You can’t,” said Aoi, realizing the valley between the two of them was still there, and gigantic. “You can’t move forward, if all you want to feel is comfort.”