The Magic Stone Manure Plan

Phil and Doug stared at me as if I lost it.

“Oh dear, bro’s gone and lost it!”

“I know times are tough Rod but don’t lose yourself!”

“What are you idiots talking about, I was joking! Well, partly joking! I think I just figured something out.”

Phil and Doug made a sigh of relief before I began telling them my theory.

“Tell me, monsters have magic stones inside of them don’t they.”

“Yeah, if monsters have the ability to use magic, some of them will have a magic stone in their body. It’s like an organ that enables them to use their magic abilities.”

“Exactly, so I’m thinking this shi-No, this bowel stone is similar.”

The guys looked perplexed for a moment, then Doug opened his mouth again.

“Are you saying, this whole time we’ve been shitting our guts out.”

“Close but not quite, I want you to consider this. Monsters who have the ability to use mana develop magic stones, so if you’re a monster who doesn’t have the ability what would happen.”

“Oh, well you’d get sick right?”

“Correct Phil! So in order to protect ourselves, our bodies excrete the mana in a physical form to remove it from the body. That’s what these bowel stones are, it’s the mana we don’t need!”

The guys stared at me as if I said something groundbreaking, then again I can understand. That and this explains the herb situation, the mana in the bowel stone caused changes to the soil. It’s this mana rich soil that caused the herd to grow. If it took half a day for this herb to grow, what could this do if added to our crops.

“I think I’ve discovered our solution you guys, we could use-”

“It’s still gonna be difficult.”

“Huh? How so?”

“Uh, Rodney? You forgot that in order for this plan to work, we’d have to have enough bowel stones right?”

Crap, Doug and Phil are right. We’d have to have enough stone and switch them out between planting. Where would we even-

“Howdy losers, I came to see how my death row convicts are doing!”

I turned my head to see that jerk Hank standing there. There was a chubby goblin and a thin one standing behind him, a typical three crows trope.

“Me and my boys wanted to help out, so we gathered all the crap we could find. With all the nutrients the we’ve had, it would probably make for good manure. Best of luck Poop Patrol!”

Hank and his cronies laughed as they took large pots of dung and placed them in front of us. They then walked away, leaving us to deal with the mess.

“I swear, I’m about to grab a handful of this crap and clobber those-”

“Wait Doug, don’t let them get to you!”

“Rodney they literally placed crap at our feet, you gonna take this-”

“Yes, I will take this! After all, those boobs just gave us what we needed.”

The guys looked at me for a moment and then realized what I meant, with our new tools at our disposal we leaped into action.

****

“This is amazing! This should be more than enough stones right Rodney!”

Phil was excited to look at our haul, we managed to pull several bowel stones out that excrement we were given. I told Doug to leave the digging to us, he offered to drop the dung back to the dump site. I took up his offer, then after sifting through turd mounds for an hour we managed to gather a hefty amount of bowel stones. Looks like Hank’s prank backfired, we officially have what we need for the plan. Now it’s time for the next phase.

“*Whistle* Damn those are some nice gems, if I didn’t know they were excrement I’d probably take one for myself!”

“And I’d smack your hand away to protect my investment!”

Doug laughed at my response as he rejoined us back in the storage room, now then let’s run my idea by the guys.

“You guys, I have an idea for an experiment. As for the reasoning, it goes without saying that these stones are valuable. So I came up with an idea.”

“What are you thinking of Rodney?”

“I’m planning to break one of the bowel stones into a fine powder and mixing it with manure.”

Upon hearing my idea, the fellas sat on it for a moment.

“We worked so hard to fish them out and now we’re gonna break them?”

“I’ve heard about adding additives to things in order to alter their effects, is that your intention here Rodney?”

“Yep, I'm hoping to make some magic manure with this method!”