Fragment 13. The Start of Training

Sitting in the middle of the magic circle made me feel like a sacrifice for some kind of ritual. Hakusha said that this was important in case I lost control. But like I said countless time, I didn’t trust him even a little.

But if he really intended to sacrifice me, then that was fine. It would be better for me to die now before everything began. They say people who die young are pitiful, because they haven’t experienced the beauty of the world yet. But in my opinion, people who die halfway are the truly pitiful ones. Because they leave behind things they love and fight for.

I sat cross-legged with my back straight. My hands rested lightly on my knees, palms facing upward. My thumb and index finger met to form a small circle, while the other fingers relaxed naturally. My eyes were closed, and the muscles of my face were relaxed.

Thinking about it again, Hakusha was telling me to meditate. I knew that because Grandpa used to tell me to do it. But one day, Grandpa told me to stop, after I had been doing it every day for two years. Both the posture and the sensation made me feel nostalgic. Even though, in the end, I didn’t know what all of this was for.

Several minutes passed, or perhaps several hours. In meditation, when your mind is calm yet focused, you can’t tell exactly how much time has passed. Usually, when I felt that it was “enough,” that meant it was time to end my meditation session. Grandpa never supervised my meditation, so I could start and end it whenever I wanted.

But this time, I couldn’t end it however I liked, because someone was watching me—and that person was Hakusha. I could imagine him getting angry if I suddenly stood up and left. So, I asked him.

“Hey, how long do I have to do this?”

“This is strange."

"What is?"

"You should have entered your subconscious some time ago.”

Entered my subconscious? So that was what he wanted me to do this whole time.

“I don’t know what your goal is, but what am I supposed to do if I manage to enter my subconscious?”

“I want you to communicate with the souls inside you.”

“Souls? Aren’t they just personalities?”

“No. What you think of as other personalities are actually souls trapped within you. Or more precisely, they chose to enter your body.”

“Huh? What is that? Scary!”

I reflexively opened my eyes when I heard something both horrifying and disgusting.

So he was saying that many souls were dwelling inside my body at the same time? The first thing that came to my mind was conjoined twins. But this wasn’t just one or two—it was four at once! Well, that was the number of personalities I knew existed inside me. There could be fewer, or maybe even more.

“Wait, I didn’t know miko could be possessed by spirits against their will. And isn’t it true that if a spirit stays too long inside a miko’s body, it will run out of energy and die?”

“Yes, if the miko absorbs those spirits.”

“And you’re saying I’m different?”

“Yes. Like I said before, you don’t have spirits inside you, but souls. Moreover, you don’t have the power to control spirits at all.”

“Huh?! Then what? You said I’m that legendary miko, didn’t you? What do you mean I don’t have the power that miko supposed to have?”

“Let’s use an analogy. You have a glass. That glass can be filled and emptied. But your glass has been full from the very beginning, and it is tightly sealed. So, is there any room for any other water to enter your glass?”

I didn’t want to admit it, but Hakusha’s explanation was very easy to understand.

“Wait. If I can’t control spirits, then what is my power?”

“Your power is controlling those souls.”

“Can they even be controlled?”

From my experience, my other personalities—the souls possessing me—always acted however they pleased. It wasn’t rare for them to go on a rampage whenever they managed to take control of my body. That was why I thought controlling them was impossible. But Hakusha thought otherwise.

“Think of them as cute wild dogs. To pet them, you first have to tame them.”

“Is it really okay to call them dogs? What if they get angry?”

“Don’t worry. They can’t hear us. Not until you connect with them.”

I still didn’t agree with calling those souls dogs. I knew it was just a metaphor Hakusha was using. But still, calling others dogs felt rude.

“But now the problem is how to connect you with them. The only way for you to communicate with your other personalities is to enter your subconscious.”

“Is there really no other way?”

“No, there isn—Hm…”

Hakusha suddenly stopped mid-sentence. Seeing him thinking made me sure that he was hiding something.

“What? Just say it.”

Hakusha hesitated, but in the end, he spilled the beans.

“Our goal is to bring you into your subconscious. Aside from meditation, there is another way to take you there.”

As Hakusha started walking toward me with a serious expression, I jolted, frightened by what he might be planning.

“Oi! Stop! Where do you think you’re going?”

Hakusha kept approaching despite my warning. I stood up and took a stance. Even though I didn’t train in any martial art, my body was fairly well trained. At the very least, I could put up some resistance if he tried anything funny.

Exactly one meter in front of me, Hakusha stopped. He raised his hand, which made me raise my guard even higher. But he didn’t touch me. Instead, he ordered someone else to do it.

“Tanuki, can you do it for me?”

“Aye, sir!”

Without me noticing, a raccoon was already standing beside me. It raised its front legs and stood on two legs like a human. Then, with its right paw, it tapped my leg.

“What are you—”

Before I could ask what it was doing, my eyes grew heavy and my consciousness faded. My body staggered, and I passed out.

I woke up in a pitch-black place. At first, I thought this was the hall from earlier with the candles extinguished. But I soon realized that I was in a completely different place.

The floor was black. Even though I could feel something solid supporting my body, it didn’t feel like wood. No matter how far I looked, I couldn’t see the end of the space. Then, when I turned around, I saw light shining down from above onto something resembling a dining table.

The table was round, with five chairs surrounding it. Behind each chair stood a rectangular mirror about five meters tall.

I looked up, trying to find where the light was coming from. But I couldn’t find any holes or lamps that could be the source.

I stepped into the “center” of the room. Walking around the round table, my hand brushed against the chairs surrounding it. Even though I had no memory of ever coming here, I felt a sense of connection to this place.

Then, from an unknown place, a voice called out to me.

“Haruno, can you hear me?”

“This voice… Hakusha, is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me. First of all, congratulations on successfully entering your subconscious. Next, I want you to go and meet the souls inside you.”

“Go and meet them? How am I supposed to do that? And anyway, where are they?”

“They’re somewhere in there. I want you to find them.”

Useless idiot! Give me a more useful hint, will ya?

“Don’t you have some kind of clue? Like where I should go or something?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t see your inside. All I can do is communicate with you and give you advice. The rest, you have to do on your own.”

I felt like protesting and cursing at Hakusha. But I managed to control myself. After all, this was my problem. I couldn’t force someone else to solve it for me.

Since I was told to look for my other personalities, I started searching. But it didn’t take long before I found a clue.

Behind the towering mirrors, there was a simple wooden door. The door was about one by two meters in size. It stood upright without anything supporting it.

I felt strange because I hadn’t seen that door earlier. When I first arrived in this place, I was outside the “dining area,” just like where this door was. I tried peeking behind the door, but it wasn’t connected to anything.

Confused, I decided to ask Hakusha.

“Hey, Hakusha. There’s a weird door here. Should I enter it?”

“Sure! There’s a high chance that it leads to where those souls live,” Hakusha replied excitedly. But his voice soon turned grim.

“But be careful. We don’t know what’s behind that door. And there’s a chance I won’t be able to reach you once you enter it. So prepare yourself before going in.”

That was fair. No one knew what awaited behind this door. Logically speaking, that door shouldn’t lead anywhere. I could even see the back of it, and it was empty.

But logic didn’t apply here. If it did, then I wouldn’t be in this place. What was even more impossible was that those large pieces of furniture could exist inside me. When and how did they even bring them in?

So, I prepared myself as Hakusha said. Swallowing hard, I gathered my courage.

When I turned the knob and pushed the door open, a bright, blinding light swallowed my body.