Chapter 6: What It Means To Love

Noctis was streaming late the following night. The energy in his voice seemed different than most times, and even his viewers picked up on the change.

“Hmm, what’s that?” He asked, his character’s deep blue eyes peering at the messages streaming onto the screen. “You’re asking me why I’m so, as you put it, ‘hyped up’? Well, why don’t you have a guess?”

A number of viewers got it wrong, but many got it right. He smiled, reading their new messages. “That’s right. It’s about my collab stream with my pearl this weekend.” Many more messages streamed onto the screen, and he glanced at them with a shark-like grin.

“Do not think too much into it, mortals. We are teaming up to defeat the boss of Floor 1, after all. I’m simply helping out my dear pearl.” His eyes flicked over the messages. “No, it’s her who needs me, not the other way around.”

More messages appeared. Some persistent viewers kept wondering why he called her pearl, whether it meant more. His manager had called them ‘shippers.’ Noctis sighed slightly, his hair floating around his face. “I call her ‘my pearl,’ because I know it bothers her. That’s the best way to get the upper hand, you know.” Noctis paused, and the messages continued. “No, it doesn’t mean anything. Do not overthink it.”

Miyuki kept repeating the same line, as she walked towards a spot in the park. It was a nice weekend, and Yuri was insistent about trying the ice cream at a popular new stall. However, knowing her friend, she suspected what this was really about. Yuri told her that her boyfriend would be coming along, and that likely meant that Ren would be there too.

“Do not overthink it,” She repeated in her mind, “Do. Not. Overthink. It.”

She rounded a tree, and saw her friend up ahead. Yuri waved cheerfully, and Miyuki approached. She couldn’t see Minato… nor could she see Ren. Tentatively, she sat across from her friend. “Where’s Minato?” She tested.

“He went to order ice cream,” She replied, gesturing to the queue. Miyuki followed her outstretched hand, and… there he was. It was Ren. He was older now, as four years had passed. You wouldn’t think four years would make such a difference, but it did.

Back in high school, he had been a quiet skinny boy with a permanent hunch from pouring over textbooks. He was the kind of person who could disappear into the background, and no one would ever know whether or not he was truly there.

But Miyuki did. She always knew.

They were constantly competing for the top grades. It was a silent rivalry, and secretly, they both studied in the background in the hopes of beating the other. On one exam, Ren would score higher, and on the next, it would be Miyuki.

It was a silent competition. Until… it wasn’t. They started eating lunch together. Before she knew it, she had grown attached.

They were inseparable. Ren became her whole world. They would work together on everything, and he seemed to always fill in the missing pieces. Like a puzzle, they were only complete when they were together.

But high school doesn’t last forever. As they continued to look towards their futures, Ren dreamed bigger than she did, always searching for the next step. He wanted to go to a university in Nagasaki, to further his interests in marine biology. She had hoped he would stay in Tokyo. In the back of her mind, she had believed he would want to stay, for her. Though he kept walking further and further away, until eventually, he was no longer the person she thought she knew.

When Miyuki turned away, Yuri gave an apologetic smile. “I… know I should have told you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay… I expected this,” Miyuki replied, “And… it’s probably a good thing.”

Minato and Ren strolled over to the table, and Ren’s eyes fell on Miyuki. She kept her gaze down, staring towards the worn wood.

“Man, that queue is long,” Minato complained, with a huge grin on his face, “I thought I would never see the end.”

“Thanks for waiting,” Yuri replied, as her boyfriend took a seat beside her, leaving the place beside Miyuki free. She shuffled along, allowing Ren to sit.

“Apparently, this stall has the best ice cream,” Yuri explained to Miyuki, “I’ve been dying to try it. And… since the line up is so long, I asked Minato to order your favourite.”

“You did,” Ren interrupted, “But… I thought Miyuki-san would prefer the black sesame flavour.” Her head snapped up, and she looked at him properly for the first time. He gave her a warm smile. He… remembered. It was her favourite.

Passing the ice cream to her, their hands brushed briefly, and she noticed how much he had grown. When he sat beside her, he was no longer hunched. His back was straight, and his eyes were fixed ahead.

Miyuki was so taken aback, she didn’t reply for a long moment. Until eventually, she whispered, “Thanks.” She tried the ice cream, and it was comforting, nostalgic, and somehow sad at the same time. Yuri watched the interaction with a small smile.

They talked cheerfully, Yuri and Minato carrying much of the conversation. Miyuki remained mostly silent, uncertain about where she should interject. This was the difficulty with group discussions. She never knew when it was the right moment to say something, so, she ended up not saying anything.

“Miyuki, are you in university?” Ren asked, and she was suddenly dragged back into the conversation. She glanced at him, and for a moment, her mind went completely blank.

“Oh, um…” Her eyes trailed down, and she noticed the keychain of Erielis on his bag. So, he was an Erielis fan after all. That was information she would have to store to process later.

“I, uhh…” She glanced at her friend, and she was shaking her head, as though Miyuki would tell Ren the truth about her VTubing career. After an awkward pause, she replied, “I, uh, I help out at Yuri-chan’s restaurant.”

Yuri looked at her for a long moment. Then, she nodded in approval.

“Oh, that’s good to hear, I’ll have to stop by then,” Ren replied, and Miyuki glanced away awkwardly.

“Have you been enjoying your studies in marine biology?” She asked, continuing to eat her ice cream.

“Yes, it’s been really interesting,” He replied, his face lighting up, “We’ve been studying marine microbiomes this semester.”

“Oh… that is… interesting,” Miyuki murmured, trying to keep up with the conversation.

“I’ve mostly been doing a lot of lab work,” He continued, “The tough part is the chemical analysis. But, I’ve been learning a lot. Not too long ago, I was part of a study on luminescent organisms, researching why certain marine creatures glow in the dark.”

Miyuki nodded, her heart warming at the eager smile on his face. Even though he looked different, he was still the same Ren she had fallen in love with. He glanced at her, and gave her an embarrassed smile. “I’m talking too much, aren’t I?”

“No… not at all,” She replied, “I’m… happy that you’re enjoying your studies.”

“I am,” He agreed, with a faraway smile. “It… feels like I’m really making a difference.”

Minato began to talk about his own engineering studies, and that was where Miyuki faded from the conversation.

The truth was, even though she was sitting at the same table as Ren, Yuri, and Minato, she felt as though she were somewhere far away.

Back in high school, she was one of the top students. Her silent competition with Ren, was part of the reason why she was always motivated to reach the top. But… she never studied with a particular goal in mind. Whereas, Ren always knew what he wanted.

She could have gone to the same university as him. Her grades were high enough, and she could have taken the entrance exam. If she had done that, maybe they would still be together.

But… she just couldn’t see it. She didn’t have the same passion for marine biology as he did. And, she never had an interest in engineering either. When everyone else was taking entrance exams, the pressure piled on her shoulders. Her parents kept telling her to aim for the top, but it felt like no matter how high she climbed, she would never reach it.

In their final year of high school, Ren broke up with her. And… somehow, she couldn’t take the exams. Not without him by her side.

The pressure was silently destroying her. The rest of the world kept moving forward, but she remained in her room for a long time. Miyuki didn’t want to look outside, didn’t want to face the facts that she was being left behind.

Ren knew how much the break up destroyed her. But… he never reached out to her.

For a long time, she would simply stare at her ceiling, hoping she would find the answers in the peeling paint. Noriko would sit beside her, and together, they would simply exist.

Yuri dragged her through the heaviness, with her endless optimism. She brought her curry from her family’s restaurant, and they would sit in Miyuki’s room, eating in a companionable silence. Yuri never pressured Miyuki to talk, just showed her she was there.

Eventually, Miyuki started opening the curtains. She would stand on her balcony, watching the tiny figures of people moving in the distance. They would go about their lives, similar schedules day in and out. And… she began to realise that no one really knew what they were doing. Not Ren… not Minato… not even Yuri. Everyone was figuring it out along the way.

At that point in her life, she still didn’t know what she wanted to do. But she vowed to move forward, and make one small change every day. She didn’t need to reach the top, nor meet her parents expectations. Miyuki simply needed to do something that made her proud.

Miyuki would sometimes watch VTubers. It made her smile, and somehow, they felt like a friend in her darkest hours. When no one was looking, she would talk to herself, imagining what it would be like to become a VTuber. But… with her quiet personality, she didn’t think it would be possible.

She told her friend all of these thoughts, and Yuri took it to heart. It had been Yuri who pushed her to become a VTuber. To some, they may assume that her actions were somewhat manipulative. But… Yuri saw a spark of light in Miyuki’s eyes, that even she could not feel at the time. Becoming a VTuber saved her.

As Miyuki waved goodbye to Minato and Ren, she began to walk through the park with Yuri. Her friend gazed at her knowingly.

“Are you glad you got to see Ren again?”

“Yes… I am,” Miyuki replied, with a soft smile. It was true. Although she had been afraid to see Ren again, it helped her face her past.

Ren did keep moving forward. But… Miyuki had not given up. She would reach the top in her own way. And one day, she would be able to look back and see just how far she had grown.