A Most Gentle Autumn

“Hi, Mika.” I heard a voice calling from the hallway. “The Dance Studio? That’s not a bad place to be sad in. Can I join you?” When I looked at her, I realized it was Autumn, waving from the hallway.

“Sure… I guess,” I said with some hesitation. I wasn’t sure why she wanted my permission.

“The view from these windows isn’t bad, though the mirrors can be uncomfortable sometimes,” she said as she looked around the room.

I hadn’t really thought about that, but a room full of mirrors could probably make me feel bad if I was lacking confidence that day. Autumn sat next to me at the edge of the room, facing outwards, looking at the busy neighborhood outside.

“Try to not take Summer too seriously,” said Autumn with a warm voice. “Although I guess it can be hard since she takes this very seriously.”

“I know, I do too, I just-”

Autumn shook her head, stopping me.

“Has it even been two weeks? You’re just starting, don’t try to do too much. Even just saying hello is fine. Being shy is fine.” Autumn never rushed her words, and they always felt very thoughtful.

“Is that what you think?” I asked, full of insecurity.

“The only thing that bothers me is that you didn’t feel comfortable like that in the first place,” said Autumn, who can somehow smile while scolding others.

“Everyone's so skilled and I’m…” I stopped as I looked at the sky outside the windows.

“It's scary isn't it? Feels like we've reached a higher level, and now everyone is analyzing what we do," said Autumn, reading my feelings. "But you have your own set of skills, we’re all different.” Autumn was kind. Maybe far too kind, to the point where it could be hard to believe she was real.

“Everything’s just so strange. We have to use all these devices, talk through screens while also talking to each other... The computers are everywhere,” I said, trying to open up to Autumn. "It feels..." I couldn't find the right word to explain.

“Unnatural? I felt the same way at first,” she said, and then looked at me with a smile. “Even Summer was like that at first, did you know?” I looked at her surprised, not imagining Summer struggling with any of her work. “So one step at a time, Mika, or should I say, Spring.” For some reason, Autumn’s words were full of warmth, but hers did not push me away or make me feel bad, like others did.

“It’s that kind of thing, why are we all calling each other after seasons?” I tried to show Autumn an example of one of the things that felt odd to me.

“Hmm.” She let me know she was thinking about my question. “Well, you do understand that the names of our characters are based on the seasons.”

“I get that part, but why are we using those names now, when we’re not online.”

“Well. I don’t really mind if my name gets out,” explained Autumn. “But Winter and Summer probably wouldn’t like it if we called their names by accident. So we just get used to it so we don’t make mistakes, I think,” she said with a smile.

The explanation made sense, we were in a way protecting our privacy... But it still felt somewhat strange for me to address them like that, as if we were interacting online, and not talking next to each other.

“Spring, would you come with me if I invited you to draw with me?” Autumn asked in a way that I couldn’t refuse, especially after being so nice to me.

Autumn helped me up and took me to the motion capture studio. The first time I was there was with Mr. Hiroaki. I should’ve known that messy room belonged to Autumn and them. Autumn handed me a tablet to draw on, and some motion sensors.

“Here.” Autumn invited me to sit down next to her. “Now, let’s do a practice video to warm you up, how about that?” Autumn turned on the equipment, and soon our avatars were displayed on the large screen in front of us.

“Hello everyone, Autumn here. We have a very special guest today. We’ve finally found our Spring, yay!” Autumn seemed to pace herself, giving time for any potential viewers to react to her. I figured I should try to learn from her. She was far more professional than I had realized. Autumn then hinted at me to introduce myself.

“Hi everyone I’m Spring, thank you for having me.” It was a bit embarrassing talking into the void of a camera, and it came out a little awkward.

“Aww isn’t she cute everyone?” she asked, somewhat excited. “But I can’t let my feelings get in the way. Because today, we’re going to have a drawing competition!”

“A drawing competition!” I was suddenly anxious about being forced into a competition unwillingly, and it clearly came through in my voice.

“Yes, you draw one of us, and I will draw all four of us. Our viewers will decide who wins!”

Autumn seemed excited about her plan, so I decided to try my best. I hadn’t drawn since I was very young, but copying one of our characters while she did four seemed like something that could work.

“Don’t think I’ll let you win that easily!” I smiled at Autumn smugly.

As soon as the timer started, Autumn started drawing on her tablet at an amazing speed. She could probably draw hundreds of strokes more per minute than I could, so only having to do a fourth of the work wasn’t really enough of a handicap. Once again I was reminded how talented everyone there was, but I didn't want to lose without trying. I couldn’t just sit there and watch in awe. I tried my best to copy a drawing of Summer, even though I struggled for a long time. I started feeling less confident and more nervous over time. By the time I was done with my poor attempt at drawing Summer, Autumn had drawn all four of us.

“Time’s up!” she said, excited. “What do you think?” she asked, as she showed both of our drawings to a camera.” She then pretended to be outraged by her viewer’s chat interactions. “What? I lose? Because I’m bullying someone who doesn’t know how to draw? That’s not fair!” Autumn somehow made our fake competition interesting. “Well, winning wasn’t the point anyway, the point was to show you how I draw.” She paused for a little bit. “I’m not doing this to brag, I swear!”

Autumn then replayed a time-lapse of how she was drawing on her tablet. A lot of the time she spent on her tablet was erasing and redoing shapes until they were to her liking.

“See, drawing is a process where you can delete and redo things you don’t like freely, and because of that, it’s not really stressful to me. My biggest enemy is myself, trying to get everything perfect. At one point I have to stop myself,” explained Autumn. “Music on the other hand is hard for me for a different reason. You see, you can’t stop and redo every little mistake and attempt you have, you just have to carry that mistake and keep going, and do it all in one go.” 

What Autumn said made a lot of sense to me, I had never really thought about the challenges of performing music and other arts. 

“And Spring, when you take me to sing with you. I’ll be the one drawing one person, and you’ll be the one drawing four, deal?”

“Deal,” I said with a smile.

“And keep this with you, Spring,” she said, as she shared with me the image she had just drawn. “Now the Four Seasons are finally together.” She then looked at the camera. “Alright everyone that’s it for today, I hope you enjoyed yourselves as always. See you next time!” She ended her recording with a smile and a wave. I awkwardly waved along with her.

Not a second went by after she was done when Summer charged into the room in her usual loud fashion, and started scolding Autumn.

“What did you just do!”